How to Respond to “Bare Minimum” Texting

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So you like someone but they’re really bad at texting. Or they ONLY want to text and you can’t get them to have a real conversation when you’re apart. Is there anything you can do to move things forward?

In today’s video, I do something a little different. I break down a TikTok video where a woman gets increasingly frustrated with the “bare minimum” guy she’s dating as she reads through their texts. Then I share some different responses she could send to show more of her standards . . . to finally get out of texting limbo. Be sure to let me know your thoughts once you watch it!

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▼ Chapters ▼

0:00 – 1:42 – The “Bare Minimum” Texter (TikTok Video)
1:42 – 3:16 – When They’re MPI: Minimum Possible Investment
3:16 – 4:32 – Protecting Ourselves by Being Aloof
4:32 – 5:39 – Modeling the Behavior We Want to See
5:39 – 6:26 – When He Didn’t Answer the Phone
6:26 – 8:18 – The Opposite Effect of What We Want
8:18 – 11:02 – Inadvertently Enabling Their Behavior
11:02 – 12:03 – A Different Approach
12:03 – 14:42 – What If He Texts Instead of Calls?
14:42 – 16:32 – A New Tool

[khong_xiong]

We all reach a point in our healing journey where we stop trying to convince other people to do the right thing. We just observe their choice, understand their character, and decide what we’re doing to allow in our lives. May you choose Peace over inconsiderate/ immature love any day.

[roblovegreen]

It’s simple, never chase anyone. Go where you are celebrated not where you were tolerated.

[kninekate]

Dating was so much easier before mobile phones. 😂🤣😂 The guy had to call me on the home phone, get past my mum, which would pretty much be enough to ensure the good guys would ask me out on real dates, and the time wasters would never be heard from again!

[helenstaniskov]

It’s not only dating, it’s just humanity right now!

[blackmoonbellydance]

If my late 30s self had the chance to pass only one pearl of wisdom to younger generations, it would be to accept who he is. Don't flog the dead horse and stress out trying strategies to make him step up. If he's not trying it's because he's involved with multiple women, only looking for booty call, or has a wife and kids. Accept reality, block, move on. Give yourself peace

[cammerations]

"I don't know if I'm going crazy" - absolutely not. Do not say this. Men are so quick to call us crazy. Don't also call yourself this. It undermines the authenticity of your message. You know you're not crazy. You know he doesn't respect you. He knows you know. Stop pretending - all it does is undermine your overall message and sends the message that you don't believe in yourself. (but I loved everything else in the video and Matthew's perspective is so helpful)

[bkgdnoize]

Cell phones have killed communication... ironic isn't it!!!!

[ABurningCandle]

My strategy is i try to match their effort. At the beginning i will be all in, sending thoughtful texts, asking them about their day etc. if they don’t reciprocate, i stop asking questions and merely react to their responses. My reaction to their responses would get less detailed as time drags on and they refuse change until i would just be sending thumbs up emoji. If they stop responding, fantastic. I gave it a shot

[Anne_W]

I think that guy is or will be texting and talking just fine with the one whom he really wants to invest his energy. She needs to look elsewhere.

[wendysimpson]

Breadcrumbing is seductive to codependants/ trauma sufferers.

[fritahnoor]

To be direct and honest with your needs is the best way

[debra]

I hate the lol after "I don't find the text messages rewarding." She doesn't have to make it funny- it's not. It weakens it.

[emmacarry]

I don't think lots of texting in early dating is productive, it builds false intimacy. Life is busy so I prefer texts that arrange dates, or maybe something that links back to a conversation we had in person. I have no time for Hi, good morning, what are you doing? Have a proper chat, book a date or leave me alone. I am not going to give you attention because you're bored.

[Nikkiijean]

Good video but- Never say you’re going ‘crazy’ - so many narcissists will use that statement against you later and start gaslighting you- you know how you feel so just be direct without fawning

[aurli]

What bothers me in this video is that you are still advising to maintain this text conversation. The guy doesn't seem interested at all, so what's the point in trying to have a relationship with someone who is that little interested in her? Even if they go on, the relationship still won't be balanced, and he will not really commit... Seems to me that she should have more respect for herself (because keeping this "connection" alive is definitely not having respect for herself), and look for someone who is showing her respect as well.

[emgee]

Big truth. Texting, on its own, is NOT A RELATIONSHIP! At best, all it is is is a CONNECTION. NOT A RELATIONSHIP. NO SUBSTANCE. NO REAL INVESTMENT. So, why spend any more time or effort or confusion or dilemma, with merely TEXTING? It's nothing more than words and images, maybe. No real skin in the game. Plus, if you have to work THAT hard for someone's
" interest", working THAT hard is telling you DON'T BOTHER.

[EwkaKonewka-ro]

Kylie Morgan and her song "If he wanted to he would" - that's the answer.

[ParagraphGurr]

Its mind blowing yet enduring that we still believe we are the damsel in a fairy tale in which when they’re not returning texts that its not because they’re not interested, but because they had a series of unfortunate events keeping them from me. I feel good that this video validates what I have done correctly, although it has yielded finding my soulmate BUT what I got was even better, not wasting my time with they very little of it I have in this precious life of mine. I struggle with being direct and “over explaining” because they’ll leverage my need to be transparent as a way to keep me on the bait and when you deal with guys that play those games, you unfortunately don’t find out until it’s too late. I wish you guys the best of luck and hope that everyone finds joy when they’re alone so that we are not dependent on someone else to manufacture it for us! 💋

[ndChanceAtLife]

I HATE texting
It's not real communication.

[Vavavoum-gr]

Someone told me he is the texting type
He doesn’t call cos he’s extremely busy

Ok dude smh

These bare minimum people are engaging multiple women