INFJ Masculinity

In this video, I answer a viewer question about masculinity in the INFJ personality type.

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[matilda]

I think masculine qualities show up stronger with things such as: Defending. Supporting. Encouraging. Protecting. Accepting. Explaining. Providing. Valuing. Dignifying. Fairness. Appreciating. And so much more. A father gives his children soooo much psychological strength just by being a good example. Not weak, a push over. And not harsh.

[Valentinfj]

Being an INFJ doesn't stop me to improve and become a stronger, wiser, masculine man ☝

[XY-heip]

INFJ male here. I never equated my sensitive and emotional side to being less masculine. It always caught me « by surprise » so to speak when some acquaintances tried to help me understand my supposed truth. I always thought : Not yet again? these people really don’t get it. They don’t understand that my openness, which they misunderstand as vulnerability is the external layer of something scaringly self-assured. My gentle side is the very best of me. They do not want to abuse me and discover that none of their condescending BS is helpful.

[sylviefeyereisen]

My man is an INFJ and his more feminine and vulnerable side is what I love about him. I have a more masculine side but I have no problem in being emotionally vulnerable and available. I'm an ISFJ by the way. Thanks for your videos Clay :)

[SirMo]

That's such an INFJ answer. And I agree 100%.

[lancelotdufrane]

I have a hard time “seeing” gender for INFJ. We are so fluid in emotional waters… unfortunately, that is labeled, feminine. Thats not true. Be who you are. Thanks Clay

[Thilosophocls]

It takes more masculinity to be vulnerable and seek intimacy than it does to stuff that shit down.

[PieceofSheet]

This is a deep subject... here is my take. Masculinity and Femininity are balancing, opposite "cosmic" forces or energies that exist inside and outside of human expression. Masculine energy is active, creative or destructive, logical and objective, focused, strong or powerful, individualized, constrained, and harsh, among other descriptors. Feminine energy is reactive or receptive, preserving, emotional or subjective, ambiguous or chaotic, meek or submissive, collective, open, and gentle, among other descriptors. In their absolute, most abstract form, Masculinity and Femininity are beyond the realm of definition, comprising an undefinable whole or unity that requires a dualistic expression in a universe within which opposites are foundational to its creative structure (positive and negative, light and dark, on or off, up or down, etc.) Yet the masculine and feminine find myriad expressions or definitions within the natural and anthropological world. As an example, on the basis of its ascribed qualities a lightning bolt could be strongly characterized as definitionally masculine. Similarly, a fog bank could be characterized as definitionally feminine. This definitional framework can be applied almost endlessly.

Men and women are generalized human expressions of the masculine and feminine, respectively. But as with most things, no one person, natural phenomenon, or object can be absolutely characterized one way or the other. The tendency is for women to express more feminine qualities and for men to express more masculine qualities, although all humans have the capacity to express both energies, and people should strive to find balance between the two within themselves, in their relationships, and in society. That is to say, if you are dealing with someone who is irrationally aggressive and hostile, the proper response (in most cases!) would be to assume a "feminine" role and attempt to calmly deescalate, employing agreeableness, gentleness, and openness. If you are in a work environment where nothing is getting done, it may be appropriate to take on a more masculine role, employing creative initiative, authority, focus, strength, and power to meet the immediate demands.

It is my opinion that the West has become excessively feminine in its social expression, and more traditionally masculine people like Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate are popping up as a reaction to the current state of our culture. A culture that has become hostile to natural masculine expression, among other things, is causing a great deal of confusion about what it means to be a man today (especially, within the complex context of what society has generally expected of men in the form of husbands, workers, fathers, etc.). I believe that for the most part INFJs have a better balance of masculine and feminine, while also having a more conscious, intuitive understanding of these energies that the typical man or woman expresses unconsciously. As such, this puts us at odds with the culture as far as being a man or woman is concerned. I imagine this is harder for men, since society continues to maintain strict expectations for what it means to be a man as compared to women, whose gender roles have evolved and expanded rapidly since the sexual revolution.

TLDR: Don't worry about masculinity or femininity and just try to be a good person.

[MrElvis]

As an INFJ male who doesn’t like sports I know the struggles of making new man friends.

[medots]

As an INFJ man I've come to terms with the fact that we all include both masculine and feminine parts within our psyche. And the distribution within my own personality has become something I'm not only comfortable with, but I can also see how it can be quite the gift. You can be both "masculine" in being protective of your loved ones and taking responsibility for their well-being, while also enjoying being an empathetic soul that can understand the minds and emotions of others and take pleasure in providing a safe haven for them. There is quite the beauty in the balance... and the balance differs from one person to another, that is for certain. Best wishes on all of your journeys folks, the right people will emerge on your path of self development and self understanding :)

[DuelingPersonalities]

Good stuff, Clay! and hello to all the INFJ men! So Clay, I watched all 15 minutes plus of your video, so there's a few extra minutes of watch time, which is always nice. Here is my somewhat long-winded response, and don't worry, it's positive and thus, hopefully worth your time.

So I've been reading a book called "Iron John" by Robert Bly. I recommend it, especially for INFJ men who may have grown up with trauma in their childhood. I want to make it clear that his book DOES NOT HATE ON WOMEN OR MEN. Rather, it simply seeks to identify an "authentic masculinity", if that even exists.

Bly talks about how what constitutes a "real man" always seems to be changing ACCORDING TO SOCIETY. For example, he talks about all the different ways the 1950's Male was different from the 1960's male and so on, and states that this is due to the fact that society is always defining and redefining masculinity, and he believed that this should not define a man or stop a man from becoming his authentic self. Walking away from these societal definitions is probably a good idea for many men.

Bly goes on to say that males in childhood and into adolescence and then adulthood often (not always) go one of two ways, either they 1. shrink back and hide, become fearful and passive or 2. they become overly macho and APPEAR to "rise above" their childhood abandonment issues/trauma if they had any. He suggests that NEITHER of these is necessarily an authentic masculinity and concludes that authentic masculinity is neither passive or macho, but lies in the sphere of what he calls the "deep masculine".

And here it is.... the authentic man according to Bly, is a man who TAKES DECISIVE ACTION, NOT WITH PASSIVITY OR SAVAGERY... BUT WITH RESOLVE. I was blown away by this. And How's that for advice for men that have inferior/repressed extroverted sensing? Wow! And by the way, anyone can do this regardless of their gender.

INFJ men, let's choose to focus on self-improvement, personal excellence and achievement. Let's take decisive action towards the achievement of worthy goals. Let's stop beating ourselves up. Let's stop allowing society to define us as men. Let's stop shrinking back, and for those who may be prone to it, let's also stop trying to control and dominate others and/or circumstances and situations . Men, let's WORK ON OURSELVES. Decisive action, not with savagery or passivity, but with RESOLVE. By no means does this apply to all men or in all situations, but I wanted to share in case anyone is able to gain some value from it. Thanks for all you do, Clay! Take care.

[lybor]

As an INFJ I´d completelly agree in majority of things u´ve said. In my view it´s better for man to be more emotional.

[TheKeirwood]

Thank, Clay. I just discovered your channel today. As an INFJ man, I’ve often been accused of being feminine. I used to be ashamed of it, but now I’m very proud of who I am. I also struggle with friendships with both men and women because of cultural norms. this is validating information.

[AA-fmht]

We can also use our emotional intelligence to interact and lead people, I think it works pretty well.
People (even tough guys) are more open when you talk to them softly and pay attention to what they feel. It's about pass through armor, but often we need a little bit of time to find the key.
We can also are soft and strict, sweetness or gentleness is not weakness .

[MaryBethCrow]

THANK YOU!!! As an INTJ, it drives me crazy that characteristics are genderized. Instead of calling them masculine and feminine, I call characteristics receptive or active. And both men and women can be a unique combo of both.

[Kimmyshy_]

Hello clay, im first! Also Infj here😁👊 keep making videos about INFJ, Be safe always bro✌️🙂

[stevedavenport]

As an INFJ male, I feel more androgynous than masculine or feminine since I have a balance of both.

[infjelphabasupporter]

As an INFJ and the I've always thought of traits like stoicism, strength, responsibility, bravery, etc. not as male traits but as traits everyone should aspire to have. Same with the more traditionally femenine traits like compassion and sensitivity. Once I started learning that these traits can be grouped into "masculinity" and "femininity" through social media I found it frankly pointless. Especially considering how, having spent long times volunteering in foreign countries, I know how these ideals of masculinity and femininity are restricted only to some cultures, but entirely different or even opposite in others. We should all aspire to have the best traits of both masculinity and femininity, regardless of our sex.

[DUANEYAISER]

100% on this! Emotionally, I am the female of the relationship, and yet, when it comes to management of the day to day life, meeting our goals, etc. I still take the strong “traditional” masculine role.

[DYXHRN]

Interesting perspective Clay. I think it all comes down to what the individual thinks to be true. Unfortunately, the majority of people are unaware of this, so they basically see their assumptions about the polarity between masculinity and femininity as absolute truth.

Therefore, I think, the more you grow and raise your consciousness the more alone you will be.