3 Mistakes that KILLED Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (Writing Advice)

Learn why Star Wars Episode I failed. Hint: it goes well beyond Jar Jar.

Get Brandon's horror/thriller novel The Half Murders:

Get Brandon's horror/thriller novel BAD PARTS:

Get Brandon's supernatural thriller novel ENTRY WOUNDS:

NOTE: Some of my links are affiliate links, which means that if you click on one of the product links, I’ll receive a small commission. This helps support the channel and allows me to continue to make videos. This does not affect my review of products. All opinions are my own. Thanks for the support!

Follow Brandon McNulty:

#WritingAdvice #WritingTips #Writing #author #betterstories #authortube #booktube #authortuber #howtowrite #BrandonMcNulty #WriterBrandonMcNulty #BadParts #WritingCommunity

=======================================

CHECK OUT MY OTHER VIDEOS:

Mastering Scene Structure:

Writing Scenes that Flow:

5 Fatal Mistakes that New Writers Make

5 Time-Saving Tips for Writers (And Readers!)

5 Scientific Inaccuracies in Movies, TV, & Books

The BEST Writing Exercise Out There

How to Write a Book Pitch

Writing Villains #1 - Start with Your Hero

Writing Villains #2 - Goals

Writing Villains #3 - Motivation

Writing Villains #4 - When to Introduce Your Villain

Writing Villains #5 - Plot Points for Villains

Writing Villains #6 - Impacting the Hero

The Anatomy of Story REVIEW:

Save the Cat Writes a Novel REVIEW:
=======================================

[WriterBrandonMcNulty]

Hoping to have a new Bad vs Good video up within the next couple weeks. Been super busy lately, but it's on the way--stay tuned!

[trevorclive]

Biggest writing mistake in TPM was that they NEVER SHOW THE MAIN CONFLICT. The stakes are clear: Padme needs to save her home planet from an evil droid army. The never once show her planet in danger. They show the final showdown. They explain the stakes with dialogue. They never show it.

[erictrobin]

A foreshadow of Anakin's evil side was in a deleted scene in which he beats up young Greedo after the podrace, and Qui-Gon had to separate them. So many things to cut from the movie, and that wasn't one of them

[melkor]

Apart from the ones mentioned in the video, the biggest mistake was making Anakin a 9 year old boy. He should have been a teenager, with already manifesting anger issues, compounded by his telekinetic Force abilities, probably making him into something of a bully, though maybe a well meaning one. That could have been some serious foreshadowing, and could have made Qui-Gon's decision to train him even more questionable.

[T]

Episode I is my wife's favorite Star Wars movie (I know, I know...); mine is Empire. We watched Episode I over the summer, for me, it was the first time in probably 20 years. I pointed out to my wife, "how is this lush technologically-advanced planet dying due to being blockaded by trade? Don't they have farms? Don't they have their own medicines? The WHOLE planet can't survive on its own?" I told her that all it needed was one scene where they have little Tiny Tim in a space hospital bed, "When is help gonna come? It hurts so much, mama! It hurts!" to at least give us a hint of what's going on, and to establish the stakes. As it is, Amidala and her counselors say throughout the movie "people are dying..." but we never see it. We don't see anyone starving, dying, anything. They also mention detention camps, but we don't see any of those either.

[Pirelli]

Darth Maul: "It's over Obi-Wan! I have the high gr-"
* Obi-Wan flips over him and slices him in half. *
* Cue Curb Your Enthusiasm theme. *

[JosephSchneider]

I think you're bang on with the world-building. Someone, I don't remember who, put it this way: Star Wars had been a mixture of cultural influences and it made for a philosophical, wholesome space adventure. But then George Lucas wanted to be a big boy and let his characters talk about politics and stuff. But he also wanted to sell kid's toys. And he wanted to deepen the Skywalker storyline.
These are three movies. You can't combine Andor, Paw Patrol and Family Matters.

[paulm]

As far as giving Anakin a dark moment that hints at what's to come, I seem to recall there was a deleted scene of him fighting with another kid. Done properly, that could have bern such a moment. Something along the lines of:

1. The other kid tries to take some trinket from Anakin that Shmi gave him, and they start to wrestle over it.
2. The trinket gets broken, which enrages Anakin but causes the other kid to lose interest and start walking away.
3. Anakin (perhaps unconsciously) lashes out with the Force to trip the kid, hurl something at him, etc., and the kid gets hurt.

Reasonable situation for a kid to be in, and it would serve as the starting point for the trend of Anakin letting his anger get the better of him when a loved one is involved.

[davidcampbell]

5:50 The scene with the giant sea creatures was interpreted by at least one reviewer as a George Lucas inside joke. Steven Spielberg’s “E.T.” usurped Episode 4’s status as all-time box office champion after Ep. 4 overtook Spielberg’s “Jaws” (“There’s always a bigger fish.” 🙄) Lucas’ alleged friendly jab at Spielberg was predicated on the idea that Episode 1 was going to beat E.T.…but the bigger fish turned out to be a dinosaur—“Jurassic Park.” Oops 😬

[RickBerman-ivil]

The issue with the writing is that, for every scene and situation, we’re lacking key contextual detail - or the detail supplied contradicts itself.

- what is the Trade Federation trying to achieve? A treaty? Who does that help?
- why can’t Quin Gonn pay for a taxi from Tatooine?
- why can jedi run really fast, but only sometimes?

It’s hundreds of such moments which sever any emotional engagement.

[sassygallop]

"The conflict eats itself" is a phrase that suits many, many different situations.

[GregoryJordanStewart]

A theory I've heard, but I don't know if it's true is that what George Lucas and the writers were going for with Jar Jar is that they were going to have him be Darth Plagueis and the Jar Jar alias was just a cover-up kind of like what Palpatine did with being a politician while secretly being Darth Sidious. The theory goes on to say that he was going to be revealed as Darth Plagueis later in the trilogy, but the strong dislike for him in the first movie made them scrap the idea. People that promote that theory say that his stupid behavior was to just throw people off his scent and that he seemed awfully powerful to just be some regular guy given that he was able to easily take out multiple droids without even trying.

[MumRah]

With what the sequel trilogy has given us imo it makes all of the previous Star Wars films really about the rise and fall of Palpatine rather than any Skywalkers etc.

[bonnassem]

Anakin's turn to the dark side is what I find the most frustrating in the trilogy. There's no gradual temptation, you really don't feel any of the tragic vibe that could have been there because things are so badly brought about. It's a total disbelief when a minute ago he was participating in his arrest, and suddenly he's a sith lord.

[studiosinc]

As someone who really likes the Prequels, I do have to say I understand where you are coming from as a fellow writer.

World building, if not done right, can either make the world feel smaller or too broad for a cohesive story. Take, for instance, the Dark Universe and the DCEU. They tried to do too much world building in such a short amount of time, and look how that turned out.

Characters are the driving force of a story. If they aren't interesting, how are we supposed to be invested in the story.

Conflict also needs to mean something, because if it doesn't, what's the point?

Overall, it's a great analysis, and I love hearing it from someone like you.

Also, for Anakin's turn, there is some foreshadowing with Yoda sensing his future, and Maul didn't push Obi-Wan in with the Force to toy with Kenobi, and Kenobi beat him so easily because the Force's speed is astronomical.

[MattRose]

A roast of Phantom Menace and you don't even mention the horrific dialogue 😂

[MajinLordVegeta]

@3:57 ?? I thought that was always pretty clear. Quigon after seeing Anakin’s insanely high midichlorian count, he believed Anakin to be the chosen one and that the force led him to Tatooine to find him, so he obviously wanted the boy to be trained. Especially after briefly fighting what was most likely a sith lord before leaving tatooine, the sith being back after 1000 years and he found the chosen one, no coincidence. Yea He was hell bend on training anakin because it was clearly fate.

[AskAScreenwriter]

It might be a bit of a jump, but they could have written young Anakin showing some of his anger and pride like the young Casval (who later becomes the iconic Char Aznable) in Mobile Suit Gundam: The Origin. He's fighting for a good cause and to protect those he loves, but he shows hints of the ruthlessness that will eventually come to define him.

[pitchforker]

Spot on. Another problem with Phantom Menace is everything had to be CUTE. The robot army was "roger, roger" cute. Anakin was cute. The Gunguns were cute, and gross. The only drama was the big lightsaber battle with Maul, Qui Gon, and Obi Wan -- but it had such a lousy ending.

[theunknowncommenter]

There's no bad writing anywhere in The Phantom Menace.

The only thing I think could be slightly improved was explaining midichlorians a little easier to the audience.