🤣FUNNY JOKES! - A guy walks into a biker bar and asks, 'Does anyone here own that rottweiler...

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🤣JOKES COMPILATION! - Funny Daily Jokes! | BEST JOKES OF THE DAY! #11
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A long haul truck driver goes into a truck stop sits on a stool, and orders lunch. There 7 or 8 rowdy bikers seated at tables behind him, drinking beer. They begin to mock him, curse him, insult his mother and heap all manner of verbal abuse on him. He just ignores them and eventually pays for his meal and leaves. One of the bikers says to the waitress, "Hey miss, that guy wasn't much of a man, was he?" She replies, "Maybe, but he wasn't much of a truck driver either, he just ran over all of your bikes."

donblosser

The US Army figures out they have way too many officers and senior enlisted men, so they came up with an incentive program to get them to take early retirement. The incentive program was, any officer or senior enlisted man could pick any two points on his body, and the Army would pay him $1000 for every inch of the distance between the two points. The first soldier to take the incentive was an officer who picked from the tip of his toe while he was standing, to the top of his head, which was 72 inches, so he got $72, 000 when he signed the retirement papers. The second guy, also an officer, picked from the tip of his toe to the tip of his finger when his arm was pointed straight up, which turned out to be 133inches. So he got $133, 000 when he signed his papers. The third guy, an old Master Sargeant said he wanted them to measure from the top of his penis to his testicles. The officer managing the incentive program said the old Sargeant should pick two other point, and he would get more money, but the Sargeant said the sign says any two points on my body! So the office got a ruler and told the Sarge to drop his pants, and pull down his shorts. When the Sargeant did that, the officer leaned over holding the ruler, and said My God! Where are your testicles??? The Sargeant replied, "In Viet Nam!"

damnhandy

As a senior citizen, I live on a tight budget. There have been times when I had to substitute tuna cat food for tuna packaged for people. It's really not all that bad. I had to quit, though. I was chasing a bird, fell out of a tree, and broke my arm.

ronnichols

A blind man walked into a bar sat down and asked if anyone wanted to hear a blonde joke. The bar tender said, before you tell the joke I think you should know that I'm a blonde, the other bar tender is a blonde, the bouncer is a blond and two other customers are blondes! Now, do you still want to tell that joke? The blind man said, well no, not if I have to explain it 5 times!!

damoon

This is the best joke you’ve ever heard :
There was a shy farmer who lived close to one of the most beautiful and sexiest girl you’ve ever seen .
This farmer never had the courage to talk to her, just a hello once in a while .
One day there was a knock on his door and he opened and it was hat girl wearing a very sexy and revealing clothes .
The girl gave a nice hello and then hugged him and she said, I hear someone is coming why don’t we go inside ?
She comes in and asks the farmer “ which part of my body impresses you the most ?”
The farmer said “ your ears .”
The girls said “ I work out 5 days a week to have this body and my ears impress you? Why?”
The farmer said “ remember we were hugging and you said let’s go In because you heard someone coming ?”
She said yes.
He said “ it was me .” 😅

drunkbee

The officer asked do you have a legitimate reason for owning all those knives ?and the man responds "yes I do it's called Freedom, now piss off."

josephreagan

Hemmorhoids should be called Assteroids 😂

nala

A man walks in to a bar and says to the bartender line me up ten double whiskys. He then proceeds to drink each one. He says to the bartender this is absolutely awful, i shoudnt be doing this with what ive got. The bartender says why what have you got? The man says nothing im broke.

scottb

It is amazing how much you can learn from YouTube. Such as the power of comedic timing.

deanfowlkes

A guy goes into a bar for a shot and a beer. He notices a jar full of $100 bills and ask the bartender, "What gives?" The bartender explains, "You put in a $100, then go out back. My rottweiler is out there with a bad tooth. You go out and pull that dog's tooth. He's mean, so be careful! Then you go upstairs and you please my mother who hasn't had a man in 40 years. You complete these two tasks and you win the jar. "Nah, nevermind, " says the guy... After several more shots and beers he finally caves and says, "Ok, I'm in!" (tossing his $100 in the jar). He goes out back, and you hear the sounds of Grrrr! Ruff, Yip! Yipe, ! Yipe! A moment later the guy, all scratched up and bleeding comes in and says, "Ok, now where's that old lady with the bad tooth?"

CTLanni

Two nuns were driving down a country road when they ran out of petrol .
There was a farm house nearby so decided to ask if they could have some.
The farmer's wife said her husband is out in the field but all l have to put it in is a chamber pot.
As they were carrying it to their car the farmer happened to see them and said, "l admire your faith sisters but it won't work ."

merleboyd

A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt and says one for me and one for the road.

heatherweir

Omg 🤦🏻‍♀️ I got a laugh out of each one 😂😂🤦🏻‍♀️

lynnetrathen

I've definitely got to give you the goat one!

pierremainstone-mitchell

Two guys were at the wake of their buddy. One says to the other, "Boy he sure looks good, don't he?" The other said, "He oughta you idiot. He just got outta the hospital."

stevstro