How to Resolve Conflict in Relationships: A Conversation with Esther Perel

Conflict is not reserved for politics or public policy — it also happens within relationships. Couples have arguments over what’s happening behind closed doors, their beliefs, and how to navigate the future together. However, it’s through resolving conflict that both people in the relationship feel heard and seen. Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times-bestselling author Esther Perel has spent her career offering insight and guidance to individuals and couples. She says conflict, when navigated skillfully, can lead to growth, resilience, and a stronger bond. In this conversation with host and moderator-in-chief John Donvan, Perel discusses her new “Turning Conflict into Connection” online course, shares her experience working with different relationship types, strategies anyone can use for transforming disagreement into a constructive dialogue, and the importance of validating both sides’ perspectives in any situation.

#opentodebate #debate #conflict #relationships #EstherPerel #ConflictResolution


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Please watch: "Unresolved: The Iran Threat"
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[OpentoDebate]

Explore our latest newsletter insights and debater editorials. Esther Perel on Resolving Conflict in Relationships

[Some_kind_of_wonderfü]

I absolutely love Esther. Whereas everyone else seems to regurgitate information that’s already been spoken about so many times, she consistently provides new and relevant information, yet also staying true to her original message. And she’s so articulate!

[lexiaotiqin]

Amazing life, the child of two holocaust survivors, somehow seems like a cosmic manifestation that Esther teaches the world about love and connection. Huge gratitude for your work, both of you! xx

[whiskych]

Esther Perel's material is so good

[alinapisica]

Finally some really good questions! And the way the host ask the questions, with such curiosity.. first time when I’m on this channel but will def come back. Thank you! 🙏

[chilloften]

So enjoy taking in what Ester discusses. I love it to, psychology.

[Soundarya.e]

What they believe in, what has happened in their life, what is important to them.
Power, control- who makes the decision ? Whose priority matters most? trust- care and closeness, who has my back, who can I rely on ? respect, valued, recognition, where do I matter? we are all fighting for.

[ellenbruckermarshall]

Excellent guests, excellent format.
Thank you.

[armanshaghi]

Thank you for sharing this interesting conversation, themes we've all encountered, great to reflect on them and gain new perspectives/approaches ❤️🙏

[tarutran]

where can we find the clip with nincompoop that was shown

[nancychace]

"How they deny the validity of any other person -" Rings a bell after finding a lot of food missing, plants in the backyard trashed, literally someone found a way to let their dog into my backyard to do its business. Clothes missing. Overcharged double at the grocery store for something then finding it missing from the refrigerator. They have literally shit on me. Trashed part of a fence that's had a problem I was trying to resolve. Even when I try to take constructive action to improve I get shit on. Who really has the problem? Me or whomever? There's a difference between trying to work things out with someone who has a different point of view and trying to deal with someone sick and abusive.
On kitchen sinking - What about trauma that builds up over time? I get what Esther is saying, but the current issue may only be the symptom of something much greater that's built up over time. You can't dismiss 40 years of abuse by only scratching the surface of an iceberg with much greater substance going on under the surface. Not trying to score. Trying to resolve but unfortunately there's a lot going on with that.
Respectfully, not sure that if you are not civil or polite in how you deal with something like this, that's your character. Some people don't understand civility. The only way you can get their attention is to hand them back a dose of their own medicine. That doesn't mean there are no limits to how you can abuse others. That does mean there's a level at which unfortunately it takes fire to fight fire. I've heard stories from some European friends about how course some of the US soldiers were when they came to Europe to fight the Nazis. I don't doubt it. But I would politely and respectfully ask them to look at what those soldiers were up against. It's important to view it in terms of the greater context. They had to be fierce to fight a fierce enemy, civility be dammed. The Nazis were anything but civil.
What people fight about - power, trust and value. Those who are so insecure they must trash someone's yard and steal their food to make themselves feel powerful are certainly on a toxic power trip. Extraordinarily insecure and hypocritical. If some chain yanker out there has a problem with women or is otherwise sickly sadistic, that's not my problem. That's theirs. Instead of making others take the heat for it, they need to look in the mirror. In my experience there has been no recognition of the "other". There has only been recognition of an extraordinarily one-sided, narrow-minded, hypocritical, selfish and greedy view. I'm so tired of it I could almost start projectile vomiting it right back at "them".
Really agree how society seems to be cutting itself off from itself. Sometimes no matter how I look at it it only seems like lemmings heading for a cliff, but that's not the attitude to take. You can't give up.
Thanks and appreciation for this video. Thank you, Esther, for being there. I'm learning a lot. "Godspeed" for better days ahead.

[kristine]

What about being ghosted? And not wanting to resolve the tension that results from that?

[doriannemosich]

How about a basic handbook on healthy correct respectful healing relationships, intimate, friends, family or even adult bullies? thanx Esther I need help. God gives us a lifetime to figure it all out on how to love or just get along with others. Dogs get it, why can't we?

[arianaalvarez]

It's like me I cant believe I'm with a guy that wants to date other women. How does that affect me ? how it affects me if I'm mad or sad because I know he texts other women and my kids feel and see my hurt which worries them. That's not nice.

[Mushroom-]

" its not what he couple is fighting about", its what is the couple fighting for" ? 🤔😲

[wudubora]

If you are two people who are okay with the other having sex with others, then they are not in a partnership, they are in a friendship.

[marilynoverton]

Great content, but oh, my gosh, so many commercials. Very distracting and disjointed to the conversation.

[fatoufrancescambow]

Sorry, I just read the title. But…isn’t conflict the absence of relationship? The fact that we suppose/want one at the time of conflict, isn’t that the reason for the escalating violence? Conflict is the symptom of an absent relationship at that very time and should be acted as such at that very time : there is no reason to stay in conflict

[wudubora]

Sorry, maybe I am a Neanderthal, but you will never convince me that philandering will in ANY WAY improve a relationship. This comes from someone who was cheated on and tried to work through it with my wife, who promised would never do it again, yet she just kept on other men. At one point, I gave up. I stayed in the house until the kids turned 18 and the next day, filed for divorce. It did not help my relationship one iota and you will never convince me it would ever help. Also, my kids, one of which is my step-child, still call me dad and refuse to talk to my ex because they saw what she was doing. If you are okay with your committed partner(apparently saying "married" is too old fashioned) going out a other people, then you, by definition, are not in a committed relationship. After seeing this "therapist's" TED Talk extolling the benefits of non-monogamy, I can't take anything this person says seriously.

[leiladarling]

If US collapses due to narrative mismanagement, could we the world go into WW III ?
The political parties, when debating, are a little bit confusing in 2024 political debate, which illustrates the difference between destructive conflict and healthy conflict.
All of this happening in the realm of a...Conversation.
We are part of us in the United States.And everywhere as well.
I hope you got that there is an attribution error.
This is my second comment.
Thank you to Dr. Esther Perel.