Did you 'waste' your life with a narcissist?

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[Beanp]

I have to say, the "waste" is real, as we watch most around us enjoying fulfilling normal lives, and many of us sustained huge losses and lived without love like Romanian orphans and were emotionally starved if not abused. Worse, most of us have to keep the abuse to ourselves, as victims who "come out" ironically do get attacked. However, we can't go back in time, and the adage "today is the first day of the rest of your life" is correct. Thank you for such an encouraging video. We all have to make up for lost time. Unfortunately for many of us, it is too late to pursue a genuine relationship and we might have to live as a single. However, it is better to live alone than with someone who is unable to love and will never love, who sees you either as an idiotic sheep (sociopath) or worthless trash (narcissist). Spending our days in pursuit of our other passions, reading, writing, designing, doing constructive projects, caring for others, is enough as we shape our souls for the moment of truth when we leave this earth.

[peggycearnach]

I feel like I was in jail for something I didn’t know I had done. For most of it, I didn’t even understand the limits and restrictions I was living under. I will keep working on my recovery, but it’s slow going. Best wishes to all survivors here.

[lindaerklin]

Dearest Dr. Ramani....
Was in a narcissistic relationship for 33 years. You had a BIG BIG hand in saving and helping me. I can't possibly thank you enough ❤️

[JulietMartin]

I am the woman you described with over 60 years with narcissistic abuse. Life has not been wasted, but the cruelty provides a valuable barometer for all the blessings. ❤️🇨🇦👩🏼‍🏫

[KatyWithAWhyyy]

"A narcissistic relationship is a masterclass on instinct." Well said! 🙌🏼

[kellyyork]

I’m older and spent over 17 years with a paranoid, malignant narcissist. Yes, it’s a waste, usually of your best years. It affects you for the rest of your life on so many levels. It affects your children, extended family, friendships, professional goals, etc. And in old age, you have nightmares, regrets, bitter/awful memories...not something you want to have haunt you on an emotional level as your body is also aging and failing.

[azed]

I was a suicidal mess for over 10 years. I can say those were wasted years of my life, but I wouldnt be who I am now if I hadnt lived through it. And I love who I am and the life I live now.

[ClezVideos]

My parents were narcissists and when I left home, I ended up in a 15 year relationship with a violent & abusive narcissist. On paper, it looks like such a waste of life as I ended up extremely mentally unwell from PTSD as a result of the abuse. However, it’s given me an understanding of what’s really important to me. While I see people running around, wanting material items, flashy holidays, putting pressure on their kids to be ‘perfect’, wasting time on relationships because you’re supposed to be in one. The narcissistic relationships have shown me I value *calm*, safety, softness, compassion and empathy. That’s why I love this channel because Dr. Ramani is the epitome of all of those values.

[brandonf.]

I'm 33 and believe I gained life from exiting a narcissistic relationship. Its bad when it's a parent and you realize they only had their own interest in mind.

[ssully]

This is exactly where I’m at currently. After 38 yrs of his drama/lies/and multiple affairs I’m questioning myself. We’re divorced now and I’m working on forgiving myself while focusing on my life. Focusing on my strengths and happiness.

[larkshelleycrudele]

Bless you, Dr. Ramani. This is spot on and a great reminder for me. After 20 years with a narc I finally had enough but the divorce process was so painful I drank myself to oblivion. Not saying he is why I'm an alcoholic but the pain of realizing that I was never loved, cared for, or touched with true emotion, was so mind-blowing I self-medicated. It's all behind me now and I hold the power of knowledge to help me understand, forgive and move on. Five years sober and my life is absolutely beautiful.

[ardent]

I just want to send compassion to anyone who feels they wasted their life in a narcissistic situation. Sometimes I feel this way a bit, but I've still got my 40s, 50s, 60s, maybe even 70s, to look forward to, to accomplish things, to have peace and joy, and maybe to find love again. I've had two career opportunities destroyed, an educational opportunity destroyed, fake love, humiliation, etc, but there's still a chance it can all get better. "You get to spend the rest of your life seeing the world more clearly" That's the silver lining of all the dark clouds of narcissism. Love and compassion to anyone who feels their time was wasted, I wish that you spend the rest of your time doing everything that makes you happy.

[jen]

After 20+ years (andI married mine twice🤦🏼‍♀️) I literally left
mine this morning. Thank you.❤️

[maryam-rxhu]

Dr Ramani, your hard life with narcissistic person turned you into the sun.
Giving so much light and warmth to us .
Thank you so much ❤️

[eperon]

As Sara Teasdale wrote: “To turn the lifeless wine of grief…. to living gold.”

[dooversbydonna]

I’ve been needing this topic. It is my main struggle at 60 years old after a 28 year marriage. I realize I’m in the fourth quarter of my life. I don’t want sorrow to be the main component.

[anavoodoo]

That is so true.
Nothing is waste. Every experience, especially the bad ones, lead to a greater destination.

[amygrumbling]

Dr. Ramani, the day I discovered you on YouTube was a profound blessing! Your wisdom has helped me move from oppression to freedom... thank you for all that you do!

[maxp]

I felt like I wasted 20 years of my life on two relationships that were very flawed (the dads of my two kids). The first had severe mental health problems he didn't deal with constructively, the second was an abusive narcissist. I don't ever want to be in another relationship again as long as I live, which breaks my heart.

[kerrymarsh]

I have felt this same way, like I wasted so many years being abused and harmed in so many ways. I can’t change that, but can only move forward realizing, as you say, that none of it is wasted, and beauty will come from the ashes. I truly appreciate you, Dr. Ramani, and thank you for this encouraging message!