Killua's Journey to Self-Worth

The original video from my main channel was taken down.

[ajgdude]

About the music - I'll post the tracks I used in this whenever I can get around to it. I had the entire list done when I posted it on my main account but.. YouTube decided to take the video down and that list was lost. Sorry about the lack of music tracks, I always make sure to include them but for obvious reasons, this video doesn't have them yet.
EDIT: 8 months after this comment.. I'll get around to posting the songs someday. Hehe.

I appreciate the interactions on here very much, but I won't be answering many comments on this account at all. It's just too much to try to keep up with comments on two accounts, along with the other avenues of contacting my that I provide. If you have questions for me, please direct them to my main channel or any of the social media links I provide on there. Thanks!

[glorioustigereye]

I would give my life to protect Killua’s smile.

[sad-womeninthehouse]

That scene where Killua is crying screaming to palm was one of the most heartbreaking scenes I have seen in anime. Period.

[riss]

i'm torn. i want gon and killua to both get amazing arcs separate from each other. killua definitely deserves a bit of development aside from "gon is important to me". but at the same time their friendship is sort of the center of the entire series. if they don't end up partners again it might be the biggest emotional blow for me personally.

[nicolepownall]

Here’s a plot twist. Killua says that friends don’t need to thank friends because that’s why they’re there, however multiple times throughout the series, Killua thanks Gon. Perhaps he still thinks he’s not really Gon’s friend which gives him reason to thank him, or maybe he puts Gon at such a high value that he thinks, despite their relationship, it’s important for him to continually show his gratitude to Gon?

[dps]

"gon and killua are both wonderful boys" v well said

[leakypeach]

Killua is easily my favorite character in the entire series, his journey is one of the most relatable in the show, at least for me. I can see a lot of myself past and present in him, because of this, his journey is very inspirational and beautiful.

[angelica]

Damn, I miss HxH so much... I’d like the anime to continue..

[ArcLightShock]

I think Illumi genuinely loves Killua, and I think Killua may be the only member of the family he does. Of course, it's a messed up, possessive, pathological love, but no less genuine. Also, I hope Gon and Killua reunite.

[scribblyalex]

I still feel like gon owes killua an apology for all the shit he did to him in the chimera ant arc

[onepiecebiggestfan]

I personally think that the reason Killua didn’t want Gon to know that he healed him is because he didn’t want Gon to feel the same way he did, to feel like he owes everything to him. Killua had so much suffering in this journey realising this, he doesn’t want someone as important to him like Gon to feel that way. As you said, Killua realised that friends don’t need to thank each other, but knowing Gon, he still would. That’s another reason why Killua didn’t tell Gon, meaning that he’s indirectly telling Gon that he realises his self-worth and wants Gon to know not to thank friends either. Gon slightly dipped into the darkness, so he could of also forgotten his self-worth a bit. Nevertheless, great video, I was tearing up like never before.

[beaisgonsbeb]

"and then he meets gon.." i BROKE DOWN after that sentence

[JapanFreak]

Here's hoping that Killua Godspeeds his way out of this copyright strike.

[simnlewis]

I was crying this whole video because I relate to killua so much

[viniciusvyller]

Killua is a special character because he is a extremely sensitive male deuteragonist. He subverts the trope of the badass, moody deuteragonist and reveal himself as a sad, tragic and dramatic character without being wimpy. He accomplishes what many "strong" female character fail to, he is highly realistic and believable. I don't say this because he is my favorite character ever (only Gandalf is better, because Gandalf), but because he is so relatable, any young men who feels disconnected from his family for so many time struggle with relationships and overreact to friendship, going to extremes, His sensitivity is the core of his character, and what makes him an adorable badass.

[rosey]

It such an unfortunate thing when an analysis video of this caliber is taken down by a copyright strike.

I even teared up during it. You have a way with words, good sir.

Another thing during the separation scene that I think shows Killua's progression is actually the "Sorry, but you're number two." line.

I know most people think of it more as Killua showing he still resents Gon for what happened in the Chimera Ant Arc and basically saying that he doesn't care about him anymore, but I personally never took it that way.

For me, it has always been Killua proudly announcing Gon that he found his purpose. As you said, while a large part of the series Killua didn't have a goal in the same sense Gon did, his main motivation was to repay him for that friendship he offered, for ligthing up so many different roads life had laid that he simply missed when stuck in the Zoldycks' shadow.

In this moment, they are finally at the point they talked about on Whale Island. Gon found Ging and Killua found something he wanted to do: protect Alluka, show her the outside world, reconnect with her again.

When I first heard "Sorry, but you are number two", I didn't hear "Sorry, but I simply can't forgive you for the whole Pitou thing. I don't know if we can be friends ever again.", but instead "Sorry I can't travel with you anymore, but I managed to discover what I want to do. I have a purpose now, something I've always envied and admired you for, so staying with you isn't my number one priority anymore."

And the fact that Killua and Gon separate paths at the end shows the former feels confident enough in himself now to realise the latter's appreciation for him and that he doesn't need to dedicate his entire existence to Gon to be a good friend.

Thank you for this video, it's absolutely astounding, like all of your other works and I hope the copyright issue will be resolved soon.

[edenhines]

Killua puts Gon in such a high pedestal that he's willing to endure everything just to not lose him, while Gon is too simple minded to realise just how much Killua did for him and how much he hurted Killua. Their parting may just be the outcome of their poor communication. Hope they can gather their thoughts, meet back up, give each other a warm hug and be partners again, orelse I will seriously get depression.

[u-tone]

I have to say I always thought that killua has naturally been someone with compassion and eager to make connections to others, seeing how he wanted to make friends with Canaria of healing a bird in his childhood of training to kill, and that turns out to be how he finds himself worthy of: be worth of other people (Gon or Alluka/Nanuka, protecting/helping/being with them).

But I have to say in his case to Gon, there's even more to simply finding self value via devoting to a friend(thats a portion of it Just read through how the mangaka portrayed their interactions and the narrative, there's just something from Killua to Gon that's different, far more beyond a "bro" or "best highly possible that Togashi hinted Killua's feelings for Gon as "nearly romantic" (I do not mean in a sexual way or he wants to have intimate skinship, but the way he express it is just....far from fine and dandy bros.)

Killua isn't not worthy of else things. He's got his own skills, and he even starts making his own friends out of Gon, like Ikalugo. He gained self esteem through the progress of the Ant arc, pulling off needles, making friends, developing new techniques.... but he still went back stick to Gon, even prepared to die with him, not even after he made friends with Ikalugo and leaded this little octopus's life in a way similar to how Gon leaded him.
It's not about him not having any self-esteem anymore, but Gon is just....special to him. Even others can see that: Biscuit uses Gon to stimulate him overcome his shortcoming; Ikalugo knew that among all comrade, Killua had some special resaurts making him willing to die along with Gon; Hisoka simply just put that "Gon is the one whom Killua loves the most in this world." In some nearly "romantic" way, Killua wants to near him. He wants to be the closest one to Gon, both physically and mentally, and sometimes doesn't want others to join the special little circle of "us". He also wants Gon to count on him, as if he's a natural part of him, a limb of his to serve, under any situation. He wants to be THAT close to him, without boundaries.
But Gon refused, and that caused Killua pain. In GI and CA we can see Gon somehow accepted the ideal of "Killua is counted as part of me, I can use him and destroy him as how I usually do to myself." He let Killua causaully came near inside his personal boundary twice whenever he was under a bloodlust to attack, allow him to console him or knocked him out, and he didn't hesitate to harm Killua's hands in the dodge ball game, as if they were of his own-- Killua likes that, not only it means he was a help to his best friend, but that means Gon counted him into that personal little circle of intimacy, that they were "together and connected".
But fighting Pitou showed Gon's self-centered nature, that there's still a limit to their intimacy, that he thought Kite's grudge was his responsibility and his alone, that does not naturally counts Killua in. Killua can help him with it, but could not share it. In this matter Killua no longer can have a part in Gon's personal circle-- Gon didn't tell him "we'll fight Pitou together", even clearly addressed that "because this(Kite's grudge) has nothing to do with you". But Killua DOES want to share--he wants to be TOGETHER even in this, and he eagers Gon desires this from himself. But no, Gon "took on this alone", and Killua could go no way further.

Gon allows this extent of closeness to their friendship, but Killua wants more, way more closer....that his attachment is almost like an one-sided crush(and I'm not surprised if Togashi actually did do it on purpose), and it's only on Gon: Killua never showed same level of emotional needs it dependency on Kurapika or leorio, or that attachment to Ikalugo, maybe not even his family outside of Alluka and Nanika. Gon is special to him, and he's aware (after Ant arc in the hospital) that he's being throwing tantrums for asking too much from their friendship, that he shouldn't be so upset if Gon doesn't want him join him in everything-- I guess that's the moment he found him sinking too much into his deep affection of Gon, and tried to move on a little bit by putting more belif in himself and act more independently.

And through interactions with Alluka, he's found himself capable to find console from others, able to have more and healthier bonds and relations in his life, making him decided to part from Gon and make his own adventures. No matter platonic or romantic, his feelings are slightly different from Gon's and making their relationship unbalanced. Killua has to learn to let go of him, not making his attachment of his best friend being harmful to himself, then finally make their relationship a healthy one.

[moanajohnson]

i just finished hunterxhunter and watching this just made me cry even more. Killua's story is so heartbreaking but the way this anime just depicts how he grows is just wonderful and amazing. killua will always me my favorite character and his journey with Gon and finding out who he is and what he is worth just brings tears to my eyes (P.S - my nickname for him was kilogram)

[SabakunoAkane]

"Because as wonderful as Gon is, Killua is just as much so." ... and I just burst into tears, thank you for this video, it was helpful, very helpful, to understand Killua and a little bit of myself.