Straight Acting Guise and Straight Guys: Why The Obsession By Gay Guys?

[melvonjohnson]

liking men who possesses masculine characteristics has nothing to do with internalized homophobia, it's just that I never was attracted to openly gay men, and those were the ones who were flamboyant and feminine- I always found myself being attracted to boys who identify as straight---(masculine) To this day, I'm not attracted to the stereotypical gay man- I don't like a man who wear makeup, dresses, etc, most gay men like to feminine stuff, which I cant relate to.

[Sean-dlym]

I don't have a shred of homophobia in me, inside or out. I have shown and expressed deep love for other gay men throughout my life. It's just never romantic or sexual. I always develop feelings for straight guys. For me, it just feels natural, like drinking water. I've never considered it a problem or erroneous or wrong. The implications it's had for me is that I remain a virgin at 32, which is unfortunate. Lately some guys who I'm attracted have begun to question whether they're fully straight though, so there's hope. Now that the culture is changing I might finally find a man. We'll see!

[jaywest]

I'm gay and prefer a man that acts like a man. Sorry to offend. I'm not scared of being gay, but I still have preferences. I want a straight acting gay guy lol.

[aclem]

No, they equate it with men who don't act effeminate because gay men are interested and attracted to men not a man acting like a woman..

[TimeIdle]

The red line is obsession. I think it's not necessarily dysfunctional to be drawn to guys who happen to be straight. A lot of times, straight guys tend to be more comfortable and confident with their own sexuality and thus they can relate to a gay guy in a comfortable, friendly and flirtatious way without tensions and drama. That can be very attractive to anyone. The important thing to do is to put on the brake once you learn that they're straight and not expecting/obsessing for anything beyond that.

[captaindestruction]

I was always attracted to the straight guys because growing up and im sure even now people just didn’t talk about their sexuality when it came to homosexuality especially growing up/being a teenager. I had huge crushes on many straight men because they were what I saw every day. Also more often than not they were confident which was a major turn on for me. I also think its the notion of never being able to get them sexually that attracted me to them. Its unfortunately a sad cycle as it leaves you wanting something thst just wont happen(surprise sexuality reveals do pop up but years later or when they’re no longer attractive).

[rodneyschwartz]

People say I act, whatever that means, look, walk and talk like a straight guy. But here I am. No lover as guys want to have sex with me but don't want to get involved. Maybe because of my interests that might not be what is norm to gay culture. So it's also lonely being put in a box

[RbnHrtzll]

I've 50 and and have been out and proud since age 14, and I've had and will continue to have meaningful romantic and/or sexual relationships with other gay men. However, I've been hooking up with straight guys my whole life. I always argue with the "he's not straight" gays who don't understand that these men have a romantic relationship orientation only toward women, but occasionally get turned on by sexual acts with a guy for a variety of reasons. I also get "turned on" by MSM, but for me, I don't think it's a fetish. Rather, it's more of something on the sex menu that I like, lol! The energy is "different, " but sexy. I'm glad the behavioral health community has begun to acknowledge the existence of this particular sexual orientation (or lack thereof). But never assume gay men who have sex with self-identified straight men have internalized homophobia. I'm glad you threw in that disclaimer toward the end.

[barrywilliams]

I agree Dr Kort. I think they need to be specific in their descriptors. Also they could say they aren't attracted to men who behave more femininely .

[aclem]

I think in childhood gay men realize they are not like straight men who do not want to befriend them so they identify with the women around them and become effeminate. It doesn't happen in every case but in many. Everyone is looking for a roll model or a way of being to fit in, in some way.

[lookwaticando]

I sometimes want to fight dudes that don’t want to fight me too 😂😂😂😂

[johngagon]

I have seen a fair number of less than masculine straight men and not so interesting straight men I guess and some less masculine men are just fine to me. I tend to view secondary structural ratios more than overall build as attractive. Jawline, nose, brow, hair for example. Maybe I have a visual fetish? I still might have some internalized issues around extremes. Returned attention/respect, novelty seems to lure my thoughts more than anything. I see the guise as a hangup that also doesn't say much about them. I guess it's fair to put a filter out to avoid wasting time but this kind would backfire. Initially, it can be a flag but I also know a lot of guys like this but those are introductions in person. However, there are degrees of cattiness that's an obstacle and it's different than being more feminine or it's more what I mean by extreme. It's that part straight men might not get with feminine thinking. It's difficult to express my perspective but it feels different than what's described of the others. Sincerity and being able to understand things like this is very sexy.

[warriormanmaxx]

What is the purpose of that "thumping music" in the background ?!? I am here to listen to a man ... TALK !

[DayzHacksful]

Sorry dude, "just try like poncy gays" isnt advice.

[jeffharrison]

Sounds like you have a problem with terminology that offends you. To say, I'm attracted to "straight acting
guys" hardly means they have a homophobic personality. For "those" that say, I'm attached to straight acting
guys, just "one" notion they are conveying is that they prefer guys that aren't "effeminate" or have meek and
mild tendencies. Being a gay guy yourself that have been to meetings, gay clubs, bars, sex spots, etc. haven’t
you NOTICED that many "gays" (no all) tend to "behave" (in case the word "ACT" bothers you) in a very mild
mannered, meek and "nelly" manner? Nothing wrong with that! If that is their personality, that’s their
personality and their right…no issues! If you say “no” you’ve never noticed that behavior, then you’re being
deceitful or have no knowledge of male masculinity . Gays can and sometimes are very catty and “many”
exhibits passive aggressive (for whatever reasons...doesn't matter for this conversation at this time) which
to some guys are a big turn off! Are all gays "soft, meek, mild mannered, passive aggressive" and such,
absolutely NOT! There's the Leather and BDSM scene/gear types but that's still doesn't fall into the
"straight acting" group....

So when guys say they like straight acting guys, they ARE NOT LOOKING for those meek, passive aggressive personalities to interact with and please sexually. If they want meek, nelly, catty guys, they can get that a
dime a dozen! Are all gays like that, NO! So please don't go there to cheapen and side track the discussion.
Some gays fantasize and seek out "straight acting guys" (SAG) that will allow them to admire, touch, feel
and service the SAG as the SAG indicates and DEMAND! Like a toy or dog that they own and definitely NOT
IN THE BDSM FORMAT! But more of, I'm a jock, I know I'm jock, I behave as a JOCK! I’m not seeking you’re APPROVAL or COMMENTARY about my JOCK personality/persona. I don’t give a damn if it offends you!
If you have a problem with my JOCK-NESS the world is a big place, feel free to push-off! To be with me you
must accept my JOCK style, my JOCK mannerism and my JOCK tenaciousness. It's my way or the highway!
Those gay guys that SEEK this JOCK persona (there’s many levels of it, NOT JUST ONE) want and desire
SAGS that have this “my way or HIGHWAY trait ." This adds to the psychological lust in many ways, with at
least THREE aspects being the MOST common (of the str8 guy/str8 acting) and important features. 1) Please
the Straight Acting Guy that allowing him to continue to touch, service and interact with the SAG in any manner
the SAG dictates. 2) Self satisfaction and sexual arousal of pleasing a SAG to the point that the SAG allows
him to continue to please him. 3) The feeling of the worthwhile attention BOTH receives from this rapport.
It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with "hidden" homophobic tramae as you suggest! Just a different
type of masculinity that is quite COMMON in straight guys than in gays...thus the term Straight Acting Guys! If
you're trying to say you’ve never noticed that many gays exhibits a more meek, timid and non outwardly
aggressive traits than straight guys, then you're exhibiting PC to the point of absolute denial! I would hate to
go to you and you tell me I have hidden homophobic hatred of myself for being attracted to SAGS! Do your own
study! Ask 25 Str8 guys to list "5" things they like. Then ask 25 gay guys to list "8" things they like and
count the number of common traits on both list! EXCLUDE common "PC" responses such as "reading, walking, talking". You'll see that straights tend to always like more physical, mechanical, outdoor activities than gays.
You'll undoubtedly want to say, “that's stereotyping." Say it and be done with it! Did you notice the SAG there?

Do the STUDY!!! Stereotyping or profiling doesn't always mean there's no truth to it! Therapists often
categorized other aspects of people, personality and tendencies with no problems. Then when something pops
up that seems "touchy" you stop and label it as stereotyping, racist or homophobic (because it’s non PC) and
discard the results. Some gays like, enjoy and seek these magnate, boytjie, bucks, studs, jock personas
because they see an attractiveness that perhaps eludes you. Perhaps you feel relationships should be
completely equal and sharing and well balanced and all these nice sweet sounding and smiley things. Well,
that’s you! Perhaps you might think blue is the best color, that’s fine. Certainly you would agree that those
that think green or gold are nicer colors are allowed to do so without being labeled or slurred (called
homophobic and other references) because they’re attracted to green or gold (straight acting guys). Not
everyone seek or enjoy the same things in life as you or MOST people do...they seek and want something
different. Not all SAGS work on cars and play basketball. And not all gays like to arrange flowers and pick
out furniture. Seeking SAGS that DO like working on cars and playing basketball doesn’t diminish that person
or gays that like those type of guys. I would encourage you to do the study I suggested and post the
“raw” results.

[raymarsh]

There is a happy medium between butch and femme. The problem with some straight acting guys is that they want you to fit into a heteronormative role - To be the kinda wife. No Gay guy can be perfectly straight acting. The animosity that a lot of guys feel towards male-male affection, and the ritualized stag fights in war games and sports are not what Gays can get into generally. Gay guys have straight fathers who seemed to have a bit of reliability. They go out into the Gay scene and there are all of these flaky and opportunistic guys who just seem really dodgy. Anyone who seems to be really Gay is associated with very low social status. When you get older you realize how your conditioning made it difficult to find a partner, but you unfortunately when you are young - and at the best age to find one - you are totally unprepared for navigating the more and more complex LGBT world. I am sure that most Gay people never have a true fulfilling relationship. Only 10%, at most, get married to another man. They have moved onto trans rights, and the whole Gay thing hasn't even been resolved.