If You're Doing This, You're Abandoning Your Betrayed Spouse

Samuel discusses a sensitive pitfall for couples seeking recovery.

- What kind of affair was it?

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“The Recovery Library gave me 24/7 support because I could be up at 3am and search for the topic I was struggling with. It also helped as a couple because we could investigate topics together so it wasn’t subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recovered from infidelity. Double credibility in my book.”
- Amanda, Florida

HEAL with Affair Recovery:

[knsummers]

What hurts me the most is when my partner shuts down by saying, "I just don't know what to do or say to help you." And I'm screaming out on the inside, "You knew exactly how to break me, why don't you know how to fix me." It's not rational, but that's how it feels.

[JohnnyRebKy]

In my mind the sudden abandonment is worse than the cheating. One day your happy and the next your sitting in a house all alone and never saw it coming

[catbee]

Emotional abandonment can occur without infidelity. And it can keep on going with betrayals piling up over the years.

[theQueenRocket]

Reading through the comments to realize how many of us feel so hurt! Praying for everyone in their hard times! Life goes on, but it seems like it never will!

[susanakasuzieqrussell]

👊
& The statement "Your just never going to let this go.. Are you?" is like a hot knife in gut it only makes my heart sadly scream "he is never going to truly own his actions or even truly care about the pain that's slowly killing me inside!"

[tatchik]

When he says "I will just give you your space" is that just a tactic to avoid talking about things? Cuz I want to scream at him that he gave me plenty of space while he was sleeping with someone else!

[inkystarz]

The continued defensiveness, retorts, blame shifting is what is killing me. Its consistent abandonment.

[georgedorman]

What hurts most is when she says. i DON'T KNOW WHY I DID IT.

[triciakuhn]

The worst thing he ever said..."why can't you just get over it"...while he was still lying and cheating.

[kirstencowley]

Spot on. Thank you. There is not a word in the English language strong enough to describe the pain of infidelity. I just wish I could get that across to him.

[jsmith]

My husband tries to do big things for me AND makes sure everyone....family, friends, church, work ....know the things he does. Nothing is ever private. So who is it really for? Me? Or for him to promote himself to others, so he looks like such a good guy for all that he has done.. That too inflames the distrust.

[ShellyRuss]

“Abandoned and left on the side of the road for dead”, perfect description. His expectations were too high, I felt so much shame for feeling and reacting the way I did. It’s a bad dream.. thank you for your commitment to this work. My relationship didn’t survive however the work to heal is still a priority.

[imansb]

I’m Muslim and these videos have been helping me a lot. I’ve searched for Islamic videos about infidelity and there are a few, but none of them are as straight forward and honest as these. I’ve said so many times “This is exactly how I feel.”
It really helps that it’s coming from someone who’s actually been through it. God bless you and thank you.

[davidsriverajr]

I wish I could have seen this 15 years ago. I'm just seeing how selfish I have been in her personal recovery. I was sparing myself from the reckoning. I relate my own trauma and what it took to heal. It's time for me to shut up and listen. Thank you for this! I love my wife and I'm here to learn how to do that better. Thank you!

[emiliajohnson]

😡 Yeah, shutting down doesn’t make it worse? 🙄 They are saving themselves from hearing and seeing how their actions affected their spouse! 100% Selfishness!!
I’m on an emotional rollercoaster and I’m ready to hop off!
Try hard to fix this, harder than you tried to cheat!

[vernontherd]

I'm almost 90 days in trying to trust my wife again, this has been the hardest thing to recover from in my life..

[rebmc]

Emotional cheating, potentially physically cheating or actually physically cheating the alienation and abandonment feels and hurts just the same there's no worse feeling in the world - only love can kill you and keep you alive to feel it 😓

[andressilva]

I don't understand how someone can possibly give a thumbs down to this video. This is the good stuff and where healing is.

[ozziechavez]

Absolutely on point! This is exactly how I feel. But I am supposed to just get over it and move on. The lack of empathy is just overwhelming. I am not allowed to talk about it because it’s just too uncomfortable for him. He won’t go to counseling with me or even for himself. I don’t want to file for a divorce but I don’t think I have anything left to give because I have no strength left to fight for this marriage.

[lucille]

My husband said he was sorry. But I could tell that it really wasn't heartfelt.. His words and actions since have proved it.