Why We Don't Really Want to be Nice

Being ‘nice’ sounds a bit eerie and strange. It shouldn’t really.

FURTHER READING

“Setting out to try to become a nicer person sounds like a deeply colourless and dispiriting ambition. In theory, we love niceness of course, but in practice, there appears to be something embarrassingly anodyne, meek, tedious and even sexless about the concept. A nice person sounds like something we would try to be only once every other more arduous and more rewarding alternative had failed...”

MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Mad Adam Films

Feature Films:

The Truman Show (1998)
Barely Lethal (2015)
Bridget Jones' Diary (2001)
Monsters Inc (2001)
10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
Trainwreck (2015)
The Life of Brian (1979)
Muppets' Christmas Carol (1992)
It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
The Hudsucker Proxy (1994)
Wuthering Heights (2010)
Starter for 10 (2006)
Jane Eyre (2011)
American Honey (2016)
A Room With a View (1985)
The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)
The Social Network (2010)
Office Space (1999)
Dr. No (1962)
The Duke of Burgundy (2014)
Fargo (1996)
Alfie (1966)
50 Shades of Grey (2015)
Honeytrap (2014)
Brave (2012)
About a Boy (2002)
Conan the Barbarian (1982)
The Breakfast Club (1986)
Paddington (2015)

TV Series':

Friends
The Simpsons
Luther
The American Office
Mad Men #TheSchoolOfLife

[Lgisas]

I used to be overly nice but when you're overly nice people will often step on you or use you. It's important to be nice but you should also be able to stand up for your self and to be able to be selfish when it's appropriate. I think everything virtue needs balance.

[miamia]

we shouldn't mistake kindness for weakness.

[Lotusblume.]

There’s a difference between being nice and having healthy personal boundaries.

[TechLifestyle]

"Be arrogant with arrogant people; this is the only language they respect, as they confound kindness with weakness" - Paulo Coelho

[goatsingh]

niceness is fake-ness. nice is something you HAVE to be. "be nice to your sister", "be nice to the opposition".

KINDNESS is what you are. kindness is intuitive and genuine.

don't be nice.

[joshwi]

I know this may be a meaningless distinction, but I tend to think of 'niceness' as a formality - or a performance toward others, whereas kindness has more to do with intention.

For example, it's usually easy to be nice to a family member we dislike, or a friend of a friend we've just met - we act nicely toward them mostly to avoid confrontation or discomfort.

When we're kind to someone, it tends to be less about how the other person may react to us, and more to do with caring about their wellbeing.

These are just my thoughts, but in this sense, I hope I can become a kinder person.

[rheller_]

being nice is one of those things that is hard and easy at the same time.

[davidhutchinson]

I don't mind being nice. As long as you're truthful as well. And being truthful doesn't mean being rude either.

[-gemberkoekje-]

"Being nice for a prize isn't being nice at all"
-Mat Meese

[shinemperor]

Personally, I like being nice. I like seeing other people do well and be happy. I've helped people whose names I don't know. I've helped people for whom, no one knows I've helped. It means very little to me what vapid, empty meathbags think of me when I'm nice. I do it, because if I don't... I'll go fucking mad... Because the world at it's heart... is just a machine that grinds humans up for progress and I would like to think... that magic still exists.. and that's what kindness is... It's the input a system cannot parse... and that idea alone, for me, makes being kind worth it... It can't be properly predicted and measured and is often sneered away as self interest... when it's much purer than that... For me, kindness is anarchy.. If EVERYONE were kind... no one would recognize the world we live in... and that's the best part... Being kind, for me, is a revolutionary act.. In world of cynical competition driven by ambition, kindness is a subversive act.. and it's beautiful... and selflessness literally breaks the system..

[alexandert]

Because people take advantage of that sometimes.
So learn when to be nice and when to be fair and dont regress back to infancy .

[Dantick]

I can't overstate how much I appreciate the ideas you refine and put into videos

[kastubh]

romanticism really did number on our society..

[johndonaldson]

"Nice" - the MOST unflattering compliment you'll ever receive

[blueshattrick]

As Dalton would say, "Be nice, until it's time to not be nice."

[LookingForAName...]

I think that people that are always nice are not necessarily liked because they may appear to others as dishonest. They might be seen as cold and fake, even if they actually are simply considerate of others. I think that this suspicion about nice people stems from the fact that we rarely meet genuinely nice people.

[MicahBuzanANIMATION]

Human beings are multifaceted. It's possible to be nice and assertive at the same time. I'm very kind to people, but I don't behave in a way that would betray my values for the sake of being "nice".

Also, in the context of dating, the idea that nice guys finish last is a myth - any person who is attracted to an ass is likely not worth the trouble. All social animals have adapted to have a strong sense of fairness; e.g.the strategy of Tit for Tat. There is a healthy balance between being nice and assertive. To go too far in either direction is a mistake that will lead to people taking advantage of you, or resenting you.

[louisdavies]

"The things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, egotism and self-interest are the traits of success. And while men admire the quality of the first they love the produce of the second." - John Steinbeck

[LOLIN]

"Virtues in excess, turn into flaws" Moderation!

[listengort]

It's my third month in Nepal. People here, all of them, are REALLY, SINCERELY, ALWAYS warm, kind and nice. Come and see