Is It OK To Be Friends With Your Ex?

What’s up YouTube, I’m Brad Browning, AKA Breakup Brad… and of course, as you know, I’m YouTube’s #1 breakup coach. In today’s video, I’m going to answer a simple question: is it ever acceptable, or even a good idea, to be friends with your ex?

Now, most of you watching this video are probably hoping to get back together with your ex. And in that kind of situation, my answer is pretty simple: no, it’s never wise to be friends with an ex if you’re trying to get them back.

I will explain one situation where it IS OK to be friends with your ex later in the video, but first let’s get into why you should absolutely NOT pursue a friendship with your ex when you’re hoping to get back together.

At first, on the surface, I understand the temptation to be friends with your ex… after all, it seems like the “next best thing” to being in a relationship with them, right? And maybe you think it will even help you get them back by giving you a chance to see and talk with them regularly. While this all makes sense at first glance, it’s actually completely false… please trust me when I say that agreeing to be ‘friends’ with your ex after breaking up will NOT help you win them back

There are a few other huge problems with agreeing to be friends with your ex if you want to win them back:

Problem #1: It won’t give your ex a chance to develop feelings of nostalgia and to miss you as much as if you aren’t around.

As I’ve already explained in several of my past videos, one of the key ingredients to repairing a relationship is allowing enough time to pass that your ex begins to miss you like crazy.

And how do you make someone miss you? Simple: disappear from their life suddenly and completely, shutting down all lines of communication. By maintaining a friendship with your ex, it’s impossible to really effectively disappear from their radar, and therefore for them miss you.

This is actually based in scientific research, by the way: many studies have found that humans are hard-wired to forget about negative memories more quickly and easily than positive ones. That means that, by employing a period of No Contact and leaving your ex alone for at least a month, you’re allowing him or her time to let go of negative memories and emotions and fixate on the happier parts of your relationship. And again, this isn’t going to happen if you’re still regularly hanging out with your ex after breaking up, like you probably would be if you decided to be friends with them.

Problem #2: It gives complete control of the situation to your ex.

Another key to winning back your ex is to make it known to them that you’re still “equals”:, even if they’re the one who decided to break up with you. You need to make it clear that you’re not a pushover, and that if your ex isn’t interested in a romantic relationship, then they’re going to be cut from your life altogether.

I know this sounds painful and even harsh, but there’s no question that you need to maintain your own “status” in the eyes of your ex if you’re going to be able to win them back. By going along with the idea of being “friends” after breaking up, you’re basically shifting the balance of power in their favour.

Problem #3: By staying friends with your ex, you serve as their “safety net” while they look for someone new.

Do you want to be your ex’s confidante while they tell you about their new lover(s)? Do you want to be their backup plan in case things don’t work out with the new relationship they’re pursuing with someone else? Of course not.

You have to make it absolutely clear to your ex that if they choose to break up with you, they’re on their own... and they can’t come running back to you if they find the single life less fun than they’d imagined it would be. I know this sounds backwards, but unless you apply some pressure and urgency to the situation for your ex, they’ll be fine to keep you around as a backup option… and that’s going to make you look somewhat pathetic, and it certainly won’t make them more attracted to you.




*** More from Brad Browning:

[vasilinaf]

Two months in no contact and I am the happiest I have ever been. When I started no contact I wanted him back so bad, now I now I am better off without him and I am moving forward! Thank you so much for your advice !

[claire]

hes literally replying to every comment, that's so niceeee omgggg

[Change]

When my ex broke up with me it was out of nowhere. We were planning a whole future to be together (both adults) and then she one day expressed that she just wanted to work on herself. Whatever the case maybe I respected her decision. At first being human I showed anger and expressed how hurt I was of her leaving me. We had no communication as I expressed hatred for her in the beginning…A few months later I did reach back out to her to just be frankly honest, and to tell her how much I missed my best friend. We both cried, and I expressed how much she meant to me. I even apologized for how I acted. I saw love for me in her eyes but I did see that she looked like she was surviving better then me. Just because I’m sad and still miss her. I could never force anyone to stay. I told her from my heart that I’m proud of her and will always love her deeply. And then I told her just because I’m hurt.. I can’t force you or make you feel the same way, you don’t deserve it. I respect your decision and I set you free from any pain. That I respect your decision and that we did the best we could. This was not a toxic relationship we loved each other immensely but not sure what happened that she left.. maybe she just lost a part of her.. I did notice she became less social when we became in a relationship but I did always push her to see her friend and still be out there, but I guess she wanted to venture alone and I’m proud of her. I’m still hurting today because nothing was wrong with us. We built this home together now I’m alone but I can’t force someone else to be sad because I’m sad. I chose to end communication respectfully after our last meeting and said “if one day you miss me and love me then message me. And if you don’t ever message me that’s okay too :) I love you and I’m proud of you and I always want you to know that. I couldn’t just be friends with somone I loved and I wasn’t trying to compete to be a better version of myself. I don’t need too. This person I cherished is gone and others could not match how wonderful she is. I gave her a hug and told her I don’t hate her that I will always more her immensely. Sometimes I wish I was friends with her because we were each others best friend but not sure if mentally I’d survive because I’d deep down be hoping like I am today even with no contact that she’d return when I know she might not. I’m not that religious but I left it to god and the universe that if she comes back organically great and if not that’s okay too.

[chelseaeberhardt]

For anyone who is struggling with losing someone, just remember you’re a baddie. You deserve love and if they don’t choose you, it’s okay. Someone will and they will love you for you one day. If you end up alone, it’s because you give up on love and build walls up. Be open, be vulnerable and allow yourself to be available when new love comes around. Not contacting them doesn’t have to be the only way to get them back. You can just focus on yourself and be happy with you. When you shift your energy, the right things become attracted to it. If they don’t come back, they aren’t for you. It’s a blessing.

[theresachiorazzi]

The reason they’re still having contact is because they are still in love Because real love never dies. That’s my belief.

[anjaliverma]

We are in a long distance relationship across continents .He asked to move on but wants to maintain contact through social media, no texting, no calling.
I want him back emotionally like before and don't want to be just friends . Because seeing him on social media will never let me heal and forget him.
Ready to move on in life if he emphasizes on only friendship..
Thanks Brad..You gave me some power .👍❤️

[MilesLambos-efnt]

Guys, let me tell you my experience. My ex and I are back together, we were friend for like 6 months. My advice would be, be friends with them, while you guys are friends make sure you have an emotional connection, go out and remind her/him why he/she chose you as a partner and fix mistakes you made in the relationship, maybe you were insecure, fix it and I promise guys this will help you, I get what Brad is saying but I'll have to disagree with this video...it seems like an egotistical battle

[Stevewalker_]

Just move on.. and let it go
Life is still beautiful enough

[Szt]

Its totally okay. Just dont be mad at the new guy/girl when they want nothing to do with you.

[yashgaur]

I think it’s a big red flag if the person u seeing is in touch or even friends with their exes

[melissamariee]

I'm friends with my ex, but we don't want each other back

[trxbaybay]

Brad, here's my situation... Me and my girlfriend were the best friends...by the time we started dating and after a year she and I broke up yesterday. She loved me and she gave me chances. I f*ed up all the time...I was just a man only with words. She and I both talked and stopped the relationship and somehow to become who we were....being there for her no matter what. I just do not need a bad note between her and I. I will always love her.... But this decision mostly will help her. I'm sorry I'm just telling what happened because none of you knows me and it helps talking like this.❤️😞

[samanthak]

Oh I love how you added those movie characters and scenes into your video. And thank you sooo much for all those great advice

[aryagarg]

I literally respect you alot cause you always give perfect advice to those who are in trouble ! Lots of love from india ❤️

[antennahelena]

Hey, Brad!
So I was engaged to this man and we had been together for four years and 2 months. I was about to move in with him and start a family but we were currently living in different cities. As I was applying for a job in his area COVID happened and we ended stuck apart during all the confinement. After two months of daily facetiming he called it quits with me, telling me his head was about to blow up and he couldn't do this any longer. He disappeared completely. Blocked me from everywhere.
Last Wednesday I grabbed the courage after the 30 days of no contact to go and visit him.
Turns out, a week after breaking up with me he was in what it seems like a rebound relationship with an ex he dated in his early 20's for almost 3 years. And they have moved in together. When he saw me he turned super pale and he told me he couldn't even give me a hug because he didn't want to mess things up and that he wished the best for me in life.
My questions are the following:
Does the not being able to even hug me fact mean he still loves me?
Does the fact that he already had dated the rebound in the past make it worse for me to win him back?
Do I still have a chance?
What do you recommend?
Thank you!

[Tay]

I became FRIENDS with my exes years after the breakup, because i knew i didnt want them back. I think it depends on a lot of things that doesnt apply to everybody . Each case is different . But if your suuuurrre that you dont want them anymore and your relationship wasnt toxic, sure why not life is short .

[isaacmongare]

That's spot on. Thanks to your videos now I'm employing what I've learned from this

[Mailaifeisboring]

I like being friends with my ex. We're not friends really but in touch a lot as we have a child. I have zero interest of getting back together but he's a great dad and I really appreciate this. I'm always ready to help him if I can because he's such a good father and a decent - though unhealed - person.

[alexwootton]

What if it was a mutual break up... they still love you and don’t want to loose you?

[helenlea]

Aw brad popped up in my search. A blast from the past. A lot of wisdom in these vids. Have helped me grow a lot since I was dumped 6 years ago. Can’t believe what I used to tolerate. Xox