Your Parent Just Died And You’re An Heir: Now What?

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Being an heir to an estate can be life-changing. The result can be any where from your receipt of a few thousand dollars to make your life easier for the next few months, to allowing you to pay off all of your debt, or even allowing you to retire early or more comfortably.

What you shouldn't do immediately upon the death of a parent is start blowing through money. Settling estates sometimes takes much longer than originally anticipated.

It is not unreasonable for an heir who is not familiar with the circumstances of an estate to ask the appropriate parties questions like:

(1) Can I get a copy of the will or living trust?

(2) Can I get a copy of the deceased's most recent financial statements?

(3) Can you keep me posted of your progress in settling the estate?

If you have suspicions that estate assets are being handled inappropriately, or if your requests for information and status updates fall upon a deaf ear, you may need to get more serious about requesting information pursuant to your state's probate laws or trust code.

This post is for informational purposes only and does not provide legal advice. Please do not act or refrain from acting based on anything you read on this site. Using this site or communicating with Rabalais Estate Planning, LLC, through this site does not form an attorney/client relationship.

Paul Rabalais
Estate Planning Attorney

[professorpenne]

my father died yesterday after a long battle with cancer, I feel absolutely lost and like I'm living in a world that isn't real. we all agreed to use money for the funeral. I would literally give every penny of it back just to have one day with him again. he was an amazing man. it's actually shocking to me some people think about cars and stuff when their father dies, makes my skin crawl.

[renae]

I wish my parents did'nt leave anything behind because I was appointed executor and the dealing with probate was a nightmare, then lets talk about siblings was disqusting all worried about when will they get their money. It made me sick. I did everything taking care of them and my siblings did NOTHING but yet had their hands out. I also paid for everything as well, I just wanted my funds replaced out of the inheritance and nothing else, my dad worked like a dog to care for his family so I did'nt want to collect his money it made me feel sick to my stomache and felt very guilty for taking it. I would'nt wish for anybody to have go through what I did. It was 18months of pure hell.

[jackfrosty]

First, do not kick caregiver out of the home. In fact sign house over to her or him. The caregiver has destroyed life for x years and health and is probably broke due to cost of taking care of dad or mom. Parent probably promised caregiver something for giving up job, selling house, giving up life, never going anywhere for years due to parent afraid and fearful of them leaving. Now have a bitter, resentful, heart broken caregiver and you say, " Are you going to pay rent now. Where is all mom's money? She and you did not spend it all on her care or you? What did she leave?" The caregiver will look at you bitterly and think, wow. Hardly ever came to see ma or pa. Never came to help or volunteered to give me a day off. Never came and took mom out. Did not come and clean dads bed pan or fix him breakfast or wash his poopy shits and sheets five hundred times and now they are talking about me paying rent. What about me. My knees and back are messed up due to lifting parent for 3 years and here they are, all my brothers and sisters with their hand out wanting their share. Guess they forgot to do their share all the three years. Just a phone call now and then. Should have never said I would be the caregiver. Loved mom but it has left me sick, tired, bitter, angry, and glad I took care of her. I have no home now, no car, no clothes, no money and they all dance in here with their hand out. Wish they had danced in here with a broom or mop for the last three years and cleaned the house. That is what the people need to know. Get in there siblings and heirs and clean the house. Watch the parent for a week. Turn your share of the house over to the caregiver who has given her life and health to your parent and made their last few years here better.

Hope you all read this and realize what you are not doing and how the one is doing it all without your help. Start paying them. The going rate is 15 to 20 an hour. Sell moms assets and use it to pay them. Working for free is not right.

[StevenOsburnHollywood]

My mom died and we four kids got a check from social security for about $339.00. They said she was owed money when she died. We thought it was for a stimulus check but it's from ss.

[freddygill]

Wow! That was great advice and explained so very well! Getting copies of latest statements early on (organize a list of the assets) and maybe walking through the estate with a video camera too would give peace of mind. Thank you friend.

[brandonmitchell]

Good information Rabalais! But, I never heard you mention what you should do, if after the party that's over dad's estate does not answer you back or reach out to you in reasonable amount of time, then what actions should I take? When you started that statement I was awaiting your answer, but the video had come to an end.

[dorothyhome]

However foolish it may sound, I feel you are the most informative, get to point, you great examples...and you’re a pleasure to listen to. Must be that Louisiana personality. Can’t wait to get back there❣️😊

[secondcomingpro]

“My sister’s the executor, and I keep textin her, ” 🔥 🔥 BARS!!! BARS!!!

[tinaballinger]

My parents were divorced. My dad had a last will and testament. He had dementia. When he bought his condo he was still coherent. As a couple of years later he along with my sister went to attorney and had his last will and testament. When he bought the condo I am sure it was in his name (if not somehow my sister and her husband put the condo in her husband's name). Anyway, he had 3 daughters in which we all lived in a different state. He named my older sister (that his estate somehow was put in his name) as his executier. So he had a severe brain hemorrhage and was in ICU could not talk or anything. Anyway, he passed 5 days later. My sister said he never paid any mortgage or any bills. He was retired from oak ridge TN. He had 24 he care. And was well taken care of. We (my sister's) went to the cemetery and picked out a plot that was across from his parents. And then we picked out the head stone and my sister actually bought the site next to my father. The total cost for this was over 30, 000.00. never seen such a beautiful marker. My sister said " daddy deserved the best). Which I agree. She said she bought life ins almost 2 yrs before he passed and lacked 2 weeks of being 2 yrs. On the day we were receiving friends a man from oak ridge TN came to funeral home and my sister signed paperwork. So she did get money from oak ridge. At least 10, 000.00. anyway, after everything said and done my sister read daddy's last will and testament. his condo was not on there. Before he bought the condo he and my mother (they are divorced) my sister and her husband came down and did some work ( he is a contractor and she is an interior decorator) the house sold for almost 500, 000.00. a 1/2 million.on his will he (I am middle child) left me with everything inside home and his vehicle. My younger sister was left nothing. She profited everything from our mother and supposedly stole from my father. Property was in my sister's husband's name. He said in his will that his home would be splitter between me and my older sister (the executior. My father had no idea that his property somehow was put in his son in laws name. Nobody knew. So where did the 1/2 million go. I have legal pads upon legal pads where my father wrote his budget for each month. Mortgage hoa power etc. My sister said he never paid 1 mortgage payment. But when I went to stay with my father for 3 months (before he had 24 he care he only had about 1, 000 in his account. He received 3, 000.00 a month from oak ridge. Anyway, how do you sort this out. Was he taken advantage of or just theft. It really bothers me. My sister and her husband are well to do . But after my father's passing things changed a little bit. Plus COVID-19. How do u find out if they actually bought the property in my sister's husband's name or later on had him sign over the condo and did not know due to dementia. The condo sold for almost 200, 000 which I was to get 1/2 according to his last will and testament. But I can't because it's in my brother n laws name. Help!

[gloriatangarife]

You are great. Thank you for sharing your knowledge

[og-greenmachine]

In California
NO WILL
uncle refinanced house
got a bunch of money out
shortly before grandparents died.
He skipped town
left my aunt paying two mortgages.
when she couldn’t do it anymore
she called me
To move in and pay mortgage
$2500/mo.
now
my uncle returns
Storing his stuff here
coming and going as he likes
paying me no money at all.
If I leave, the house is lost
nobody can pay the mortgage.
But no one can afford
to give me my $30, 000 I’ve already put in.
so I can go on with my life.
My last resort is to call the mortgage company and tell them what’s going on.
I’m fine to stay here and continue paying the mortgage
But it’s a lot of money
and I can live for cheaper
I fear I’ll never get my money back.

[ColorMeErin]

I Learned ALOT from this Video, so Thank You for that, Mr. Rabalais!! However, I still have yet to find any Substantial Info, be it Online or in a Video, explaining what would happen IF the Decedent's 3 Kids, who are his Listed Heirs to his Pension (& get along) & it's their Dad's Wife who's alleging that the "Survivorship/Death Clause" Voids their Inheritance (ie. Pension, but she "allowed" us to have his Non-Titled Belongings, saying that was in the Will, yet I didn't see that... But, then said we couldn't have anything of Value, had those things Appraised & then Auctioned them off & Donated the Other Non-Valuable Things to Goodwill.) & that the Survivorship/Death Clause left her Everything we were supposed to get & we got NOTHING, bc of the way she explained the 30 Day Survivorship/Death Clause? Even though the Will stated his Pension was to be Split between us 3 Kids? While she got his Bank Accts, Life Insurance Policies, etc. She won't Probate his Will, she wouldn't allow us a Copy, forbade us from taking Photos of it or Writing anything down from it & won't tell us his Lawyer's Name who Prepared it. What does this Mean & are there other ways to Obtain a Copy of his Will or Find out who his Lawyer was? My Dad died suddenly before the Executor Paperwork was Signed, so his Wife took Control of his Estate... His Wife also made sure to tell us that we'd have Problems if we made Waves for her & she found out we were doing anything behind her back.

I'm Located in Pennsylvania & just don't know where to go, how to begin or if a Survivorship/Death Clause actually does Supersede what he Willed to us. Bc he didn't own any Titled/Deeded Property besides a Vehicle & a Boat, bc the House was in her Name. Any Guidance or Direction would be greatly Appreciated!! Thank you in Advance, Mr. Rabalais!!

[eybfsjf]

Why when my dad remarried was never notified of his death n or never got my inheritance we spoke of n everyone ignoring me ...

[penny]

Thank you so much. More video about the will please

[Summerdee]

How about calling the sibling who is the executor and saying "Wow, I know you have a really big job ahead of you and I know you work full time and have three kids. Please know I am here for you and I am willing and able to help you in any way. Please let me know what I can do to help you through this."

[elainecully]

My father died in October..older sibling grabbed the lot just because she was executor...house bank account no contact from "it" the executor at all.

[KaliSimpkins]

It's funny you mentioned 4 siblings. I'm the 2nd in the line of 4. We are working together to honor our father's wishes and thinking responsibly while receiving our inheritance. Thank you for the helpful tips.

[heidij]

Great video. Answered many of my questions.

[dianearrington]

Our Dad died decades ago, and three of us have survived in the Illery Warren, IDA. Conflict.

[robertthomason]

My step father died and will was changed right after. My mother died 20 days after his death. My half brother was appointed to the estate until his death. Afterwards his family will get 50% and the rest divided equally between me and my 3 step sisters. I asked my half brother if I died before he, would my 2 children get what was left to me by my mother. Absolutely he said. Should I get an attorney or take his word for it?