The disappearance of men | Christine Emba

“Masculinity” has become synonymous with “toxic.” Journalist Christine Emba explains how that happened, and how it can change.

Young men are increasingly finding themselves single and struggling to meet traditional expectations. Journalist Christine Emba breaks down the masculinity crisis and what can be done to fix it.

The rise of "manfluencers" like Jordan Peterson and Joe Rogan reflects a new type of masculinity that both challenges and redefines what it means to be a man today. While these influencers often offer empathy and simple life advice, their viewpoints tend to escalate into misogyny, resulting in even more societal isolation for men down the road.

Emba’s advice is for men to evaluate what masculinity means to them — Is it strength? Support of a family? Leadership through conflict? She stresses these traits need not exist in opposition to the traits of women, and instead can complement them, leading to a more productive, cohesive, and ultimately happier society.

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About Christine Emba:

Christine Emba is an opinion columnist and Editorial Board member at the Washington Post, and also serves as a contributing editor for Comment magazine. She is the author of "Rethinking Sex: A Provocation." Before coming to The Post in 2015, Christine was the Hilton Kramer Fellow in Criticism at the New Criterion and a deputy editor at the Economist Intelligence Unit, focusing on technology and innovation. She grew up in Virginia and holds an A.B. in public and international affairs from Princeton University.

[KendoSamp]

Here’s a few thoughts… (from a 63 year old man). Set aside gender. Practice being a good human. Let go of the need to dominate. Let go of the negative connotations of being a man.
We are here for a short visit. Practice harm free living. Embrace love of life and all things living.
Turn away from influencers, following any influencer/ guru too close will create a copy at best.
Develop a practice of turning off the outside noise to hear what comes from within.
Discover what sparks for you. Bring it to life and live passionately.
Do not believe all of the nonsense that is being pushed at you from all directions.
We all have the equal right to live in peace.
It is up to each of us, (humans), to take responsibility for our actions and create a reality worth living.

[JasonMcMullen]

Something not mentioned here: the advent of social media and dating apps have not only changed the social dynamic between men and women but also changed the source of 'fulfillment' for men and women. Many men don't get fulfillment from these platforms and actually feel rejected by them, which has a significant impact on mental health

[Carlos]

“Most men aren’t CEOs. Most men aren’t wealthy”
Also: most men aren’t toxic, abusive, adulterers, nor living in their parents’ basement. But we hear a LOT about those men.

[flobba]

as a man this is what i want

--> A Job.
--> Friends.

[MildlyAutisticApe]

I’m pushing 30. I’ve never had a relationship and I’ve spent half my life seriously considering suicide every few months. And yet I have to watch women, who have access to sex, love and empathy just walking out the door tell me how privileged I am as a man. You try living 30 years without so much as a hug. Fuck this society.

[Feralzen]

The isolation and loneliness for men is real. Thank you for addressing these issues. We need to address these issues.

[MrMalorian]

We are at a unique point in history where men are villainized for what their stereotype was, and yet are expected to uphold the stereotype. Don't be toxic and controlling (ok cool), but you're still responsible for the financial well being of the family. Be a leader, but don't lead. I'm sure the time will come soon when all the expectations are gone, and the family unit will function together without shame or blame, but we aren't there yet.

[danielmachiya]

She did a good job of reminding me why men need men to help men.

[theweeklynewsexplosion]

As a guy, once I stepped out of the social media/online bubble and my screen time started to regularly be under 2 hours a day, I started to be much more optimistic about the real world. I don't think it's nearly as bad for us men as everyone wants us to think, so let's stop victimizing ourselves and start bettering our lives. Obviously there are definitely some challenges that need to be overcome, but it sure as hell felt a lot worse when I was spending too much time on social media.

[IverBG]

"Safe areas for men... the industrial sector", you mean the workplaces workers fought hard to escape since they were incredibly dangerous and paid so little that their families could hardly get by? Yeah, such a shame they're gone.

[PugilPixels]

True strength lies in emotional vulnerability – the ability to process feelings and ask for help. Modern leadership isn't about dominance but collaboration and empowering others. We need to redefine strength beyond physicality. It's about standing for what's right, admitting mistakes, and being emotionally present. It's time to celebrate the diverse ways men can be strong, caring leaders without a restrictive, outdated definition.

[Zero_Zero_Zero_Zero]

Honestly it takes some bravery for creators to talk about this because of the backlash they'll no doubt receive. I can only respect her willingness to do it anyway.
Gratitude for your care.

[antwanjones]

It's better to not care too much about other's opinions on your masculinity and just focus on your own individual path to happiness. Write the book you want to read, make the music you want to hear, film the movie you want to see. Through those efforts you'll find your community and purpose. Develop a talent. Find a trade. Focus on fitness, finance and faith. The less noise you take in through media, YouTube included, you'll clear your mind and find peace in yourself. Masculinity has been narrowly defined in recent times due to cultural shifts. It's our turn to make the rules and redefine masculinity on our own terms.

[fcv]

Amazing analysis. Kudos to you for addressing the importance of masculinity for men without bashing women or feminism in the process. I’ve seen women who fall into that trap too.

[TOMB_Digital]

Awesome video. I hope people don't just click away the moment they see a woman talking about these issues. As a man, I understand the urge to listen only to people who look like me, that's a human instinct. But, I'm really glad I fought that instinct, and I applaud Christine for being an outspoken female on men's issues and men's health today. I think because of that very same human instinct, it is important for women to be part of this conversation in helping create a new 21st century identity for men. It's time to end the idea that one sex must put down the other in order to succeed. Thank you for this incredible video and for your excellent work Christine!

[johnlone]

The root of the problem is economics. Men and boys without agency is a ticking time bomb. In history, organised young men have been the most unstoppable force. We are already seeing a coalescing of interests, politics and resurgent masculine thinking. The current era has bought itself to its own end.

[jkae]

As soon as I come of age, it felt like my manhood was something I should feel ashamed about. I love being a man, but yet feel like I should somehow apologise for all of the wrongdoings of bad men from the past. Even the very topic of our struggles with mental illness and suicide are met with a kind of ambivalence and a general lack of empathy. And yet, we are still told we benefit from male privilege at every angle.

[Ashallmusica]

As a 24 year old guy, the world is so f* up that it looks useless to think about having a family in future. I had to quit my studies just after 10th grade and work to support my family. But my younger sister is a graduate and now aiming for masters. Now where should i complain about my lost teenage life. I'm working a low paying job with lots of debts and still not owning my own house. Everything, just looks faded.

[farcinue]

I made a mental shift in my twenties. Rather than trying to find the right girlfriend, I focused on being the right boyfriend. What that meant was going to school, having friends, starting a career… because no girl wants to be with a man child who doesn’t grow up.

[comedyfriendsenglish]

I'm not saying men aren't in crisis, but I will say a few more positive and optimistic things now. (I am a 23 year old man myself so trust me when I say that I understand a lot of the issues).
The shift in society is difficult, a lot of things are changing, dating life is changing with social media and dating apps, work life is changing with feminism, just like expectations of us as men is. Emotional maturity is valued more and more among people and I feel like lockdown contributed even more to people being more aware of their inner life. Sensitivity, openness, empathy, social skills etc. are more important than ever and almost necessary to live a normal healthy life. And a lot of men weren't exactly taught a lot of these skills when they were younger, or at least not to the extent that women were taught these skills. But we men are just as capable of them.

With a changing society, the future might seem uncertain and confusing when it comes to which role we are supposed to fulfill. But I am optimistic that with a changing society, many new spots where men are needed, will come up. In fact I experienced that I am far closer with my male friends due to the shift in society, more vulnerable, more emotional, more connected and even hugging became more normal for me with male friends and not just with female friends. Think of things like ballroom dancing or choir. These are two examples where we as men are desperately needed... and I am sure there is much much more. We are not replacable, we are just simply not needed the same way we were needed before.

When it comes to dating, women also feel conflicted oftentimes, just the other way round. Many women don't know what to expect from men and have way too high expectations, i.e. they also don't know their role anymore. The statistics provided in the video can be read like that too. When really what I learned through dating shows me that women, just like men, are really just looking for someone to truly connect with and who cares about them and who they can laugh with, cuddle with and share time with etc. Most women, from my experience, don't want a super swole, stoic, cold hearted, 7 figure earning man. And the ones who want such a man are going to end up as unhappy as the men who think that that's what all women want.

Go out, be social, be kind to others and be okay with looking goofy or stupid while trying to find your place!
I personally must say I don't feel much of the issues anymore that men are supposed to experience these days...
By withdrawing from society you only really punish yourself ultimately. You miss out on life, not the others.

Take care you guys, society needs you!