History Hijinks: Greek Wise Guys

When I first studied Ancient Philosophy in college I thought it was engaging and interesting to discuss and whatever, but only years later did I come to appreciate the true hilarity of these Wise-Guys.

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[MarkusAldawn]

"If I were not Alexander, I would want to be Diogenes."
"If I was not Diogenes, I would also want to be Diogenes."

[Fonblockland]

Death: Gorgias it's time to go

Gorgias at 98: Well you see time is a relative construct, it is true that one day my body shall stop functioning but who are you to say that that day, is in fact today? I...

Death: Alright alright, i'll give you 10 more years, please just stop.

[Kemot]

In Hades:
Hades (reads the report): So let me get this straight Charon, Diogenes spent years on the coast of the Styx river because he did not care to pay you, and you only took him now because you could not take it anymore, and I quote: "to see him constantly pee into the Styx river"?

[GhostBear]

Diogenes: "I ran out of fucks to give before you were born."
Bystander: "I am older than you..."
Diogenes: "DID I STUTTER?!"

[necronsouls]

I love how the 2 big theories of Diogenes's death are
A) he fought with a rabid dog over a piece of meat, got bit, and the bite wound got infected and he died from that, or
B) he wanted to prove a point (of which I do not remember the subject) and forced himself to not breath, killing himself

what a chad that man was

[ashofruins]

"BEHOLD" Holds up a shivering naked chicken "A MAN" is probably the most hilarious powerplay ever

[anyataylor]

Diogenes is the chaotic neutral that everyone likes.

[hastaman]

Alexander: "Nice to meet you, I'm famous"

Diogenes: "Get bent"

Alexander: "He's so cool!"

[Obi-Wan_Kenobi]

I actually really like Plato, and not just because he's a bearded wise man who taught youngsters in a school while also being jacked enough to duel any opponent into submission. He reminds me of me in that regard.

[whatthewhatthe]

Diogenes: _Tears open Trojan horse_
BEHOLD, A MAN

Children: screaming at the birthday party

[ButterflyScarlet]

I love that Plato's name is basically just his wrestling moniker. It's if The Rock was a philosopher. Imagine casually discussing metaphysics with your lecturer and then you go home and see them chokeslam someone on national TV.

[silvergiovanni]

Plato: jacked wrestling philosopher

A sound soul dwells within a sound mind and a sound body

[CDexie]

Diogenes is seriously a legend. After pulling that stunt with the chicken, the academy was forced to expand the definition of man to "featherless biped with broad flat nails". He wandered around the streets of Athens with a lamp in broad daylight, claiming to be searching for "an honest man, but finding nothing but rascals and scoundrels". He threw the only cup he carried to drink water with when he saw a peasant child using its hands to do so out of a puddle, then declared ""Fool that I am, to have been carrying superfluous baggage all this time!". And finally, his words of wisdom: "In a rich man's house, there is no place to spit but his face".

[juliaspaghetti]

When asked what motivates him Diogenes responded with “spite.”

[wyrmofvt]

Gorgias: "...and that's why I don't owe you rent."

Landlord: "Well, if everything is transient and aetherial, then your apartment is as well, and it just ceased to exist. And that's why you don't have an apartment. Get out."

[veryimportantspoon]

Have I ever mentioned how much I admire Diogenes' sheer *audacity* ? He marches right up to the biggest hotshots in all of Greece, looks 'em up and down, and says "Move over, you're blocking the sunlight". I aspire to be that bold.

[herohades]

"Greek Wise Guys, or How Long Can We Talk About This Before We Inevitably Talk About Diogenes"

[IeshiAke]

Blue: allegedly getting the nickname Platus, meaning broad, because of his-
Me: broad knowledge, how original
Blue: wrestling coach.
Me: excuse me, what?

[DaBezzzz]

"Beyond being a bibliophile and a tank, Plato was also a nerd."
I love this channel.

[Tobbs]

You're surprised the Athenians liked having Diogenes around? If that kind of LEGEND lived near my house I'd be absolutely thrilled.