The SECRET to Turning Conflict back into Connection

You're not JUST fighting about the dishes or the bedroom or work, you're fighting about hidden feelings and needs that we so often don't feel safe to share. The only issue is, without vulnerability, we can't actually experience any intimacy or connection with someone else. In this video I go through a few essential principles to resolve your conflicts together in a mutually respectful, empathetic way that actually leads to the closeness and passion you want in your relationship.
#conflictresolution #relationship #marriageadvice

How to get HER in the MOOD (funny)

[ikasugami]

The Pillars of Conflict Resolution:
1) 2:20 - Have a culture of appreciation and affection in your relationship.
2) 4:36 - Create a safe place for your partner to be honest and vulnerable about any unmet needs, hurts, feelings, or complaints.
3) 9:12 - Identify actual feelings and needs (with lists of words that are actual feelings and needs).
4) 13:09 - Express yourself with respectful vulnerability (have a framework for having hard discussions).
5) 19:37 - Validate your partner even if you don't agree with their feelings.
6) 26:44 - Set and communicate healthy boundaries around conflict (and understand your partner's boundaries).
7) 28:10 - Take accountability for and repair old hurts.

[abluemuse]

Marriages die in the conversations that never happen.

[helenalderson]

I probably need to watch this several times

[MikaelLarsson]

I’m not going to read another book on love and relationships again. I’m just going to go back and watch this video. It really packs the wisdom of a whole book.

[tillytuott]

In the past, I was defensive and dismissive of your feelings. I would shut down because I felt overwhelmed and attacked. But I now realize that you weren’t trying to shame me; you were trying to express how you felt loved and valued. I can see that when I would shut down or defend myself, I left you feeling abandoned and alone. I am so sorry; that was wrong. It makes sense why you didn’t feel safe to be vulnerable, but I want to change that. I want to do everything I can to repair this and learn how to show up for you because that’s what you deserve.

[HeadpainWontStopMe]

Common words/phrases we need to use to express our feelings (thanks Jimmy):
ashamed
embarrassed
humiliated
rejected
neglected
abandoned
frustrated
angry
disrespected
afraid
overwhelmed
worried
confused
pressured
blamed
lonely
unheard
sad
hurt
misunderstood
hopeless
disconnected

[quiltscatsandkids]

I also love when you say “the story I am telling myself”. I think that is such a nice way to express yourself because you are admitting your point of view and that it may not be reality.

[JocelynSu-te]

Wow! That is a lot to unpack! I love how you give examples of what it should and shouldn't sound like! This stuff is so important! I appreciate you, Jimmy!

[Kateanada]

My husband and I have been through some ROUGH stuff…… we are going to reconcile our marriage…. We are using this video tonight … pausing it on anything that seems familiar and talking about it … I told him it’s going to take 6 hours to get through it 😂 thank you Jimmy

[dame_of_groans]

Oh my gosh, why do I cry every time I watch these videos?? It seems so foreign to me that people can actually talk to each other in these safe ways that you share with us. It blows my mind and trying to imagine it leaves me in tears.

[textinface]

Ur ability to demonstrate compassion, empathy, and understanding for a relationship - towards both your partner and yourself - are light years ahead of the average joe.

Your ability to perfectly articulate and convey that is also something i am grateful for. Hope i continue to grow and develop in my own life to display these traits better and better throughout my relationship. You are making people better human beings!!

[limanino]

This video saved me from a big fight today. Thank god I watched it 2 days ago. Had to come back to say: thank you so much!

[crystalbutterfl]

Jimmy, Thank you for turning what must have been a very difficult situation for you and your family into something that is helping the rest of us learn how to build a healthy relationship.

Thank you!

[kingofjland]

As someone who is recently single after a 3-year relationship, I wish we had been better at these techniques...things might have ended up differently. Thank you providing this education for free.

[sharicoburn]

When you ask to have a conversation about something you would like to share and they tell you they don't have time for that but they don't offer a time when you can talk.

[phoantix]

I revisited this today after breaking things off with a guy I'd been seeing to for about a month. I told him some needs I had to feel cared about and his response was "you seem really insecure and need too much validation." My response was "It sounds like you think my needs are unreasonable." He said "they are." That was when I told him that he doesn't get to decide my needs, I do. And if he isn't able to meet my needs, that's totally ok but I won't be able to date him. He was flabberghasted by this and after calling me 'ridiculous' in so many words he blocked me. In the past that may have hurt me...heck, I would have kept pining after him to meet my needs. Now I call it for what it is--you don't believe in meeting needs, so why waste my effort? Thank You Jimmy for reminding me that standards and boundaries don't have to be mean! In fact, it's kind to call it quits instead of trying to force someone to be on the same page. It's empowering!

[KarynMBrown]

nice video. Not being with my partner, whom I've been dating for three years and whom I love so much, feels like a nightmare to me. All I've ever wanted is for us to have kids of our own and be happy.

[silberdistl]

I have realized that even when you think you're being mindful, situations still occur like: He says he doesn't want to call the dentist because they won't be understanding again, and instead of first acknowledging that he's scared, you respond with, "What's so bad about making a quick call?"

[Jam-mm]

How Jimmy talks. Is how my wife and I both behave. I’m 70 years old. We both have each other’s back. 44 years together is easy. Alls you need is love. ❤️

[cameronblake]

Jimmy, thankyou so much for all you do. My relationship has improved so much because of your wisdom