What Are Secondary Emotions?

Secondary emotions are the emotional responses we have as a result of another emotion. They occur because we have judgements or beliefs about certain emotions and what’s okay or not okay to feel. For example, if we feel worried or anxious about something, but are embarrassed or ashamed that we feel that way, our primary emotions would be worried or anxious and our secondary emotions would be shame or embarrassment. Secondary emotions can be protective, we may not feel safe showing how sad or upset we are so we act out in anger to push people away and ensure we don’t feel too vulnerable. Just for clarity, in this example, sadness would be our primary emotion and anger would be secondary. But you can see how presenting with a more aggressive emotion can protect us from having our true feelings of hurt or upset exposed.

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[klovercoveredkleo]

perks of having notifs on 🥰 also, ive never heard of this so ‘tis ought to be hella interesting!

update: i realize how secondary emotions are kind of (my) defense mechanism, especially since i have social anxiety and worry that if i have a certain reaction to certain people, i come across as unlikeable.

[DrJonTam]

Great points. In linguistics, it necessary for people to gain awareness by deepening their vocabulary on emotions so they can make connections between the secondary and primary emotions. That’s also why learning another language gives you another dimension of emotions to categorize.

[ashley-]

There’s a saying for weight loss (and the role emotional eating plays in gaining weight): “Is it what you’re eating or what’s eating you?”. When you mentioned things those stuffed down emotions can lead to, it made me think of that.

[xfortunesquex]

This explains a lot of why I've been so irritable lately. I'm clashing with my parents on the seriousness of the pandemic (I am super, super serious about safety). I think I'm letting my fear and disappointment turn into anger.

[cristobal]

Thanks Katie, your words are always helpful. I’m a therapist (LGPC) and I’m working with a client who has complex emotional trauma, and we are trying to work on her building confidence and healing her painful memories.

[madao]

Never thought a therapist would tell me to go cry in the shower.

[sarahdee]

Literally just talked about this in therapy today having to do with the amount of anger I carry inside of me and exactly what’s underneath it. Come home, open YouTube & this is the first video that pops up. Coincidence? I think not. Thanks, Kati 💓

[dezyluvbug]

Self work is hard and uncomfortable but it is totally worth it! I am at peace and so happy that I can process life in a healthy way. Be kind to yourself. I meditate, journal, talk it out, say positive affirmations and use the "stop" technique whenever I find myself having negative thoughts. I know I am human and every emotion is okay to have. Thank you Katie 👸💖 sending everyone positive vibes. You can do this!

[mmfrogi]

I appreciate how you include that you have "omg" moments when exploring these topics. I often have them and I'm met with thoughts of "oh you should've known this all along"... but I'm realizing that life is a journey and I guess we're not supposed to know everything.. it's about figuring it out and taking it from there. So I'm thankful for these moments of discovery, but I'm trying to alleviate the thoughts that pretty much punish me for learning valuable new information

[sillyschemes]

I love the way you wave at the end- it reminds me of a happy kid and makes me smile and go about my day a bit happier myself. Thanks for all the positive and educational content!

[JosePhine-zwgy]

I'm only a minute into this video and I'm already into it because I think feeling guilty as a secondary emotion for anger is super super common

[frankscraprobot]

Guys! I finally got the confidence to ask my mom for help, we talked together and are now looking for a therapist. After having suicidal thoughts and plans for 5 years i'm getting help. You are strong and you a worth every cent and second you need to live a happy life, all you need to do to get started on that path is to reach out, it can be anyone (parents, friends or a person on the internet). I myself started by (over time) saying everything that was hurting so bad to a guy on the internet I found in a mental support chat, he helped me a lot.

Thank you Kati for teaching me about what it was I was feeling, and telling me that asking for help is ok.

[starlitelemming]

In addition to aiding honest communication, I believe digging beyond secondary emotions (usually anger) is extremely valuable in building self-awareness, getting beyond our self-delusions, and learning who we really are and how we actually tick. :)

[hpcriticall]

Okay, something that I found strangely helpful, the movie Inside out. It had legit psychological research built into it. The emotions in the movie, display how they work and how they have secondary emotions as well. How Happy can be sad, now Disgust can be fearful, how Anger can be happy. Watch it with a mindset of feeling how they work and you may see a few keys to helping yourself out.

[leothepuppp]

As someone with c-ptsd secondary emotions are so natural to me! and i didn't even know bout them till now! thanks for sharing this info!

[sparklycrone]

I often use this concept when explaining racism to people. Many times racism is based in fear, fear of a loss of resources, fear of the unknown, fear of a loss of control in your own life. A pop culture reference that I often enjoy is from the wisdom of Yoda, "Fear leads to anger anger leads to hate hate leads to suffering."

[jaynedavis]

I love your PJs doc & I’m proud of you for going on camera, making your comfort a priority (instead of fearing that people on the Internet might judge you). Edit: I was being genuine but I just realised that you may just be wearing something that’s on-trend for where you live... sorry if I hurt your feelings but I’m leaving it up in case I was right the 1st time because you deserve the recognition

[lisasnoozy]

Aaaack no more feelings! This was a good reminder. My therapist taught me about secondary emotions a couple of years ago and this video made me realize I’ve been focusing on them again instead of facing my primary ones that are too much right now. Great video Kati!

[ccpperrett]

I can remember as a child sometimes I liked to watched a sad movie, so I could cry. I have been feeling sad and disappointed, because I haven't been able to be with my children and grandchildren as I want to be. I haven't attended church services, as I would like. I feel anxious about all the destruction in our communities and violence. I am sad that there seems to be so much focus on our differences instead of how we are alike. I bleed red just like the next person. I get scared, and I need love and to give love. I have been stopping myself and asking, "What am I thinking? Is it helpful?" Thank you for sharing. Thank you for listening. I ask God to help everyone who comes to this channel, to give us hope, joy, peace, but most of all, love.

[Littlemochicakes]

I just started my therapy journey about a month ago. It's been great so far. Your videos have been helping me tremendously as well. I'm so happy I found your channel!