Rethinking your toxic relationships

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[sparkygump]

While I don't miss my toxic family, I do miss what could have been. I was given the choice between my self respect or their company. I went with me. I'd rather be lonely than miserable.

[kristinewaithaka]

I thank God for this year. I've done a lot of work on myself and realized how strong I am.

[mandolinvale]

I realized this around my birthday in June. I also realized how stressed I got about trying to dress up and try to get approval from people who didn’t care.

[SSJ]

2020 was my year! I turned everything around!

[gramadebi]

Please tell your Momma THANK YOU from me for the GIFT she gave humanity when she made you!!! <3

[travels]

Sometimes I feel so alone in this, but reading the comments always reminds me that I am not alone❤️

[islandia]

Saying “no” because of health orders is good practice for saying “no” of your own accord. Thanks Dr. Ramani!

[angel]

It's an absolute joy NOT to feel obliged to spend the holidays in a snake pit!.!. Love to you and your mom..blessings and love..💜

[ellebee]

I'm thankful to be at a point in my life where I only spend time with the people who love me. You cannot put a price on peace.

[ladyafricka]

Thanks Dr Ramani. Happy holidays to you too. My first holiday in 14 yrs being single lonely but I’m at peace. The apartment isn’t heavy with despair. I’m lonely but I’ve always been lonely even when he was here. Hoping it’s the start of a new beginning

[beckyenglish]

From Western Australia...I’m so sorry so many parts of the world are back on lockdown.

Dr R...the effect you’ve had on my life can’t be overstated...I watched your videos for MONTHS before gathering the energy to leave my husband (of 20 years) in August last year: am now officially divorced, and back with my family, from whom I was cut off for so long.

I really hope you can see your mum soon; she must have been an incredible woman to produce you, who will never know how many people your videos have influenced and empowered.

[masterpeacetherapy]

This is already happening. We couldn’t do our traditional family entrenched things revolving around hierarchy male head of household and walking on eggshells around the anger. I was able to get a Christmas tree for the first time on my own and set it up with no anger or arguing! Won’t be seeing my other qualifiers either. I really need this wonderful peaceful holiday break.

[thesweetestlaax]

This is the first Christmas I’m spending alone. I couldn’t be happier 😌

[celanaellist]

At 79 years old i just realized my mother was a narc. The holidays were always stressful . My thoughts and actions were monitored by my mother .always .Christmas holiday was when she got her narc supply
Her death was a feeling of relief . No more toxic narc family members to see! Setting boundaries was never possible as this would make the toxic situation worse!

[vanessap.]

I feel bad for everyone going thru hell this pandemic, but for me it has been a great opportunity to set boundaries with my family, and realize they CAN live without me as 24/7 servicer. It taught me they are their own adults and can take care of their own affairs and I'm allowed to concentrate on mine. This realization came during the first lockdown as everyday I was needed more and more but I was also opening my eyes to the abuse and had no idea how to put a stop to it. Then came the "don't see anyone outside of your household" regulation and I had never been happier in my life 😅

[brittanyb]

I will admit that the travel and social restrictions have a been a blessing in disguise because it was an easy out if you're not wanting to do something 🤷🏾‍♀️

[nimmieamee]

I have always longed for the fairytale Christmas and tell everyone I’m one of those obnoxious Christmas people. It’s kind of true! I like the lights and I love getting gifts and wrapping them, and baking, and decorating, and singing God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, etc. But a lot of this genuine love for “making the season bright” came from trying so hard as a kid to make the holiday a day my narc dad finally couldn’t ruin. Then as an adult a day for my younger siblings and nephew that wouldn’t be ruined by my narc sister. Past few years, I’ve run myself ragged decorating and cleaning and singing and wearing merry desperation, and one if not both would find ways to ruin it, to show up and relentlessly criticize younger family members until they cried, slyly manipulate older family members until they made them irate, lie and gaslight, even get litigious against family members for fun — yes, my father has admitted he pays his lawyer to send scary letters to people for “fun.” 

Only after the holiday of course they both would come and complain to me with a woe-is-me face about how they had such a difficult holiday season and how “easy” it was for me with my “easy” life to enjoy the holidays (yes, they both have some real covert tendencies).

This year I’m not seeing or even really speaking to either of them. I’m putting up the lights to make me happy. Writing the cards to those who seem the most lonely. Singing the stupid carols I want to sing, without being slyly told how pathetic it is that I enjoy them. Even finally working up the nerve to do the cooking! My sister would reduce me to an anxious mess any time I tried to cook as a kid, criticizing everything in order to get my older family to chastise me for doing it wrong, and my father would demand I cook only to immediately find the one thing his CHILD had made that wasn’t up to his standards, so weirdly despite loving Christmas I’ve always been afraid to try and cook the holiday meal, kind of afraid of cooking, period.

But yesterday I found some recipes I like and it hit me. Might be actually nice and fun, for once, to cook something. It might actually be SAFE to do so.

This is so far the best holiday I’ve had in a while. I hope it stays that way.

[erinfitzgerald]

I have excluded the toxic family member from my festivities for several years now but this year, my guilt has been lessened. I am grateful for less guilt this year.

[jeffinetlyjeffbi]

I have offered many times to pay you or really fund your channel. Never have you responded. You've helped me far beyond the boundaries of the very therapist I've paid to see.

[johnoprendek]

I hope your mother heals nicely from whatever ill is happening to her! Thank you for rooting for us! woot! Thank you Dr. Ramani!