#70 What It Means to Be a Man—In Any Era: Michael Durkin

Michael J. Durkin is an author, speaker and self-described maniac committed to the strengthening of men, women, families and the planet. He is the author of 8 business books and has spoken in front of audiences as few as 6 and as large as 26,000!

He is the creator of the Men of Honor Podcast, which strives to help men become better fathers, husbands, sons, boyfriends, and community leaders. Michael weaves his own wisdom and personal experiences into his teachings on marriage, business success, parenting, fitness and masculinity. He is passionate about keeping families together, making marriages joyful, and giving children a place to grow and learn. He is also fan of putting the hot, seductive, alluring SEX back into marriages where it belongs.

Michael has survived and re-built his life after a devastating divorce. He is married to a woman he dubs The Beautiful Bonnie, and they live happily tucked away in the woods of Northwestern CT.

IN THIS EPISODE:

6:40  What women find attractive in men

8:45  Nagging

10:00  How men have listened to a narrative that tells them they need to be soft and are not supposed to be “doers” and men became confused

10:55  Why men “showing up” in their marriages causes their relationships to change

12:26  Every problem a man has with communication, arguments and sex has to do with them

13:43   Suzanne and Michael discuss millennial men

16:14  Michael explains what he thinks he did to cause his own marriage to end

17: 45  How men “jump through hoops” to please their wives

19:20  Since the sexual revolution, men have been taught through every movie and song that they need to be sensitive and emotional and how this has destroyed men and relationships

24:00  Men need to be with other men and women need to be with other women

26:30  A woman cannot love a man she doesn't respect **

27:55  Millennial women think they need to be able to tell their husbands everything and that their husbands should be their best girlfriend

32:35  Suzanne and Michael discuss why women “test” men

37:10** The “trifecta of chaos” and why men in today’s society need to become solid

39:40  The 3 ways men can rebuild themselves after divorce

48:38  Why sex often dies with marriage

54:25  Why “hard attracts soft” and how opposites complement each other

57:55  Suzanne discusses her coaching practice and how women have a hard time learning to “receive"

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[skylinefever]

7:17 That sounds too much like the "Just be yourself" advice that often doesn't work.

[erwinbrubacker]

I appreciate both of you acknowledging our Creator, we had gotten marryed, 3 yrs later I gave my heart to the Lord. We ran into some issues & in my heart I had said, it's finished. One Sat morning slept in, laying relaxed when I sensed the Holy Spirit ..
I was corrected to not give up. He knows best.

[justinadams]

41:31 incomplete nonsense. A woman may choose the guy but it’s the man (not random guy, but a man) who chooses who he commits to. She doesn’t “got you”. Women only “get” regular guys. Men are the ones that are sought after by women. The man, decides from a series of women that are wanting his attention and time and commitment. Many women choose the man. Most lose him and settle for a doting nice guy.

[ati]

"Say what you mean and mean what you say..."

If that's so appealing, why can't women do this? They want to copy men in practically every other aspect of life.

[Brentisimo]

I think he’s off his rocker about sex and why it dies in marriage. Women want sex with men that they respect. The more effort a man puts into winning a woman’s approval, the less she will respect him.

[hanswurscht]

Where can we find more about Michael and his Men of Honor?

[Brentisimo]

One of the most important traits for a man to develop for healthy relationships is the ability to say, “no, ” to a woman.
One reason why men struggle to fulfill everything they commit to do is because men say, “yes, ” too often when women ask things of men.

[Xarkom]

So I gotta bend my ass backwards to be loved and she just has to exists for my attraction? This guy WORKED was faithful, and loving to his wife and kids and she STILL left him.

Fuck. That. Noise.

[justinadams]

9:11 this is still under the worn out premise that women are the marital task masters

[christinamason]

Very Interesting video! I have enjoyed and watched many of your videos. Thank you! I would love to see a video regarding dating and the early stages money wise... I really enjoy feeling the polarity and complementing aspects of the masculine and feminine energies... I want to be in a relationship were I’m mostly in my feminine and the man is mostly in his masculine..
I usually go on dates with men that are generous and pay the bill... I recently talked to a man that mentioned he liked to split bills even before the date and that he would be cool paying the first round... * I felt this instant wave loosing attraction towards him. (I don’t believe that in the whole relationship the man should pay for everything but yes for a substantial part)
It would be so helpful to see a video on how to navigate this modern idea of the 50/50 relationships when more and more men and women feel this is healthy and you don’t. I am also from Mexico and I have found that culturally in the US there is a stronger 50-50 mentality. Why does this 50-50 not feel good deeply for most women, how to navigate the idea of it in this culture and communicate in a feminine way that it does not make you feel good.. Thank you!

[Mrjohnnyusa]

Men slapping the crap out of women is just biological. It helps her to know her natural place.

[johntrench]

This seemed like just another "Everything is the man's fault" video, on just another "Everything is the man's fault" site, until your guest clarified that a marriage failure is always 50:50.

I am disappointed, however, that while he--and you--still mentioned all the ways that MEN fall short, and all the ways that MEN need to step up and show up in a relationship, there was no balance in mentioning all the ways WOMEN fall short, and all the ways that WOMEN need to step up and show up in a relationship.

Unless and until you do, divorce rates will continue to rise, men will continue to turn away from committing to long term relationships, marriage rates will continue to plummet, and increasing numbers of men will join, consciously or unconsciously, the movement of men going their own way.

[Firerose]

This guy fills the Beta need but not the Alpha seed. Women need different things at different stages in their life.

[Ephesians-]

Telling your children that you and your ex are no longer a vibrational match does little or nothing to comfort a child who's been hurt by their parents divorce. I tried that bullshit on my kids when I finally left my narcissistic husband after being a devoted mother their whole lives. They turned their backs on me quick. This is terrible advice! Thankfully we got our shit together and worked it out or else my kids, who I sacrificed so much for and raised practically by myself while the former incarnation of their father played video games, would want nothing to do with me now.

[TightNinja]

Suzanne, I like what you are trying to do, but you still approaching relationships as a Boomer would. It is 2021 and many things have changed. Take some time to research the Manosphere, Rollo Tomassi, Coach Greg Adams, Aaron Clarey, TFM. If you can internalize what they are saying but from a female point of view. I think you could be even more influential.

[frankdicicco]

What kind of a real man are you when you watch netflix. I am a real MASCULINE man and I DO NOT WATCH MOVIES. Last of a breed.