Extreme Toddler Tantrums - What's Normal? What's not?

This video is about "What are NOT Typical Toddler Tantrums?"

"Kids vary in their temperament and in their responses to frustrating experiences. Temper tantrums are a typical phase of development for most children and are often exacerbated when children are tired, hungry, and disappointed. Tantrums are likely related to children’s struggle to express themselves and their need to assert control over their environment. Fortunately, most children’s tantrums begin to subside in intensity and frequency by 3 years of age, when their language skills enable them to express their needs and wants, and their capacity for self-regulation has grown.

-- Temper tantrums might be cause for concern when –

~Child has more than 10 to 20 discrete tantrum episodes on separate days at home during a 30-day period.
~Child has more than five tantrums a day on multiple days while at school or outside of home/ school during a 30-day period.
~Tantrums regularly last longer than 25 minutes on average
~Child is unable to calm himself/herself (., frequently requires assistance from a caregiver) and shows very limited capacity for self-regulation regardless of tantrum intensity, frequency, or context.
~During tantrum, child consistently shows aggression (e.g., hitting, kicking, biting, spitting or throwing directed toward a caregiver or an object).
~Child attempts to hurt himself/herself (e.g., head-banging, scratching or hitting himself/herself) during tantrums.
~Tantrums are accompanied by other atypical behaviors, such as self-stimulating behaviors that may not be injurious, atypical social responses, or aspects of mood that seem unusual to the situation.
~Tantrums seem exaggerated (i.e., child has strong reaction to seemingly minor events or changes in routine) or without clear pattern or trigger (e.g., when the child is hungry or tired).
~The presence of these signs does not necessarily suggest an ASD or even pathology. It does suggest that the child may warrant evaluation and further discussion, and possibly screening for behavior and developmental challenges is indicated."

Suggested Citation: Harstad L. Baum C, Yatchmink Y. Temper Tantrums. Developed for the Autism Case Training: A Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrics Curriculum. 2013.

🙋‍♀️ Hi! I’m Kayla (Chalko) Gonzales, a licensed speech-language pathologist in California specializing in early intervention for toddlers with speech delays.

👉🏻 Want to advance your child’s language skills?

Disclaimer: I’m a licensed speech-language pathologist in California. These videos are meant for general education. Every child is different; this should not be taken as medical advice. Please consult with a professional in your area.

[bossman]

I think this is completely inaccurate and you are going to give parents complexes over their children’s behaviour. Defining normal and abnormal tantrums is completely subjective, and anecdotal… this is absurd. You’ve got parents in your comments thinking their children have ADHD!!!! this is unacceptable.

[joanwalden]

Tantrums are usually a lack of ability to express emotions of fear frustration and anger.
Parents should put their phones away, focus on and engage with their children build trust and Listen to your children they'll soon reveal what they are struggling with
Being ignored while parents are glued to their phones is very sad

[staceybuchko]

10-20 in a 30 day time span is not normal? Ma’am my daughter has 10-20 tantrums in a 30 minute time span. 🙃 EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. 😪

[theresa]

My son takes many tantrums in a day. They're usually short but intense. I get anxiety taking him out. He's a very stubborn, difficult child. He's great when he's not upset, but when he is, it's over. Kicking, throwing himself on the floor, screaming bloody murder, sometimes over something really small. I have a feeling he has a defiance disorder or ADHD, but I'll only really know when he's 3 or over. At which point I'll seek help. Very exhausting and discouraging, especially with Covid laws... No visitors are allowed, and it's hard to get a babysitter because of Covid. Rough times being a parent. I never thought I'd have to deal with this level of hardship raising my kids.

[IrieLC]

To all the Mums/Dads watching this video please take into account age when it comes to tantrums/behaviours. A child can be referred to a toddler typically from the age of 1 and Its completely scientifically normal for a child under the age of 2 to not be able to regulate their emotions and have tantrums that do need adult intervention/help/guidance.
Every child is different and there are alot of factors that may contribute to each childs behaviour, development and progression. Environmental factors, Genetic factors, Cultural factors, Ethnicity factors etc. Also some factors that are out of your control like medical conditions. The list is long.
Don’t jump to conclusions snd feel defeated when this lady says “Not typical”. I know she means well but like I said every child is different and there are so many other factors to consider and “Not Typical” does not mean you should be worried. I have a child who showed alot of these “Not Typical” behaviours she explained in this video and to me they are all completely normal behaviours for a child who is overstimulated and can’t regulate their emotions. This video can be very misleading to alot of parents.

[pmphoto]

This is the type of video why its crucial YouTube brings back the dislike count. Ridiculous.

[ToyaRoa]

my child is 18 months, and his speech is very good. Alot better then other kids his age. But he still has alot of tantrums. He is always talking back, got attitude, and will on purpose do the opposite of what I ask. I dont know where all this attitude comes from. He is the youngest of 4 kids, he has 3 older sisters aged 12, 11, and 10 years old so he is spoit and gets lots of attention. he is super bossy, likes to scream and cry when he doesnt get his way and hits. He is very clever for his age and has a big vocabulary for his age. arggg just so frustrating with his attitude and tantrums.

[GetMeThere]

I'm 68 (and well, lol). My mom always told me I had "tantrums" as a toddler -- which arose when I was unable to do something that I was trying to do like, say, climb onto an object but finding myself physically unable to do it. My tantrum was FAINTING, however -- I would pass out cold, in frustration, lol. She didn't know WHAT this was, and took me to a pediatrician, thinking I had some serious neurological thing going on. The doctor said it was a "temper tantrum" and she STILL didn't believe it -- but finally did when they doctor showed her in his textbook that a tantrum could involve fainting. I soon got over them. I never remember having such a thing.

[FeraleHubbard]

My son is very articulate. Very intelligent. Was speaking better than every other child his age in his daycare. He has been very aggressive since he was a toddler. Biting, hitting. His father and I are not aggressive. His brother is not aggressive. He is not autistic. He is now 5 and still throws daily tantrums. Any advice?

[thesoulwandererproject]

My twins tantrum about 20 times a day each. Literaly anything will send them into a tantrum and nothing will work. Tried distracting, negotiating, punishing, explaining, rewarding..nothing works, i'm at the end of the rope with this..

[chrisoliveras]

Yay chimpanzee you are not going to school on March 31st

[PhiCorona]

Just found this video while my toddler is having a meltdown lol apparently he fits ur descriptions 😭 ty for this info 👏🏽

[LucidBunnyTarot]

This is not true. My toddler had 0 tantrums at 2. And at 3 started

[Preppybrynbryn]

I’m still a teen myself but one of my best friends has a 4 year old sister who I’m concerned for. She has around 10 tantrums in A DAY. She hits, kicks, bites, scratches over the smallest things. Shes gone as far as breaking braces brackets, biting though skin, and trying to kill my friends and I. I’m over there a ton, does anyone have tips on how to deal with her?

[chrisoliveras]

Right everyone different because chimpanzee hurted just for 3 hours and Eddie is gonna hurt when he is 20 and it will stop hurting when he is 75 but Eddie thing hurted even more on Jan 10

[chrisoliveras]

Oh so that means chimpanzee is not going to school on April

[joshuarock]

My niece get angry with such small and as a new parent out of
No where I find this Soo important

[abuber]

What's the difference between a tantrum and a "normal" toddler upset episode? Thank you ahead of time! :-)

[breannapiscitelli]

So this is actually something that I knew would most likely come up as a problem.

Growing up, I actually had pretty severe tantrums, but they never really went away. I just learned to kinda hide my feelings more.

Turns out, I most likely have autism and that’s why my tantrums were so severe as a child

For a while, I thought we were in the clear with my daughter, but after she had like 13 months, we really started noticing some strange changes.

Like she was very advanced, but then all of a sudden she just stopped being advanced, especially with her motor skills. She was able to crawl by six months and stand up on things by eight.


After that, she didn’t take any steps or anything for like another four or five months until she was in the middle of 15 months.

She’s always been kind of solitary, but I was kind of taking it to the extreme in the past two months where she will throw tantrums if I try to even play with her. I try to let her do her own thing because I was like that, as well as a Child basicallyw I’m pretty sure she is very similar to me and my also have autism.

She is only 16 months, but she just started throwing tantrums and they are very intense and she hit her head on the floor in tries to hurt herself.

It absolutely breaks my heart, because I did the same thing as a child and my mom told me that I was always just very over exaggerating as a child.

The other issue is we are female so whenever I bring up that I either I might have autism or that she does everyone immediately shuts us down because neither of us were ever delayed in language skills.

My language skills started getting really severe and bad around when I went to school. I never really got the concept of grammar in the English language as well as spelling.

I don’t really know where to go from here. She has a visit on her 18 months but I don’t want to sound like a crazy Mom.

I’m pretty convinced just because there’s always been this burning feeling in me going up to that something was off. I actually talk to my family doctor and he agreed and he’s referring me finally after almost 30 years.

Right now my daughter sees a pediatrician, but my family doctor has also said that he would take on her care if they didn’t listen to me, but my issue is I also suffer from pretty bad anxiety, and I get very terrified to ask any of these questions.

I knew that her tantrums weren’t normal because a lot of times when you give her the thing that she wants she does not come down at all, and she just does not know how to calm herself down. It breaks my heart because I haven’t learned how to do that yet for myself either and I just want to help her so bad.

[salmanisaurr]

I'm very glad hear it. If the tantrum is still in the normal category, does it have to be dealt with immediately or let it quiet down by itself?