The Madonna/Whore Complex

Madonna/Whore Complex

Buy my book, "The Value of Others"

Book a paid consultation:

Social Media

Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:

Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #relationship #psychacks

[Khan-rzqi]

Fellas, the only way to get rid of the Madonna complex is to start viewing women more realistically. You're only afraid of fully getting "nasty" with her because you view her as a potential "wife" or mother of your children. Why can't she be both? She can be the nastiest version of herself with you while also being a great partner/mother. You can "respect" her outside and also be very "disrespectful" in the bedroom. These 2 women don't have to be separated.💯

[christianvega]

He's confusing his theory with the "She got fat & stopped giving it to me." Scenario.

[monikasolymos]

My husband said, it was not true to him. He felt more masculine energy after giving children to the woman he loved. I felt it too.
But it is true that men, raised in very rigid religious families, can have problems with sexuality. It took him years to overcome all guilt and shame he felt, even when I was already his wife. It surprised me. Rigid parents can really mess up their children's brains. The catholic church with it's hypocrisity is largely guilty for that.

[latinaalma]

I have been a professor of clinical psychology since 1979! Sexual behavior was my specialty...I taught at universites and at a medical school. He is SO WRONG in his perception of this phenomenon. He is TRIGERRING those of you who HAVE this mindset. Now whether he is doing it intentionally for hits or other monetary reasons, or whether he is doing it because he SHARES THE SAME COMPLEX, I cannot tell. But I am here to tell you he is dead WRONG. Love of the mind, emotions and body of another should be a GOAL because it is the most serene pleasure a human being can have. Feeling great pleasure when we GIVE great pleasure and sexual satisfaction to someone we genuinely love, is a beautiful experience. It is what women want and it is what many men want as well, especially psychologically HEALTHY men. And of course this applies to same sex partners TOO. But this is a discussion of men and women.

Both genders have disgust response than men as documented in the literature...we humans are born with them.If your disgust reaction is too high you need to work on that if it impacts your sex life eg if you cannot enjoy passion without triggering your disgust response LATER. This is treatable psychological condition and he should KNOW that, if he received good training. I am saddened by his approach here condoning a MALADY as somethIng DESIRABLE...ie disgust with passionant sex with the person we love MOST on earth.

I would have FAILED him in my Human Sexual Behavior graduate class for clinging to such an outdated, unhealthy idea. In fact in sex therapy it is the very GOAL we are after!!!!

I think perhaps he is being disingenuous, i.e. having us on, toying with us here and will later amplify his opinion and say exactly what I have said here.
I certainly HOPE so because I would hate to think of a therapist's sex and emotiinal life who harbors such opinions.

Now he IS correct in his decription of the complex and yes it IS "a thing". Since time began men have feared being engulfed by women via their sexuality. Especially since women have no refractory period and can have multiple orgasms without rest and recuperaration as men REQUIRE. The period lengthens as a man ages. NOT so with women. In fact, with the right partner, in a loving trusting relationship, a woman can be far more multiorgasmic AFTER menopause, than before it. This is because estrogen levels drop and her testosterone is "unmasked" ie is not overpowered by her former estrogen levels. I know this, not only from the litereature, the research, but from personal experience ....very happily. Some insecure men find such ability in a woman offputting fearing she will stray...the number one fear of all men anyway strayibg by the woman so that the man cannot be certain of WHO sired her children.

Art, literature, mythology of the all consuming woman, devouring woman in Indian cosmology, is such a common trope in all cultures...Woman is life giving and she is a destroyer of men (ie the certainty that a man's child is actually his own)....all cultures warn men of this, art, literature in any culture...Eve in the Garden of Eden tempting Man with knowledge causing Man's fall from God's grace.... AND we see here in comments the misogyny and fear in the names of posters from certain cultures that ascribe FIRMLY to woman as temptress and destroyer of man's "purity" and dedicated to THEIR concept of god. Catholicism too reveres Madonna as life giver to Christ but Mary Magdelen was a sinner redeemed only by Christ for her wontonness....it is the most powerul trop mankind has had for millenia..".bad woman tempting and betraying good men".

Interesting discussion though....I recommend a remedial grad course in Human Sexuality for Dr. Taraban. Because if he actually believes what he says here, he is in for a rough time personally in his life and he will miss out on life's greatest pleasure: the lifetime BONDING of a man and a woman as emotional, philosophical, and physically passionate partners. There IS no greater joy here on earth...the beyond I will leave to the Theologians and believers of the various world religions to discuss. PhD Professor of Clinical Psychology since 1979

[Cakez]

Thank God my husband doesn't act like this. I'm doing pulling laundry out the dryer or scrubbing a bathtub and he can't resist the urge to grab something while I'm bent over 😂🤦🏽‍♀️ "Not in front of the kids!!"

[elsa_nyc]

I think most men have no problem with that at all. Perhaps men raised to think that $ex is bad (some religious sects), but most men have no problems, from my experience.

[khusseinkhomeini]

This is absolutely a thing. The struggle to respect someone as a partner and an equal while doing degrading or nasty stuff to them is all too real.

We often talk about how women's logic seems out of place, well clearly men can be illogical as well.

[charthers]

How can anyone view women these days as a Madonna is beyond me

[SurprisingLee]

When you make a video to talk about this subject, please make sure to also discuss the Electra Casanova Complex too.

[The_savvy_Lynx]

Usually agreeing with your videos. Not this time. I respect and love my wife, but in the bedroom she is my little slave girl and we do it a lot. I was scared that I might lose my drive for her when she got pregnant, because I was always disgusted by baby bellies. Not with her though, nothing changed really. I mean it can still hold true for a lot of other men, but I wouldn't be able to comprehend why.

[wayfaringman]

Oh, I thought this video was about the singer's empire. I'll have to go somewhere else for that one.

[vettie]

This is also why a lot of guys get friendzoned. It is pretty much the exact same thing actually now that I think about it.

[flemutter]

Thank God. I thought I was broken. It’s super hard to “b*ang!” Someone you are in love-mode with. I often had to turn a switch.

[supratikghanti]

Fuck, all these years and I thought I was the only one experiencing this 😂

[Joe-nxnj]

This is what i felt after our child.... we are no longer together

[Leoo]

I've heard people have the problems you are talking about, but not for the reasons you say. It generally has to do with an insecurity of some kind. Or something that has changed in the man's mindset for whatever reason. But the result of the issue can't be solely because of loving his wife. Perhaps if he has developed some type of fear or insecurity centered around the woman he loves. Sometimes, it could be an issue of being overwhelmed by something going on with him. That can easily play a part in losing sexual desire because there is no room in his mind for it.

So maybe something centered around the fact that he loves her. Not simply because he loves her.

Also, it's possible to respect a woman while at the same time communicating your romantic and sexual interest. It's only disrespectful if you say things too extreme without knowing her well or if you come on too strong before she is ready or if you get upset when being turned down like a child. You just have to be socially aware and not just say anything at any time.

[reneehecker]

Perhaps this is a result of porn being so prevalent and not what’s supposed to be normal. My husband completely loved and respected me as the mother of our 12 children within sex as well as within daily routine. It’s called “making love” for a reason. (He was tragically killed in an accident in 2020, but I know if he were here he’d say because I was the mother of his children it drew him to me sexually.)

[monicafisher]

You made a statement but (in this short video at least) you did not provide evidence for it. The statement was essentially that sex is not compatible with love and respect (my way of putting it does not require the use of asterisks as in f***).

Now I think this is a common idea but I don't really understand where it comes from, unless it comes from the (not uncommon) notion that sex is animalistic and therefore degrading. The Catholic Church appears to agree with this. The Church refers to Mary as "ever Virgin." They also call her the "Queen of all Saints" (her husband Joseph is "merely" a saint). They appear to place Mary far above Joseph - in fact they seem to come very close to actually worshipping her, and to say that she was only "married" to Joseph to protect her from being accused of adultery or fornication. That's not a true family relationship.
So is sex really evil? Is it REALLY true that a man can't have sex with a woman that he loves and respects? Or that it's "hard" to do that? I maintain that's flat-out false. Doctor Taraban, I look forward to your further elaboration. Please give me something to refute - because sorry, you're very smart but I think you're wrong in this case.

[PurpleGold.]

I’ve heard of the Madonna/mother complex decades ago but the way he put it is twisted thinking. And most likely projection of his own weirdness and kinks that he needs to come to terms with.

Men who are in touch with themselves and in healthy relationships can bond and do so effortlessly however that may look like.

[MaverickMonad]

Doctor, might this be a side-effect of left over and unresolved guilt for the oedopis complex boys may have felt for their mothers?