What are the Benefits of Separation | Dr. David Hawkins

In this video Dr. David Hawkins discusses the benefits of separation, and how space away from one another is often necessary to the healing process.

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About

The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.

Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.

Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.

#separation #relationship #divorce

[pa]

This is so true. It is done to regain sanity. To recover and protect her own mental health.

[martyharding]

I am in the process of separating from my husband. He has so much rage and unresolved issues, he has not been willing to deal with. I have tried for six years to love, and pray for him, but I need to leave and allow the Lord to heal me, and leave fixing my husband to the Lord. We are both fifty. We have no children together. So there are no complications regarding that. I have lupus and am unable to drive or work. Walking around on eggshells is no way to live. The stress has made me so sick, and causes Lupus flares to happen. I am not looking to reconcile, but I do ask you pray for us, that God will heal the both of us. It is my prayer that my husband will willingly seek the help he needs.

[kembaprince]

Laying here the night before I move out and found this. We NEEDED this. Thank you❤❤❤❤❤. I'm looking forward to all this settling down so I can actually heal and feel and think!!

[kyronyxng]

This is literally something I need right now. My wife left only three days ago and took the kids. We are separated, but I believe we are still together. I hope we can find our way back to each other. But I very clearly need time to fix myself too. Thank you for making these discussions a little easier to get with. Money is very tight. Might not be able to afford full counseling.

[Lexilea]

I literally exhaled when you said the part about needing to just "settle" . (nerves, nervous system, cortisol).

[juliehebda]

Thank you for your calm words. I need to seperate from my verbally abusive husband. He blames me for his anger. IHhave asked him to a therapist as I see one myself to help me through my life turmoil. I can't handle walking on egg shells any longer. He feels he is infalliable and a wonderful spouse as he turns around and speaks down to me. I am relieved when he leaves out of town.

[tammiecrawford]

Wow...this is actually on point. We have been separated for 8 months with rarely communicating, because he was so bitter & mad that I couldn't talk to him. I found out he filed for divorced last weekend and I am devastated. I keep crying and have knots in my stomach. He didn't even try to talk to me first or give us a chance.

[madisonandthefarm]

This is so powerful, please pray for me, I had to leave my husband 2 days ago* I am trying to heal and think clearly, I am not really sure if we will be back together but apart of me hopes there could be reconciliation

[jeneeday]

I don’t need space I need him to change. You’re right it’s an act of desperation.

[TheeDrtyGhttoKid]

This is so hard to hear. My wife broke up with me yesterday. She didn’t kick me out. But she said she doesn’t want to be with me. She said eventually one of us will have to leave. I’m still processing the idea of separation. But the thought of not seeing my kids everyday it’s destroying me. The thought of not seeing my wife everyday is inconceivable. There hasn’t been a day that I haven’t seen her face in the past 10 years. I’m afraid a separation will only drive her away permanently. She’s said recently the long hours I’ve been working recently made her realize she doesn’t want this anymore. So what will even more time do? I don’t know what to do or say. I feel like time away won’t make me better either. I’ll only feel resentment and heartbreak. What do I do?

[Gholden]

But what about attorneys telling us men not to move out - we lose, leverage and the inability to see kids when we want.

[bluemindapproach]

Interesting insight. Thank you for sharing

[zariahlafleurpowell]

Thank you so much for your advice. This is what I'm looking at for my family. This is what my family would need. I hope my husband is receptive right now. We have a rest restraining order. We have both been very rotten to each other and There's been emotional end other abuse. I'm in counseling, I believe he really needs it. But he has not been willing to get it. I just hope that there will be
Restoration because our values are not irreconcilably different. It's just the mindset toward one another and the lack of trust

[bumblebee]

Sleep, lack of constant invalidation, lack of constant gaslighting, finally feeling good and happy. Separation is awesome. I love eating food that makes me feel good, doing things I like, sleeping, oh I love not being forced into exhaustion. I also love changing my clothes without my kids walking in on me.blooming my animals was awful, but sleeping a full night and not being invalidated is so incredible and wonderful. I much rather sleep then be with that over sized toddler who has to control everything.

[sylgem]

He flipped this morning over me turning on the heater in our condo for too long. Lovingly held my hand a few minutes prior and then called me inconsiderate, stupid "after 16 years of living in MY place don't you know how this heater works???" "I do, I was just really cold. I should not have put up the temperature to run this long, agreed on that. BUT he could have just said "I'm too warm, I'll go and turn it down a bit, is that OK?" right?.... I have a place I can go over Christmas, I think I should go there....

[belindasilva]

I decided to call quits on mothers day... i had hoped this separation would be a turning point in our lives. To get our act together. To learn and grow. Its been the most difficult and painful experience. especially with kids. Unfortunately he wont admit to pushing me away. and rather falsely accuse me of having someone else.😢

[karbofoss]

Hi my wife decided that I am not good enough for her and requested to separate and then divorse. This brought me piece of mind finally, I feel releaved, and there's no way we'll ever get together. She found a boyfriend (actually even before we separated), and I am even feeling for him, but I am happy that she is his problem now, not mine :)

[anthonytorres]

To begin with, women or men should not bring their childhood issues of physical, emotional and psychological abuse or abandonment issues into their marriages. How about people learn to control their egos. That would be a great start. What about the affect on children?

[kylespeaks]

Every separation I have heard of has ended in divorce. The are so many variables that have to be perfectly navigated to make a separation work. Most of us imperfect humans, will not navigate all those variables perfectly. Also, I think there is a difference in a 2 week separation to clear ones head and regain control of mental health, compared to a 6 month separation that rarely results in the marriage surviving.
If you are going to put ideas into mentally struggling people's heads, I would ask that you explain the differences in length of separation. Leaving it open ended with, "However much time they need" is irresponsible in my opinion.
The other factor is that splitting up the household, is traumatic for the children. Sure, living in a house with parents that are not in a good relationship can have negative effects, but bouncing children between two different locations is much worse.
My final frustration with your idea of separation is, once that precedent is set that it's ok to separate when people are unhappy, it becomes easier and easier to separate for longer periods of time if not permanently. There are so many flaws with this plan of yours and I am saddened how many people, my wife included, is subscribing to your ideas that will ultimately be disappointed by the results. Be well. God bless you.

[classytee]

Absolutely love your videos!!!! What do I do if I ask for a separation, he gives me one but set his terms on it just being a month which was not even close to being enough, he comes back home and refuses to leave and I cant afford to leave at this point?