Growing up with Vietnamese parents vs. German parents

Until I met German boyfriend, and moved to Germany, I always believed that how I grew up was normal, but I guess they do things differently in Germany. 😅

00:00 Intro
01:32 Family Foundation
02:02 My Parents
03:23 German bf Parents
05:21 Discipline & Reprimands
07:23 Personal Expression
09:24 Voicing Opinion
10:15 Showing Affection
11:39 Navigating Expectations
13:27 Mental Health
14:15 Relationship Dynamics Dating
15:14 Celebrations
16:27 Sacrifices & Support
17:51 Moving Out
19:48 Outro
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Hi, I'm Uyen Ninh but please just call me Uyen!
Originally from Vietnam, I now explore life in Germany, sharing my unique perspective through my videos on my way to be your favorite Ausländer! 😁

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for Videos and Shorts: @uyenninh

[vomm]

One thing you shouldn't forget is the vast field of war traumas. Vietnam was at war 50 years ago. There was a lot of misery, a lot of drama, a lot of trauma. I live in Germany and my childhood was full of massive violence, my parents had a hard time raising us, and I know that my parents also experienced a lot of physical and emotional violence from their parents. And this is not so uncommon, even in Germany. I know the feeling very well when you meet people who are confident, funny, open, extroverted, loving, honest, and you realize that it's because they were just loved unconditionally. One can only try to break the vicious cycle. In the end, the parents are also victims who were never helped.

[sabrinagranger]

The way that you are able to understand the injustice and the issues, and to condemn the wrong treatment directly and without shame, but also have so much respect, grace and understanding and compassion for your parents and their circumstances, really is a testament to how kind and mature of a person you are.

[emmaguile]

Uyen's comment section is such a place of love, compassion and honesty. No where else on youtube do I find as consistently kind comments sections as Uyen's, she inspires people to reflect on their own lives and share their stories.
Love you Uyen, your content is so special to me and so many people.

[brittanynaeckel]

I love your ability to explain cultural differences with such a clear and light tone while adding some humour as well. I really enjoy your videos, I love how you aren't afraid to be so real with us! ☺️ You seem like such a cool person to be around. Your perspective on life is contagious.

[Sicanda]

That's really interesting. I'm German, in my 30s, and from what I've experienced most of what you describe about German parents is a pretty recent shift. The way my mom and dad were treated by their parents was a lot closer to what you describe Vietnamese parenting to be like, and my parents were still somewhat strict and emotionally detached because of how they were raised. But they did their best to be more loving, they made time to play with me and my siblings, and most importantly they never beat us (like their parents did, it was just considered normal and good for discipline back then). I don't have children yet, but my friends do, and I'm amazed to see how parenting has become so much more about encouragement, communicating feelings and MUTUAL respect. And I think it's great to see the shift in our society from "Oh no, I did something bad, my parents are gonna kill me if they find out" to "Oh no, I did something bad, I need to tell my parents so we can figure this out together."

[chaoskampf]

My ex from Korea was super devastated when he realized this in Germany too.

[staceya]

From an outsiders perspective, Germans are not always overtly demonstrative as adults, but they're incredibly open and affectionate with their children. They have strong family values, and seem to build stable and supportive connections. I admire their culture a great deal for that.

[Julay]

As child growing up in an asian household I can totally relate to the things you mentioned. Additionally we grew up in Germany, to see the contrast to how different the parents of my friends treated them was really difficult for me. After growing up I realized my parents did the best they could and that they probably didn't know better, since they were raised the same. Nowadays they are much more relaxed. Great video as always Uyen(:

[Melancholia.dropdead]

I am a child of a mixed german/turkish-japanese household. I was also born in 1995.
I never got the love a child deserves. My mother, who was of german origin, was really strict with me, but my father was straight up completely violent to me and my mother because he always said that girls and women are worthless and need to listen to their husband/ father. My mother was beaten in front of our eyes (my 1-year-older brother and me)
When I was 3 years old, my father used to beat me too for being a girl, saying to teach me discipline and respect against men. Our family was poor, we barely got a warm meal to eat mostly my mother starved herself, i had like one toy my neighbour gifted me, because she knew what I and my mother were going through, but she couldn't really help becausemy mother kept returning to that violent man, that was her husband. I saw and heard things a kid never should see and experience. My mother was not able to show love to her children, but I never gave her the fault in that. She has been through a lot, and I still feel so sorry for her. She had been humiliated for years, and I was never planned. I was the product of violence. No wonder she couldn't be the mother that she probably wanted to be.
I ran away from home when i was 16 years old because i couldn't take it anymore. I ran away to my boyfriend (today he is my husband). I never returned back home. My father didn't even care, he always said I would end up as some wh_re that i an unworthy and that I broke the family honor. My mother decided to cut her contact to me. She never called or asked again for me and blocked me. I assume that she is still with him.

Today, I am a mother of 2 wonderful kids, and i would always give my life to them. I have a loving german husband, and I learned a lot through my own experiences. I still need therapy to get along with all the ptbs/depression I have. But I know that I can get through this because now I have my own loving family. ❤️

Lots of love to Uyen. Feel hugged, my dear. It's wonderful to hear that you still love and respect your family, although you had hard times too. ❤

[Purpleskymalayali]

Oh Uyen, just replace the word Vietnamese with Indian- and there you have my entire childhood. I feel you

[PincheBeckyEffsgiven]

I can relate, and I'm Mexican. Our parents tried their best with what they had. You are a great woman who has empathy, love and are so creative. I'm glad you found peace with your parents. ❤❤

[PapaHotelRLG]

“To raise us with that much love and compassion, that she didn’t show to our face but she has in her heart”. Wonderfully spoken❤

[mary]

Omg the pretending to be asleep just to hear your mom say kind words about you… that breaks my heart so much!!!

[rue__]

I love how you actually asked for his permission, super respectful.

[joyindrelie]

I LOVE that you're giving dignity to your mom for doing the best she could considering she was expected to work AND run the house AND raise 4 kids AND meet community standards. No wonder she was stressed and took it out on others! Glad she sounds like she's been doing better ❤️

[HNCS]

I would strongly recommend many people who relate to the Vietnamese side of the story to look into complex trauma. No matter why our parents did what they did, the reality is that the consequence of this style of upbringing is very often complex trauma.

Edit: I'm currently watching videos by Tim Fletcher on this topic and it has been incredibly insightful.

[JuliaDarling]

YOU showed your mom how to put onself first, even if she didn't like it at first. Now I'm sure she's not only very proud of you and the life you have created for yourself, but also feels inspired by your very presence in her life.

Uyen, you are blessed with a very wise, almost spiritual mindset, look at how many people (close and afar) you inspire to follow your compassionate mindset. ❤ You have basically synthesized the best of each worlds: east and west. Blessings to you🙏

[manfredhaller]

I grew up in Germany and was never beaten by my parents. Beating children is an expression of helplessness,

[sirilucksana]

Hi Uyen - My family is from Thailand but I was born in England. I'm probably old enough to be your mother but I recognise so much of what you sad about your upbringing and am so impressed that you're able to understand the cultural reasons behind this at such a young age without being resentful. Love your channel!

[anaidprz]

Hearing you speak of these childhood experiences pulled some strings in me. Much like you, I grew locked at home, playing by myself or watching TV. I am a very imaginative person, but I tend to shelter inward when I am in social situations. The upside it's that I rarely suffer from loneliness, the downside it's that making friends and trusting people it's hard for me. Thank you for sharing this personal side of your upbringing. I think you are very brave.