Three Powerful Questions to Ask When Someone with ADHD is Struggling

When we’re struggling, it can be easy to judge ourselves or each other. But if we invite curiosity, we can help ourselves or someone else by asking powerful questions. Jessica shares what questions to ask not just ourselves but anyone else struggling, be they a friend, a family member, or an employee… whether they have ADHD… or not!

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Music credits for "Three Powerful Questions to Ask When Someone with ADHD is Struggling":
"Life of Riley", "The Show Must Be Go”
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0

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[naturally_rob]

I've had only one manager like this. She fought tooth and nail for making sure that her employees could do their jobs effectively, and if they couldn't, she'd sit with them and work WITH them on finding what they could do to help. Mother Mary, as we called her, fit her given name.

[molchmolchmolchmolch]

For me the most important part of the story was saying no, that wouldn't help.

[nivision]

honestly I wish I could send this to my former manager. not even as an ADHD coping thing, but as a general business thing. that properly equipping and expressing empathy towards the individual needs of your staff can be profitable in itself. so many these days get so into penny pinching that they miss the big picture.

[v]

I've been disabled for a couple years now and this is my first time hearing about JAN. I can't work, but this still looks like a really useful resource

[Sunny]

My 24 year old daughter with adhd is going to try again to go back to junior college. She needs help. She goes great guns blazing until the end of the semester then crumbles and fails or barely passes. She is very intelligent. We live in Des Moines iowa. Help!

[vinilzord]

Currently struggling with getting restful sleep and falling asleep Early. Feeling brain foggy and tired most days. Also Vyvanse caps are hit-or-miss. I started taking Magnesium Glycinate yesterday to help me recover from 3 C*VID infections and 2 Pfizer "vaccines". Actually I recommend looking into "anti spike protein protocol" if anybody else is having similar struggles. Feel free to chime in, CV-19 made my ADHD symptoms 100x worse.

[TheSpeedofTim]

Great stuff, as always. Thank you for this. I'm going to bring these with me to work where I am both a brain and a heart.

I do have one question. What is the recommended path if the answer to "What would help?" is not something feasible? For example, if the answer is for the work to go away, to get a new manager, or something that is a high cost that the business is not able to accommodate. I don't want to shut folks down and reply that it's not possible. Would the path then be to empathize, then roll back to the second question to ask about another possible solution, then repeat from there?

Thanks in advance for any thoughts and recommendations. Have s stellar day my friends.

[puppypoet]

Not knowing what will make things better is so mentally deflating.

[madalynnr]

I asked my boss to stop calling things non-urgent as that means do them never to my brain

[TheSuzberry]

Problem solving rather than criticism. Huzzah!

[indigoziona]

I love this story so much. As a an educator, discussing supporting students with additional needs often leads to realising "wait, this would benefit all of my students". It can be so hard to speak up when no one else seems to be struggling but better systems benefit everyone.

[sharonobryan]

Employees needing accommodations are often the best employees when their accommodations are met, and they are not made to feel like an ass for asking or a liability for needing accommodation.

[annazitterl]

My "stapler" will sound strange ... I tend to forget things in public transportation whenever I travel, especially if it is something like a suitcase that I don't carry around every day. So I ordered the longest, brightest shoelaces I could find on Amazon and put them on every suitcase, backpack, etc I have and don't carry around on an every day basis. I also always have some spare ones in my bag that I carry around every day. So now when I enter a bus, train, whatever, I put the shoelace into my hand or on my arm so I won't forget my stuff when it is out of sight. If I put the suitcase, backpack, ... up in the head compartment for example in a train, I make sure that the bright and colourful shoelace dangles down in my hight of sight, so I will see it when I am about to leave the train. Hope that helps! ☺️

[bwayslimess]

The amount of frustration I experience at work related to my ADHD is madness. I wish managers would just pull me aside when they see this and try to understand better :/

[dolphin]

One "stapler" we use a lot at my job is "please email me so I don't forget". I'm super thankful to work in a place with so many openly ADHD coworkers ❤

[sckilham]

One of the most powerful things a boss ever said to me when I was struggling was "I believe you." Just knowing that she believed that my challenges were real meant that I felt able to ask for what I needed without fear of judgement. An accommodation that helped me a lot was having a clock or timer visible while I was working so I could easily keep track of time. My job was to run classes that were 30 minutes and ran back to back, so having a clock visible made it so I didn't run over time. I even had a few minutes to take care of myself so that I wasn't exhausted and behind schedule within the first 2 hours.

[ruthfeiertag]

Your manager at that restaurant was a hero. I hope she has gone on to great success and happiness. Can we clone her? To few people really ask with genuine interest and then listen and THEN absorb and act on what they hear.

And you and Baby Brain seem healthy and happy. 🥳🥰

[vindicated.]

I'm gonna be blunt. I wish people would check in on me more often. Even if I can't answer immediately because I work from home. I spend too much time alone with my thoughts, and my brain is my worst enemy most of the time.

[elisebrown]

My "stapler" is scissors. Everywhere. Kitchen, laundry room, my closet, bedside table, living room. I have so many scissors. I absolutely loathe being in the middle of something, needing to cut off a thread, tag, open a box, what-have-you, and not having a close at hand pair of scissors. And if I have to go looking.... well, there are so many squirrels along the way.

[Troop]

A "stapler" at home is to have cleaning supplies at each point of use. So scouring powder, toilet gel, sponges, glass cleaner, whatever, in each bathroom and kitchen. If I have to run between bathrooms to get my supplies, it's not happening.