It's Not About The Nail

"Don't try to fix it. I just need you to listen." Every man has heard these words. And they are the law of the land. No matter what.

[ABY]

Truly hit the nail on the head with that one. Much appreciated.

[SahilJ]

Before you heal someone, ask him if he's willing to give up the things that make him sick - Hippocrates

[obiwanpez]

We have a friend who ALWAYS asks, "solution or sympathy?"

[tomhazelton]

If there's a man out there who doesn't instantly relate to this, then he has never had a wife, a girlfriend, or a female friend.

[grahamesd]

I applaud the actress for allowing the props guy to bang a nail into her head. The things we do for art.

[consultkeithyoung]

This is the most true thing I have seen on the internet.

They nailed it.

[volttherobot]

"…and all my sweaters are snagged... I mean ALL of them" Line kills me EVERY time... HAHAHAHAHA

[jamestoton]

I saw this at a leadership training symposium. It’s lesson has proved WAY more valuable in being married for 36yrs and counting.

[JMGENTERPRISES]

If your partner just wants to talk about things, that's all well and fine. But I have found especially in relationships is that if they don't resolve the problem, it will eventually become your problem. Either financially, emotionally or so on. I just don't want added work or stress in my life because they cannot or refuse to fix an ongoing issue.

[westingtyler]

yeah I had to eventually end a relationship because of stuff like this. i realized my sympathy for the SAME SOLVABLE PROBLEM can only last so long, before it's actually inconsiderate of them to expect me to keep devoting emotional energy to it, when the other person has no real interest in solving the problem. sometimes people seem to get enough dopamine off the validation that they don't feel the need to actually be proactive. in a relationship the stress should come from you two facing the world together, not from the other person's poor judgment. the moment you feel like more of a parent than a partner, it's not gonna work. you also owe it to yourself to not continuously dump energy into an emotional black hole.

[WatchYouUpTo]

"I don't want to feel better, I want everyone around me to hurt as much as me." That's the vibe this gives.

[JacksRifleRacks]

Just so you all know, this video was used in my law enforcement training for crisis management/dealing with a “suspect” or person of interest in crisis as a means of verbal de-escalation. I have shared this same video since being shown it then, because it is real. Active listening skills are remarkably important when resolving someone’s disgruntled emotional state. Sometimes in order for someone to return to homeostasis, it requires empathy and understanding, not to attempt to solve their problem. A fragile emotional state is not the time for that. The time for logic and reason is later, once homeostasis has been achieved. You can’t efficiently fix a problem when you’re in emotional distress. You need to be calmed first before being able to apply reason. (Edit: added “verbal” to de-escalation.)

[Bea]

She wants to be heard but doesn't want her problem fixed. This is fine for as long as she gets headaches and her sweaters get snagged being the only problem. That is her problem and she can choose to fix it or not. What about the moment when the nail poked her husband at the end though? Should he risk his eyes being poked out or should he say: "You can choose to go around with the nail in the head, but I will not come near until I feel safe"? In reality, the nail is not only her problem, but her partners' as well.

Personal problems remain personal until they start affecting others. Then they become shared problems and we all have the right to tend to our own issues and fix them.

[IDadGoodAlot]

Jason, i just wanted you to know that this short has shaped my conversations over the MANY years since release, with people thousands of times. I find myself saying “That.. sounds…… really hard” ALL THE TIME. I have shared it (along with many of you other YouTube vids) and i will continue to share it, cuz it is timeless and perfectly succinct. Thank you.

[luisacarneiro]

I am reading the book "Emotional Agility" and she described this video in one of the chapters. Wow it is perfect!

[TyinAlaska]

He did listen. He showed that by responding with interest and an on point conclusion. She's the one that's not listening.

[Scorpious]

This video changed my marriage.

My wife will let me fix things now... occasionally.

[joedavenport]

I have watched this video a hundred times and shared it many more times than that. This video has single handedly helped me with so many relationships, not just romantic ones. I am a black-and-white "fixer" and to those who are storytellers I appear very cold and unemotional. Using this video has helped me be more emotionally available to everyone.

[connorohare]

in her defense
it's damaging her frontal lobe(controlling her reasoning skills)

[straxacore]

Still accurate over a decade later. Will probably still be like this in a millennia