Why it’s so HARD to get over an avoidant (and how to heal)

#attachmentstyle #breakup #heartbroken #attachment #dismissiveavoidant #emotionallyunavailable #avoidant #avoidantattachment #dating #insecureattachment #relationship #relationshipcoach #dismissiveavoidantattachment #fearfulavoidant #fearfulavoidantattachment #discarded #discard #divorce #blindsided #lackofempathy #lackofclosure #healingjourney #situationship

[hutchsrevenge]

It sucks because whatever plans you started imagining are just cut off and you never saw the connection ending this quick or like this.

They go from seeing you as the perfect person to compartmentalizing you as someone it would've never worked out with.

They go from 110% into the relationship to 0.

[henpus]

Everytime my fingers want to text him, I pause and remembered how he treated me, treated me unseen, unwanted, 👻, as an option... I deserve the best and put my dignity above all my feelings.
You explain all about DA, FA so simple and now my turn to follow your advices and works on my wounded healings
Thanks Couch

[GesuHeche-fvhx]

Yep. For me it's the lack of empathy part which I can't wrap my head around. How can someone be so loving, caring, sweet and overly involved, and then be so cold, unfeeling, unempathetic, selfish and inconsiderate? It's like they're two totally different people, or like there is a switch that they can turn on and off at their own volition. My mind literally can't fathom how they can switch on and off, as mine doesn't work that way and it's foreign to me. How are they able to do that? Was the loving part real? It did truly seem so. I can't understand how this can even be the same person. This painful contradiction fuels rumination, as my mind seeks to make sense of it all

[catherineshelton]

It is very hard and other people don't understand. It is even harder when they bread crumb you for months afterwards.

[YvetteInnerGrowth]

Personally it's the anxiety levels he triggered all over again and again by dismissing, pulling away, playing hot and cold... Surround yourself with people who bring the best in you, not the stress in you ... with much love for everyone who is healing from avoidant ex partners ❤

[RobertSchumann-oxeh]

SPOT ON! Most painful experience of my life.

[johndevivo]

We simply had the best time all the time. I never imagined a person could ever walk away from it. Then she did. Then I learned what an avoidant attachment is. All the avoidant red flags were there but I did not yet know how to see them.

[BruceJC]

Hell the understanding and empathy is what hurts the most. I wish I didn’t care. I wish I didn’t love her like I do.

[KD-hybi]

Seriously. This hurts worse than my divorce.

[danboi]

buddy, i don’t know you - but you have freed me. thank you. ❤

[ShopgirlNY]

This is so true. My breakup with my avoidant bf was more painful than my divorce from a 20 year marriage. I’ve never felt so heartbroken & devastated. Like a death of a future dream we had together just went *poof* it’s over.

[RoyannAprilForbes]

Coach Ryan you are exceptional in explaining all I experienced ed with my avoidant person.

[anothercat]

Hot-and-cold is very addictive,
but it's a sign that the other person is not interested.

[cleopetra]

This is me.. Wondering if any of it was real 😢😢it's so disheartening and you can't just unlove someone overnight.

[cleopetra]

I can't believe how much this resonates with what I experienced.. Definitely a lesson I needed to learn so I have better awareness for future relationships

[Yin]

I gave two months to grief after my avoidant broke up with me. I just gave him the honor to deal with the dumper remorse later in life. I Jump into therapy, go to the gym and change my phone number. It is very difficult but it's doable. He saw me after i lose 10 lbs and I can see he has feelings for me but continues to blame me on why our relationship is not working out. I feel like i am dating an adult man with a brain of an adolescent boy.

[jbkormos]

Ryan, your content is what helped me to heal. I went through three months of horrible pain until I came across one of your videos. As I started viewing more, I began to understand and the hurt lessened greatly. Thank you for that and for your continued insight.

[alistairhelm]

This Helped So much
Her Breaking Up with me is one of the hardest things I've been through .To be shown an amazing world and then have it snatched away from me still has me drifting back to it 4 months later .And does she care not one bit out celebrating with friends the next weekend to a place I couldn't go as it reminds me of her so much says all I need to know about her behaviour.

[trickymouse]

Thank you as always. It is 1 year today since I physically saw my ex, so unfortunately that has been on my mind. He did the breadcrumbing until March when I blocked him after the last conversation where he said he loved me still, and then in the same conversation, lets meet for dinner and ‘see how we feel’?? Two different things! I said I don’t need to meet you in person for that, I know how I feel.. And he said but id like to see you… God! Just no caring abput my pain at all, just would use me if i had gone to dinner. I still have a hard time accepting thst I meant nothing to him. I feel like a fool. Thanks to you, coach, I can remind myself of what he did and not cling to the potential of what could have been. Still hard. I had not been in a relationship for many years and I was leading a good, happy life. Then I met this man and I thought wow! We have so much in common, he understands the way I think, same humour, movies, books, games, food, etc, etc! We laughed soooo much ! I allowed myself to love him wholeheartedly but also it took a long time to be comfortable with him, I couldn’t figure out why. I thought it was because I had been alone for so long, so I didn’t trust myself, I did not hold boundaries because I had been told years ago my bar was too high! Now I see I felt ‘off’ because he had no emotional capacity and we did eventually (me, he really contributed nothing) ‘talk’ about this and he said he was told by a work councillor that he had to work on empathy. Wow, I heard that and instead of thinking ‘run’ I thought he would work on it 🤦‍♀️. I am not young and am sure thst was my last relationship so that adds to my embarrassment and sadness I think. Hugs to you all who have gone through this❤️

[Yourfriend]

Important to understand how a person can offer you something they themselves lack. That's what I think an avoident is 🙏🙏