Who We Can Love

One of the strangest things about relationships is that we aren’t free to get together with just anyone. We all have strong types: but where do these come from and what do they tell us about ourselves?

FURTHER READING

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Richard O’Connor

[georgeszweden]

That's why in Africa they say that a child should be raised by a village, not just 2 people.

[elenakusevska]

It's never that simple. Yes the early experiences with the parents are important, but so is everything else, early childhood friends, first love, every love up to "now", books read as a child or as an adult, movies, literally every kind of experience that has somehow shaped who we are, how we see the world, and what we find desirable.

[lee-cimj]

The goldfish fell in love with the octopus. Did not see that coming.

[kryziaa]

Who needs counseling when you have the school of life?

[stephanimahl]

“It doesn’t feel quite right unless it’s kind of awful as well”. I could tattoo that! It’s the quote of my life!

[major]

Also, if you're used to being belittled, you may not be attracted to someone who thinks you're wonderful because you won't believe they know "the real you". Your parents know you better than anyone. If they thought you were worthless, you won't trust anyone who thinks you're great. You'll feel like a fraud, and you think you'll disappoint them. Finding someone who belittles you may not feel good, but at least they are seeing you for what you think you are.

[satya]

I don't watch these videos as if they had the absolute truth. I like to watch this videos because it can be used as a guide, or not. Self-awareness is an individual activity, but you can search for help in videos like these or any source that you prefer, so please, be aware that this videos won't necessarily apply to your life in specific, we all have unique experiences.

[daevenville]

I came here to learn, not to feel. Now look at what you've done.

[chesbrocrysta]

"We accept the love we think we deserve "
the perks of being a wallflower

[ainierizvi]

you need to love the person who will free you from your past fears.

[mayinhah]

From my own experience, I started to fall in love with people that were good for me once I became aware that my parents are only human and forgave them on the pain they caused me on that basis. It's a process but it's necessary healing for establishing healthy relationships. Also even before the forgiveness part, learning to love oneself and to have the same supportive and understanding attitude with the self and others that we wish other people had with us - definitely attracts people with those same traits

[Nanapoo]

I love your videos but they always make me feel really sad inside

[TASmith]

My brother found a very controlling, belittling woman, but our parents were nothing like that. I think what led him to her was not so much his familiarity with our parents but pure desperation.

[lucia-belen-vera]

"It doesn't quite feel right unless it's kind of awful as well"

That really hit home ;(

[lucia-belen-vera]

"it doesn't quite feel right unless it's kind of awful as well"
man that really hit home...

[ratallin]

Learned more about myself in five minutes than I did my entire life. Thank you.

[hamfood]

Years of therapy and self-contemplation summed up in a 5 minute video... I LOVE THIS CHANNEL :D

[Safar.]

When you are stopping judging other people, you’re getting stronger inside and more clear. The crazy thing here is, everyone thinks he’s/she’s a victim, even the abusers themselves. It’s really hard to admit that you’re an abuser in both cases. Either By abusing others or by abusing yourself by staying there.

Only when you start to see childhood in adults, sympathy kicks in. And that sympathy comes effectively from sympathizing with yourself first. Only then you will be capable to forgive & only then you will see through every human you want a relationship with and choose freely for yourself. After all, when you ask for healthy love, it implies you consider yourself healthy. This scenario is shared by 7 billion people around you. Pure Fascinating human eccentricity :)

It’s a tough self realizing journey but you’re going to open many exciting and happy doors for you.

[happyisthegirl]

Yep, I did a couple bad relationships. But once we know why, we can rearrange our outcomes. Alcoholism and the unpredictable behaviors were what I thought were normal. They are behaviors of damaged and sick people and it took me a life to learn this. I healed by getting around good people who I was slightly uncomfortable with, even felt awkward at first, but I just forced myself to let the in my life. I found friends at a church who were beyond understanding. I joined church missions to help other people and get my eyes off of myself. My family was atheist new age and had no hope beyond what was in front of them. I am now happy, spiritual and involved in giving to others.

[EADaang]

This reminds me of the poem.
"She fears him, and will always ask / What fated her to choose him;
She meets in his engaging mask / All reasons to refuse him"