My Transgender Partner is Transitioning After 17 Years of Marriage

We have decided to share our family's journey with you all in hopes that we can humanize what a transgender experience can be like. Since Shaye came out to me in 2019, I have learned that being transgender doesn't hurt anyone. However, our culture has a lot of baggage around gender and so many perceive being transgender as a threat. People assume this is a craze or trend because more people are coming out today as transgender than ever, but the fact is that trans people (often referred to as third gender or two spirit in a variety of world contexts) have been with us since the beginning of written human history.

I used to think of gender as a binary thing. As a feminist, I thought a lot about gender differences and saw men and women as "the opposite sex." Now, however, I see that there is a spectrum in gender identity and expression that is a separate thing from biology. Men and women express their gender in so many ways; the transgender community is similarly diverse. At the end of the day, we're all part of the human family.

When you see someone's expression that's different from what you've been taught is "natural", it's understandable that there is initial discomfort, but I ask you to push beyond that. Transgender people are not problems. They are vibrant and wonderful. My journey with Shaye has taught me that loving and championing a transgender person makes the world more beautiful.

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[kirtbateman]

Amanda and Shay, I’ve been wanting to write to you for a long time. I found you via your “why we left” video, which I’ve now literally watched 20 times. It so beautifully encapsulates what a faith transition looks like. For some of us. I just wanted to tell you that I think you are the bravest, most articulate, most selflessly loving, most “I want to be them when I grow up” people that YouTube has to offer. Your hard truths laid bare for the world’s judgment cannot be easy, but it’s so important in our world to hear stories like yours. I believe you are changing lives!!! What greater blessing could you give to your children or others that know and love you than to be authentic. Both of you. Amanda, if I were 25 years younger and braver, I would seek you out to be my bestie. Shay, your bravery gives me chills and makes me want to be a better man (and I certainly wouldn’t mind getting my hair back—that would be a dream come true). As a nearly 50 year old, gay, ex-Mormon, husband, and father who still holds incredible shame for just being me, your videos bring tears to my eyes and fill my soul with hope! Please keep sharing when you can. And THANK YOU for letting us strangers have a glimpse into your journey. It is a blessing to this total stranger, anyway. With love and incredible gratitude!!!—KIrt (SLC)

[nickio.]

I don’t judge the way people want to live, but I know for myself I could not mentally handle my partner doing this. But I hope the best for them.

[vickismith]

I forgot in the past to say how beautiful your piano playing is! I enjoy it very much. You are talented in many ways!

[chasingtheadventure]

I’m blown away by your beautiful support of each other ANDDD the filmography!! So incredibly well done.

[NerfHerder]

I'm not sure how this (and your video about leaving the Mormon Church) popped up on my feed, since I'm not/have never been Mormon, and I've never watched your family's channel before, but I am trans (albeit going in the opposite direction, as it were), transitioning older with a partner. I just wanted to thank you for posting this; it requires a lot of nerve to put yourself out there this way as your transition is happening, especially in the first couple of years, and while I think it's important and really does help increase understanding of the trans experience, it's a really vulnerable place to be in (for both the trans person and their partner!). So thanks to both of you for putting this out there and helping to humanize the community. I wish nothing but the best for both of you, and I hope that Shaye's recovery from FFS is going well!

[catecate]

I’d love to have a video from Amanda’s perspective. From being told in 2019 while still members of the church that your husband came out to you til now. You are so supportive and that’s great however I just wonder is there also a grieving process? It makes me wonder as humans are we all more fluid than maybe we want to believe or know? Are you physically attracted to the physical changes? I know intimacy is very much a mental connection but it’s also very physical too. I know I want to believe if I was in your shoes I could or would be as supportive. I mean loving someone for who they are on the inside doesn’t change but physically they do. I’m fascinated by your journey. I’m also curious how this transition is affecting your intimacy from Amanda’s point of view? You don’t have to answer these questions I’m just “thinking out loud” if you will. I just wonder has your relationship become more like 2women best friends sharing makeup, clothes etc? If Shaye fully transitions and gets reassignment surgery loving and supporting her is one thing but at what point are you sacrificing your happiness for the sake of Shaye’s happiness?

[klimtscat]

What do these people do for a living, I wonder! Because all of the treatments the husband explained he went through in order to appear more "feminine" really cost a fortune.

[kerstinklenovsky]

Watching this, I suddenly realize that your whole story is about love because you have chosen to make it about love.
Sadly, many trans stories are not.
You are admirable.
Others can learn so much from you.
I certainly can.
I wish you every good thing for now and for every step on your way.

[RoadkillbunnyUK]

I’m so proud of your courage to come out and especially share your story with us on YouTube.
My youngest daughter is trans. She came out to me when she was 13. I am gay so she knew our home was a safe place with only love and support but even still she was scarred coming out to me. She is 16 now and has been out an socially transitioned for over two years. Unfortunately here in the UK there are huge waiting lists for trans care and as I am a significantly disabled single mom who is medically retired I don’t have the funds to pay for private care. I am going to tell her all about you. Thank you for putting yourself out there I know that in your community coming out is no easy step.

[abigail]

The transition journey must be so challenging. It's beautiful to see how supportive her wife is. Unconditional love

[mariamikkelsen]

This is amazing. I recently saw your story of leaving the mormon church and about your journey in that. To have come this far and to see your love for each other in all of thia is amazing. ❤ All my love to you!

[robbjones]

I am so happy for you and I love your family for their support. I was married for over 41 years to the most wonderful person I’ve ever known, loved and knew all my secrets. However, my wife was honest with me and told me she could support a transition but could not continue to live with a transgendered person. Because I needed her in my life as a partner I gave up on the idea. Anyway, she passed away very recently and I’ve lost a very large part of me, it’s hard to move forward. At 69 years old, I’m at a quandary what now? I’m relatively healthy for my age, always a little feminine, and very financially secure, but… Anyway I love your story and applaud you. Thanks❤

[domesticdomination]

Thank you for being bold and open and living your truth. I'm so proud of you, Shaye. As an non-binary former mormon, I'm here for you.

[valarya]

Seeing Skylar wearing a trans flag made me burst in to the happiest tears. I'm so thankful for any trans man or woman who has family and friends to hold them safe. YES YES YES 😘😘

[MsPXIE]

Shaye you don’t even know how happy I am to have found your channel. Everything that you are going through I’ve gone through. It’s like looking in a reflection of what I’ve experienced. You and your partner in some ways also reflects my journey with my girlfriend. She also has stayed with me through everything I’ve experienced. I’ve similarly had a lot of the feelings you’re experiencing. Including feeling like I would lose everyone if I was to allow myself to be who I’ve felt I was all along. The things that both of you say when you speak of experiences as well as the points both of you bring up touch me deeply because they are things I’ve experienced and feel myself. Thank you both for showing us your journey. I’m experiencing so many emotions watching what you’ve experienced. You both are wonderful. Thank you for sharing. ❤

[Undeniably_Me]

My MUA for my wedding was a trans woman, & she was so afraid of backlash that she didn't want to come into the sanctuary of the church for the ceremony, and I had to nearly BEG her to at least come in afterward for pictures. Nobody was rude or standoffish toward her, but she was very weary of ppl's intentions. Her anxiety got the best of her, and she did leave shortly after dinner was served. That was close to 10 yrs ago now, and she's much more confident. I've loved watching her bloom!

[andreaavila]

Just a note about piercings, if Shaye plans to get more than she should definitely go to a tattoo/piercing parlour! A needle has way less risk of infections than a piercing gun and you should only get pierced with a needle if you do helix and any other cartilage piercings! Looking forward to more updates on your journey!

[anamakesthings]

Oh well... I sobbed like a baby throughout this video. I'm not a Mormon and, in fact, I was not raised religious at all. However, I was raised in a very high-demand and very abusive household. I was born in '87, in Romania during communism. My family was so traumatized by the dictatorial regime that they required me to "take full advantage" of our newly found democracy in all the ways it was withheld from them. I would be violently beaten for coming home with a 94% on a test when someone in my class got 98%, called a whore, prostitute, slut etc. for wanting to do theater, threatened with being sent to the orphanage for not complying with whatever was asked of me. I was punished for having an identity and straying from my parents' plan for my future. In my mid-20s, I ended up in the psych hospital because of su***dality. My family called me dramatic and accused me of doing it for attention. It took me 10 years of therapy and literally moving to another continent to be able to trust and like who I am. I do not wish this hell on anyone. There is so much joy in my chest right now to see someone claiming their authentic self. The unconditional love inundating your family is what Godliness means to me :)

[sanaishere]

I am not trans but I am working on deconstructing my religious upbringing and the shame, victim blaming, etc that lead to my depression and PTSD. You have a new subscriber because I love to see the love and compassion between you two. Keep pushing forward on this journey ♥️

[littlebitmckee]

I know this sounds so superficial - but your husband was so handsome. Do you miss him looking like this? I know you are obviously happy that he is finally comfortable in his skin, but do you miss seeing him like this?