Advice For Handling Tantrums? #tantrums #tantrum

Welcome to Bratbusters. I’m Lisa Bunnage, and I love sharing what I’ve learned from decades of working with children.

If you’re a parent who wants to get mutual respect with your children, and learn how to become a calm leader, this is the place for you.

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I am a Parenting Coach and a Mom. I am not a licensed psychologist or counselor. My services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Coaching is in no way to be construed or substituted as psychological counseling or any other type of therapy or medical advice.

[Siddy.aivlis]

I do this with my 1 year old. When he was a baby baby i would always comfort him but once i noticed that hed start fake crying i started ignoring him. Hes gotten better for asking for things and not always getting it. Now if i could only train my mom not to go comfort him and "hitting mommy for being mean" thatd be perfect.

[KathyM-os]

I've heard some of these comments from my 35 year old daughter regarding her childhood since she married a narcissist 20 years+ her age.
Oh, thank you for these comments. "You don't have to validate every single thought and feeling the child has. As a matter of fact, it's good to let some of this stuff go." ❤❤❤

[Treesinus]

Im struggling with this.. because i see families whos children feel in control because of consistency and Routines.. they feel secure and respond rather then react.. Ignoring a behavior seems like Social condtioning that says .. i Will pay attention to you when you act like i want you to.. or I will allow you big feelings.. you do it my way….

I saw some distract out of a behavior and im nlt sure thats right. Cuz rather then Ignore their big feelings .. we should allow thrm to have them and Recognize how we feel that way and wosh we could just let it out….

So igornig it isnt great..
distracking it.. seems to detour rather then experience….

But when does sone behaviors in a tantrum become “wrong” .. the three year old is watch began kicking and flailing her legs.. i grabbed her legs to stop her.. but then i thought .. that cant be right.. so i then tried Redirecting her attention to “if you dont stop screaming at me.. im gonna go put ur binki away” like a threat to remove her security item.. was t really trying tk “threaten” more so just mention the word binki to change her mind for a blip to get her to hear me through the yelling tantrum..

Fees like you cant let thrm have what they want or are screaming for.. because thrn they think thats the way to get what they want.. Want to help her coregulate by deep breaths but she wouldnt engage with that..

Validated her feelings being big and upsetting but she wasnt inna place to listen to that..

Tried my hand over her mouth for a brief monent to get her to hear me.. nope still screamed. It was when i left the room she stopped. But i felt bad cuz its leaving her to deal with that by herself and again reinforces act as i demand or i abandon you or condtion you to do things my way.. while im cold and distantly Uncaring to how ur expressing yourself ..
after the tantrum She gave me a hug.. i told her i know shes mad but we dont like to be yelled at. So Thats not the way to get what she wants…

feel like all this gets better as developmental years pass through consistency and routine.. that helps children to be and feel adults around them are capable and Big enough to take on theor fit.. listening and going through it with them .. i hate to be alone when im mad.. i cant imagine a kid Wanting to be alone or ignored for their tantrums.

Feel like kids woth more words and better verbal skills do this less and Kids with less verbsl skills who are really smart do this more….

[alit]

Hi new to your channel and finding very useful information. I'm just wondering with tantrums and meltdowns what do you do if they kick the walls? My 4almost 5 and 3 year old when upset kick the walls and I can't ignore that. I try to take them away from the wall and everytime they go back. It's a big issue in our house. Tia