The Art of Being a Couple | Theodore Zeldin | TEDxOxford

In this talk Theodore discussses how some couples can have long loving relationships.

Dubbed the 'most popular Englishman in France', Oxford based Zeldin is a leading world expert on France and what it means to be French. He is renowned for his studies on happiness, asking pressing questions like 'where can a person look to find more inspiring ways to spend each day?'

[altairbenemerito]

"I think it's impossible to know one's self. I think it's much more interesting to know others."

That's gold, right there.

[jessicalt]

I’m glad he’s sitting down.... I want those people speaking to be more comfortable and natural as they are talking with us. Very interesting.

[mariepayraud]

I love to listen to elders, they have such experience of life that it is always interesting to hear what they have to say. They are a great source of knowledge

[EhsanAmini]

"The extent of your memories determines how much you can imagine about the future." What an interesting idea.

[StephanieCheng]

(Some of) The 25 Questions to Ask:

1. How have your priorities changed over the years?
2. What do you think about your spending habits and what do you need that money cannot buy?
3. What would you like to be engraved on your tombstone?
4. Which parts of your life were a waste of time?
5. What have you rebelled against in the past – and what are you rebelling against now?
6. What are the limits of your compassion?
7. What moral, intellectual, aesthetic and social effects does the work you do have on others and on yourself?
8. What makes a life go well? How should one live?
9. How have you made and lost friendships and what other kinds of friends would you like?
10. What are your earliest memories of your childhood?
11. What brings you greatest happiness when you think back on your life so far?
12. If you could teach your children one thing – what would it be?
13. What do you think of Theodore Zeldin’s proposition that the greatest change since the agricultural revolution is that for the first time “men and women are talking with each other as equals”?
14. What motivates you to get up in the morning?
15. If you could do what ever you wanted – what would that be?
16. Describe your perfect partner?
17. Who would you lie for and whom wouldn’t you lie for?
18. In what way do you plan to leave the world a better place when you die?
19. With whom would you like to reconcile?
20. What have been the most difficult conversations for you?
21. What was the best moment you had with your parents? What the worst one?
22. What kind of humour do you prefer?
23. In what sense do you want to become more courageous?
24. Are there illusions that you cherish?
25. Which dream have you had and not fulfilled yet?

[celal]

I think what he's saying is you need to be humble. That is what is needed for listening. There is very little listening these days because there is very little humility.

[GodGritGains]

Talk TO each other. Not AT each other.
Great talk 👍🏼

[Iamdeejoker]

Mr, Zeldin, it’s a pleasure listening to him. Listening to seniors is sometimes inspiring because they always have so much to give. He’s right in order to have a loving healthy relationship, we have to first love ourselves

[foxarwen]

The title should be called 'The Art of Being Human'. Is it just me or are people forgetting how to just be human.

[danahashhash]

Everyone's upset because it s not about couples, stop being outraged about the title, learn to let go of the little inconveniences and enjoy this great content even if you eexpected something else...this exercise alone will help you have a happy couple. Peace

[paulineburke]

I believe that we need to have an authentic, loving relationship with ourselves first, and then share ourselves and our love with others. We have so much to share and to learn.

[jenniferclymer]

Active listening is an art that has been on the decline for a long time. Mr. Zeldin speaks well of the need to listen, hear, and process not simply that what aligns with our own opinions, but that what does not align in order to come to know and understand another person. This requires truly being present and focused in the moment with another individual. This is what is missing in many interactions between people, not just couples.

[chrishlady]

"Knowing others is the only thing that matters." Great point.

[spiritwarrior]

~“The Extent of your memories determines how much you can imagine about your future.”.... wow! But the Title is misleading. Not exclusive to couples but the art of listening and connecting. Learning to Speak and hear in a different way. So much more! I’m still processing! Very rich material!

[doriannemosich]

All I can say is "I would like to hear a lot more what Theodore Zeldin has to say!" Wow what a lesson in kindness, compassion & original deep thinking! thank~you ;)

[mabelidove]

Instead if trying to find myself, maybe I should be looking for myself in others. Listening, understanding others, and being humble...there's a lot that we can learn from this speach he made. In today's world communication has been getting hard, but people like him leaving strong messages, help us reconnect with each other. It's an honar to come across this video.

[susanamariles]

When an Educated person enlightens you they may or may not want to be generous with their insights. It not their job to educate others. We found him a soulful but a true magnanimous, and genuine humanitarian.

[noname-hczr]

Being a couple requires you to have meaningful conversations, learning about each other. I assume you guys didnt get the message?

[shelegj]

Yesterday I founded on Facebook a group called I LIVE EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT LIFE. In Western society, emotions seen as weaknesses. It is an internal energy that we can develop and navigate in our favor.
This morning, I listened to Theodore TED expression and loved every word. Then I read about the speaker and saw that our past is from the same cultures. Then I looked at people's reactions and saw how human beings yearn to be more rational and enjoy (emotion) of themselves and the surrounding people.
Yes, you are right; a person can understand and accept others only after he understands himself. In other words, when human understands his reasons for what he feels in the present, this means his feelings are intelligent.

[toddhall]

The key to saving our failing civilization is community. Community is the most basic of concepts, yet it seems that we have forgotten its value...or perhaps we have never known it properly. Either way, with the great difficulties that we face in modern life (driven by population density), the only way to overcome is to work together. To work together, we must take time to know one another; and to know one another, we must communicate.