Social Emotional Reciprocity

Do you or someone you know struggle with small talk and social chit-chat?

Some Autistic people can struggle with this and mostly just find it boring and unnecessary!

This can often be misunderstood by others to mean that they have no interest in people or in being social with them, but this is simply not true.

Watch this video to learn more about social emotional reciprocity and how it can effect autistic people who don't know how to do it.

[CB]

This was very interesting and insightful. I'm glad to hear you talking about this being on a spectrum. I much prefer to talk to people about things I've researched extensively. I tend to gravitate towards people who engage in these conversations and I do feel a great sense of reciprocity in that moment. I start to get stuck when having to talk about feelings or being interested in the other person. I also struggle if my attempt at the conversation is rejected. There's no back up plan. Usually people wonder off at that point and it's a relief! If people are clear and telling a story, I can follow it and respond in a way that's appropriate. But if I'm honest, I have watched hundreds of thousands of youtube videos on psychology, social interactions, how to's etc it doesn't come naturally to me. When therapists ask me how something makes me feel, nothing comes to my mind. It's just completely blank. I like to collect information. I just spent 10hrs researching touring bikes, so the next person I talk to better be interested in bikes 🙃

[UnexpectedAmy]

I struggle with this a lot. The front of my office is all autistic folks, I try to say good morning with a smile, ask how's it going, and get blank stares. It's a disheartening way to start the day.

I understand there's social differences and autistic folk already have to deal with a lot, but since any attempt at conversation gets frustrated, is filled with 'shift responses' back to them, or I get continually interrupted, I don't know what I can do to improve these interactions without getting drained. For some reason it triggers my CPTSD as many of my abusers made me feel just as invisible and not worth knowing. I recognise the intent is sometimes different, but it's difficult nonetheless.

It's important to remember it's just some peoole though, I have many autistic friends that I have fantastic conversations and relationships with :)

I can't imagine how difficult it is for the others to have to find ways to adapt and survive in an NT world.

[uncannyvalley]

I lack in certain areas of social-emotional reciprocity. I don't get the feeling that I am necessarily lacking in an ability to share in an emotionally intelligent conversation. As I experience it, neurotypical people *only* want to be agreed with, and not to be challenged in either their way of thinking or to hear the other person's side be validated if telling you about a situation they're going through. They're fine helping you understand the situation sufficient that you can process it, but rarely appreciate your takeaways that differ from what they wanted you to have. It's not that they want reciprocity of emotions, they specifically want their emotions echoed back to them. They often get upset when their take on a situation is not unquestionably affirmed by all present. *This* is one part of it that I struggle to do; to pacify their often unreasonable position in an anecdote.
This is mischaracterized as unemotional and cold, merely because it might support the emotional aspects of a person who is not present to defend themselves in the situation. Sometimes, the only accepted version of an 'emotionally-intelligent' response is to deal exclusively with the emotions of the person speaking, acting as if the people not present have no worth.