Sibling Dynamics: How Brothers and Sisters Affect Each Other

Most people have a sibling — in fact, children in the U.S. today are more likely to grow up with a brother or sister than with a father. While a lot of social scientists research the impact of schools and parenting, little attention is given to a relationship that might be even more consequential. To understand just how important our relationship with our siblings are, let’s remind ourselves of the tragic story of the two most famous brothers in Western history.

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COLLABORATORS
Script: Jonas Koblin
Artist: Pascal Gaggelli
Voice: Matt Abbott
Coloring: Nalin
Editing: Peera Lertsukittipongsa
Production: Selina Bador, Morgan Lizop
Fact-checking: Ludovico Saint Amour di Chanaz
Proofreading: Susan
Sound Design: Miguel Ojeda

SOUNDTRACKS
Toys Are Alive - Studio Le Bus
Nice Toys - Studio Le Bus
Terror Avenue - Jace Pierce

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Adler's research mostly resisted the test of time with modern science techniques showing that his theories were quite accurate. The main one being that order of birth impacts the most children's personalities. This interacts also with gender. One huge limitation of adlerian theories was that he performed his research only on caucasian english and north american children which means that his research could not be generalized to other ethnicities and populations and cultures. However recent research is trying to do this and apparently although the effects are slightly different across cultures there is always a difference in behavior that is correlated with order of birth. Read more about Adler's Research

SOURCES

Birth order - an overview based on big population data

CLASSROOM EXERCISE
Get your students to research famous people and find out what happened to their siblings. What were their lives like? And which one would your students rather be? How would your students feel if they had a famous sibling?

CHAPTERS
00:00 Intro to siblings dynamics
00:40 The first famous brothers
02:41 Adler’s theory
03:54 6 Facts of siblings
05:51 Adler’s advice
06:14 Sprouts Avatar
06:23 Patrons’ credit
06:32 Ending

[lisawei]

I love how the middle child is just completely ignored, even in this video :)

[donyab.e]

Sibling abuse is probably the most underrated issue in almost all societies. When a spouse is abusive, you can leave him/her. When a parent is abusive, in most countries you can contact child line and they will usually do something about it. But, when a sibling is abusive, no body takes you seriously and there's basically nothing you can do! Your parents do anything within their power to hide or normalize the horrible things that are happening to you and tag it as "normal sibling rivalry" because they have no other options! They have more than one kid, they love all of them and they have to raise all of them! In fact, a sibling can even get away with murdering you simply because he/she is too young to answer for it!

[jeankristein]

Siblings are happier? Social skills?
Depending what kind of sibling you get

[CosmoviZionn]

Interesting how the video shows a "modernized" version of Cain and Abel. Certainly, their gift to the Father revealed what was in their own hearts. Their attitudes. For me, It was liberating to discover why I was jealous to my younger sister, it's simple, attention became divided when she was born. I wish I could go back in time and be a better brother towards her. I have asked her for forgiveness a few times. Thankfully, today (30 years later) that we're both grown up, our relationship is loving and better. Unfortunately, parents aren't usually aware of the sibling dynamics. Parents should be aware of this, get to know their children's personality, and lead them. Many thanks for this great lesson!

[milla]

From what I know, my sister did not feel much jealousy when I came around. Quite on the contrary, she was excited to have a little sibling! We're 8 years apart, and recently I found this picture of my sister with a big wide smile while holding little newborn me. I never knew that picture existed before that and I teared up when I saw it, now I keep it in my wallet at all times and show it to anyone who's willing to see it. My sister moved abroad around 6 years ago and I haven't seen her in 3, we miss each other terribly but hopefully we'll be able to see each other soon! I feel like our relationship's only gotten better with time, despite the distance. Man, I love my sis so much, she's the best!

[lulu]

I have a brother 5 years older than me who has been verbally bullying me ever since when we were kids (he basically laughs at my appearance and says how weird and not normal I am). Now I’m in my 30s and am really happy-I’ve got degrees and my dream job; I have a beautiful wife and son, and I spend a lot of time with them everyday.
The last time I saw him was 3 years ago when he told me that I’m ugly. I see why he acts like that and I even feel pity for him not being able to change even today. But at the same time, I still sometimes feel a sense of inferiority towards “normal people” and shame on myself for nothing.

[NikkieN]

My parents left me all the time alone with my siblings. They bullied me constantly and i ended up trying to commit suicide at a young age. I told me mother about it years later and she thought was horrified. She had no idea, siblings aren't a substitute for parental supervision.

[PichuElric]

I remember a friend of my older sister who wanted her research to be about how older siblings have it the best (she's a younger sibling) but after getting her results from a pool of nearly 50 people (I was one of them) and an abundance of proof for the opposite, she changed her research title to reflect how younger ones benefit the most XD

[Segen_Bell]

Reading the comments is making me so sad. I'd rather die than scar my younger sister emotionally and physically. This line is what describes my relationship with my sister, "I love my sister more than anything in this life, I will choose her happiness over mine". We are only a year apart and I love her very much. I'd do anything for her.

[devilstattoo]

We are 5 siblings. There was no jealousy between any of us. Jealousy differs from parent to parent.

[onebrowngirl]

My parents have verbally confirmed that they love my younger brother more than they love me. And they have justified this by pointing out that my brother is still a child (he's 17), is more empathetic and is more comfortable with open and physical affection, without any consideration as to why I have grown up to be more closed off. I've been my mothers verbal punching bag for years, the one tasked with fulfilling all of my parents academic expectations and its been hard not to let all these years of resentment towards my parents spill over into my interactions with my brother. I don't think its working. Unfortunately, financial and cultural restraints mean I haven't been able to move out yet to limit any trauma my actions might cause for my brother. I don't know what to do anymore.

A point about developing social skills - I think while children with siblings develop better social skills with their peers, children without siblings develop a better relationship with/understanding of authority. As an only child, I was always so much better around adults, eg teachers, everyone in position of power, but was much worse off when it came to developing friendships with people of my own age.

[khadishab]

I'm the last born but there was a huge age gap between myself and my brothers and I am considered a functional first child. I was showered with attention by everyone including my siblings but because of the age gap my brothers were already adults during my childhood. As a result I was socialized as an only child. I am more responsible and successful than my second and third brothers because I was more independent and there were much greater expectations of me.

[ayo]

I'm 18 and just last month I realized my sister (we are twins) has been bullying me for the past 15 years of my life. Every single person would catalogue her agression towards me as "a simple siblings game" but it's FAR from that. Her behavior towards me has affected my entire life: I'm socially anxious, have anger issues (I'm making a lot of progress on this), have low self-esteem and I lack motivation doing extremely simple tasks. I would love to see this problem get attention, because I know I'm not the only one with issues like this.

[lazarusunkwon]

I do not know what my mother did, but I love my little siblings a lot. I would do anything in my power for them to be happy and well. Honestly, I thought that was the norm amongst siblings around the world. How ignorant one can be?

[SfromWisconsin]

I disagree with younger children feeling they "have less to prove." It's actually the opposite. They constantly have to prove that they are old enough and good enough. Their fists aren't as big of a deal because they are not firsts for the parents. So there is a need to do everything better than the oldest child in order to get recognition. For the older siblings, the milestone itself is enough. Also, if the older child was allowed to do something too young age and it didn't work out, no matter how responsible the younger sibling is, they aren't allowed to do it either.

[alaskawoolf]

My older brother kept bullying me while we grew up, and my whole family was like "that's perfectly normal" and "you'll get along better when you grow up". My parents always seemed to favour him. There was a lot of resentment.
In the end, as adults, my parents told me they let him get away with all he did because he "needed more attention".
He's a better person now, but I don't feel comfortable around him and don't want to ever live in the same house again. There's barely a relationship.

[everythingsfinett]

I feel like seeing your sibling being favoured and treated better than you really effects children a lot. For example my mother always treated my brother better even tho he was a troublemaker and even when he bullied me as a child he still got away with it… he’s almost 10 years older. With a sibling you find out that life isn’t fair early on lol

[KuramiRocket]

I have three older half siblings and I love them all very much. Somtimes we fight and get mad each other as in all interpersonal relationships, but when it comes down to it: when it really counts we have each other's back. My mother raised us and ingrained into us that we're siblings and we should always love and be there for each other. And we have been despite any and all family dysfunction. I'm the youngest btw. I truly love my family very much ♥️

[tieppham]

Since I read most of the comments, every family has nearly the same story as conflicts and misunderstandings among siblings have been always existed, so I've realised how education important is. This is to say, in the video's context, parental guidance plays a key role in harmonising the relationship of their children,