Two Americas: Adults with autism reflect on daily challenges

Autism spectrum disorder affects about one in 54 children today. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), it is a developmental disability that can cause social, communication and behavioral challenges.

[Cocoa_Kalypso]

I was literally diagnosed with adhd and asd this morning. I waited 26 years for an explanation for my struggles socially and academically. My parents are so apologetic now for dismissing me and my needs cause in reality, I could've thrived more with a early diagnosis. But it is what it is

[aaronharris]

41, autistic, and college graduate. I live on my own, and hold a part time job. It wasn't an easy road. I have been fired from jobs, dropped out of college, lived in a group home, and was told at age 3 to be institutionalized. I am much happier now, but the journey was rather exhausting.

[dixontrina]

I’m a Military Brat so “Camouflage” is the first thing that came to mind.
I agree, Masking is very real, emotionally and physically draining
causes so much anxiety.

[lindaclairesartori]

"1 in 54" "children" turn into adults, you know.

[imkrisyoung]

I’m a Black autistic woman. I was diagnosed when I was around 3 years old, which was very rare in the early 90s for someone of my race and gender.

I’ve decided to go the route of self employment. I’m starting my career as a writer and artist. I believe that every single autistic person should be taught autonomy and self determination rather than how to conform to neurotypical society.

[michaelbark]

My daughter's have autism I just found out at age 39 I have autism myself recently. I knew something wasn't right in my communication and how I speak the way my brain processes information. I love to write but it's difficult to write a proper sentence and when people speak I hear what is being said but I miss something or get wrong meaning etc My parents who are deceased had mental issues but I never got tested I'm half native american and there is alot of mental diseases that hit our communities that don't get tested for. I'm happy to have found what is wrong and how to fix it but it's devastating to see what could of been in my past or where I could be today. I have alot of educating myself to do but I'll get there

[shadowfox]

It is absolutely wonderful that this story was run, so please don't take any of this too harshly. I just want to list a few points you may be able to explore in greater depth in the future.

Tl;dr for this is "do some digging into camouflaging."
First, the big one. I really do think it would be worth talking more about "camouflaging" or, as we refer to it more often, "masking" (both terms are used). This is the biggest reason that many of us with lower external support needs (side note that "functioning" labels can be problematic depending on who you ask) would go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. Yes, women do it much more often, but men are also fully capable of it. I just think this entire topic is worth exploring and writing on further at some point, even if just for the sake of the education of the general public.

Tl;dr for this point is "show what happens when we interact with other autistic people."
For a lot of us who are of average (or higher than average) intelligence, social life can still be just as difficult. This might be because we tend to look at everything in some form of "cause and effect" style. For example, most of the time, we don't really care how your morning is going at the time clock in the hour you've been awake. It isn't because other people aren't important, it's because that type of information usually has no effect on anything we're doing. We would much rather have a deep conversation about what you enjoy in life, and we might try to skip the small talk altogether. This can come off as intrusive or otherwise rude (or so I've been told) if we haven't interacted with you, but in reality, it's just how we relate to other people.

The last thing I'll mention here is that some people don't look at autism as a disability at all. Not something I have a lot to say on, I just wanted to let you know.

If any of you wonderful people actually took the time to read all of that, thank you and I hope you have an excellent day :)

[tangerinefizz]

I'm on the spectrum, and I didn't know that it was legal to pay disabled people less than minimum wage. Now I'm pissed off!

[jnieswartz]

I wish nothing but the best n happiest life for patrina. She’s is a wonderful and sweet women. My daughter is autistic and I hope she’s treated equally as her peers.

[Scorch]

There definitely are two Americas -- one for neurotypicals, and the other for people on the Autism Spectrum.

[kellyk]

We don't call it camouflaging. We call it masking. We're wearing masks.

[IExpectedBSJustNotThisMuchBS]

As someone who passes at first and who was a successful professional (attorney), I can tell you that neurotypical people read into each others’ communication all of the time. That’s not something I do. What people say is taken at face value. When people are indirect I’m going to miss some of what they’re trying to communicate, which might encompass their main reason for communicating. Because I’m bright, people often think when I miss what they’re saying, my intent must be negative and so they infer negative intent. They do this because they generally do that to everyone who pays no mind to their communications. (I don’t think neurotypicals are super aware of how indirect they are, but I can’t really say because that’s not my experience. It’s like the part of my brain that should know how to do indirect communication just isn’t functioning.) 

So, the following labels might get applied to me while I’m usually clueless I’m being negatively assess: insensitive, narcissistic, uncaring, gaslighter, and with partners, who drag all of their childhood issues into relationship, it can mean them feeling unloved and thinking that I am intentionally hurting them (albeit passive aggressively). Then, people, who say they love you and think you love them, start scouring your behavior for more proof of whatever they’ve decided you are doing.

Sometimes I realise I’m miscuing, or I see someone is upset with me and I don’t understand why, and my attempts to clarify our exchanges are generally considered suspect, manipulative because “surely” I—this very bright person—know what someone is saying. I mean, they were being obvious with me. No not obvious to me, and no, no I do not understand what the person has said. I wouldn’t try to check it out if I understood.


I am entirely clueless how much actually goes over my head and how much I catch as being “something’s wrong here.” I used to try to check everything out that felt off in any way but most neurotypicals, either afraid of conflict or thinking me disingenuous, will tell me that there was nothing wrong or left undone with our communication and/or won’t clarify my questions if they think it will mean delivering an outright criticism or make them feel like they’re going off as not a nice person. This doesn’t usually end well as you might imagine. All I want to know is what was meant by the communication so that I can continue to build a good relationship.

I also am generally not able to see micro-expressions and my ability to recognise the meaning of expressions is limited. The comment about the emojis really made me laugh.

As you might imagine, just this one aspect of autistic/neurotypical interaction is EXHAUSTING. It’s never ending. Most of us autistics wish we lived in a world where people were direct and didn’t lie. We often (maybe… hard to be sure) pick up on your white lying and don’t know what to make of it. It confuses us in conversation. Meanwhile, neurotypicals seem to handle that seemlessly.

[mesholberatsonallibi]

i’m possibly autistic and she’s spot on i litterly used to think as a kid “they must have a special book”

[melodyofamaya]

I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 30. Autism at 31. I wish i was diagnosed as a child.

[JimmyJaxJellyStax]

Just a huge stigma overall for families to strongly discourage their kids, teens and "especially" adults to not seek out a potential diagnosis for any higher functioning / less externally obvious autism but the individual is frankly aware...maybe extremely aware actually.

[kylebarvel]

Even the law does not give a fair chance for Autistic people. I have ASD and hearing that they are allowed to be paid below minimum wage just makes me want to end everything and not suffer anymore. I am exhausted and I don't want to play Dark Souls IV in real life.

[Bozewani]

i survived high school institutional ableism healing from that I ended up majoring in human rights law in QUeens Univeristy belfast if you ever experienced it you will know why

[dhrlh]

This is on the insurance companies for not covering the cost of diagnosis.

[puppiesrlife]

I've felt like something has been wrong with me for a long time and can relate to a lot of it, but with the emoji thing, is that kind of thing always present? I'm someone that can tell what the meanings are so it's always things like that that keep me fully on board of having it. Idk what to think anymore.

[PaulaLJones]

What a great piece, thank you for sharing this!