Teach girls bravery, not perfection | Reshma Saujani

We're raising our girls to be perfect, and we're raising our boys to be brave, says Reshma Saujani, the founder of Girls Who Code. Saujani has taken up the charge to socialize young girls to take risks and learn to program — two skills they need to move society forward. To truly innovate, we cannot leave behind half of our population, she says. "I need each of you to tell every young woman you know to be comfortable with imperfection."

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[Real_Noah_is_me]

I am a high school student living in Korea. I happened to find your book in the library and cried while reading the introduction. And when I heard this story at TED, I found this video. Thank you very much. I've realized that I'm abusing myself too much in pursuit of perfection. I kept paying attention to my relationships, and I thought the reason why I was so low on my self-esteem was because I wasn't perfect, so I went overboard with myself every day. And I thought I'd be better by a little bit more perfect, but I realized I wasn't. I found life hard because I've been pursuing perfection. I changed my life. Thanks once again.

[leasa]

I never realized how so many of the things she spoke about were true about how I act

[shelbzzz]

I am a 5th grade 11 year old student. I cant tell you how much this changed me. I showed this to my best friends, family, even my teachers, and they all changed there act. Wow. This is amazing.

[AndreasRudolph]

This is just beautiful. I'm going to teach my daughter (4 months old) to fail bravely everyday with her head held high. Thank you

[NPStation]

This is one of the best TED talks I have seen. Reshma is so inspiring and leading the world towards a better place for girls. She is my role model and mentor. I met her this week at Library of Congress in Washington DC and had the honor of speaking to her in person. She shared some useful hints about life in general for girls and how we should be brave and doesnt matter if we are not perfect.

[cheesetime]

I am 11 years old. Your talk inspired me to take a coding class. I’m now smarter and more confident. Thank you so much.

[ayapaulhus]

It’s scary that I thought I was a confident woman, and yet I saw myself in many examples you have stated, where I put myself down. Eye-opener. For the better. Thank you.

[sheew.]

I cried while I was watching the video. I am a girl from China. My life is always filled with unequal expectations for boys and girls. We are taught to do more and get less. I don't think this is what the world should like. No one teach me to be brave. I even don't know that we should be brave to have a better life. I am 28 years old now. I hope this year I can make a big progress and try something new that I always afraid of. Thanks for sharing this video.

[jacqui]

I was 32 when I decided to go back to school to become a computer programmer! It was the bravest thing I have ever done. I was used to be being a perfectionists, who struggled with fear of failure. But, I knew I had to try and get out there. I have a daughter, and I wanted to teach her to never give up, to always learn, and to never be afraid to try. That lesson started with showing her how to start. It is a scary thing as a woman in tech. I feel as though the learning process and application of code is different between men and women. And the struggle is the communication gap on how to show that you do have the ability to process requests, but how do you have confidence to build it and show it!

[roidroid]

I used to code more when i was young, but lost interest as i grew up. Now i'm wondering if it's coz i was too perfectionist about it. Inspiring talk.

[MrNesscity]

What we should really take away from this talk are the basic principle that we should teach our children (male&female) not to strive for perfection, but for bravery, to accept that everybody makes mistakes, make them feel loved even when they do fail, encourage them to try harder or again, make things better or improve little by little. The expectation to be perfect to make that huge leap into the dark is scary. So maybe we should teach them to be brave, take little steps, until they are ready to make the leap and be "perfect" while they already were perfect with their imperfections.

[ummeaiman]

I'm gonna be a different girl from now
I'll be brave and ask questions to my teachers that I never have done before.!

[emilybchen]

It was surprising to see so many dislikes on this video--I think a lot of people are misinterpreting her point. This video is about encouraging women. While it may be seen as stereotypical to assume that all boys are raised to be brave, and all girls are raised to be perfectionist, the point she's trying to make is that within our culture there is much more pressure on women to be perfect: appearance-wise and in their work. Of course there are going to be exceptions. Of course there are girls who find it easier not to adhere to societal expectations--but there are not nearly enough girls like that. The speaker is saying that if we lift the expectation of perfection off of girls' shoulders, it will encourage more of them not to be scared.
Last note: this talk is not 'anti-male'. (A confusing part of the talk was her using the word 'teach' when referring to social expectations.) The point is that we should start encouraging girls for the same things that boys have been encouraged for since the beginning. By no means did she advocate that we should discourage boys for anything, or that they don't struggle under expectations of their own.

[CM-bkto]

This has changed and inspired me because I can identify. In my class there are more boys than girls, they always are who raise their hand when the teacher asks someone to read, even if they aren't fluid when doing so, they are the ones who ask silly questions and nobody complains; but when a girl fails or doesn't do something right they are the ones who laugh or mock us.

[evgeniya]

It was so inspiring! I am the girl who was raised to be perfect, and this is a huge problem for me. Sometimes I'm just so afraid of being not good enough. And I'd better not try at all(((. After your talk I started thinking that there'll never be a perfect moment, and I shouldn't be the perfect person. Thank you for this amazing information.

[좋아미니]

This gave me a chance to think about how l was obsessed with perfection and how little it means, from now on l'll try even if l will fail cause l'm proud.

[roberthansen]

I am a blind guy and am held up to this ridicule of being perfect. I claim progress, not perfection. Bravery is better.

[SharkWitchMeruna]

I bought her book because of this. I’m not super smart but I try. I am learning how to code and love learning how things work (even if I’m bad at math and my study habits are rusty). She is a true inspiration!

[Bassist]

I tell my baby girls they're beautiful, of course. But way more often I tell them are courageous and brave. Challenge them. Encourage them. Already my 4 year old is incredibly strong of spirit and I love that about her.

[anneyaa]

It made me realize how societal pressures push girls toward perfection instead of bravery. Her message is empowering, encouraging girls to take risks and embrace failure as part of growth. It’s a powerful reminder to redefine success and nurture confidence.