I Messed Up The No Contact Rule(What Do I Do?)

Define The No Contact Rule:

The no contact rule is a period of time where you ignore your ex on purpose. The intent of this tactic should NOT be used to make your ex miss you but instead should be used to rebuild your own life so that you outgrow your ex. By doing this, the no contact rule can have the added benefit of making an ex miss you.

Types of No Contact:
Limited
Indefinite

What does messing up the no contact rule look like?

- You break it by responding to an ex when you feel bad
- You show up at their house or work to get their attention
- You put yourself in a position where you will "accidentally" run into them.

Why So Many Of Our Clients Fail The No Contact Rule

- They Feel bad about ignoring their ex
- Their ex pulls the guilt trip on them
- They get worried that their ex will forget them
- They become terrified that their ex will find someone else during the no contact rule if they are out of sight, out of mind.

Why Messing The No Contact Rule Up Is Not Good

- The more you have to do it over and over the less effective it becomes in not only helping you outgrow your ex but in making your ex miss you.

What To Do If You Messed Up The No Contact Rule

- Restart from the beginning and remember the point is to get to a place emotionally where you OUTGROW your ex.

- How To Look At Being Guilt Tripped

If your ex wanted immediate responses, your ex shouldn’t have broken up with you or suggested a breakup in the first place.

- The No Contact Rule Is A Consequence For Bad Behavior If You Think About It

- Understanding How Anger Works In An Exes Guilt Responses

Anger is a defense mechanism. Anger is a result of being upset or sad or feeling shame over not getting something that they want. They are trying to find really, in the best way possible, in the best ways they know how, to make themselves feel better, and to tell themselves they’re not wrong. But we know they’re wrong, otherwise the breakup wouldn’t have happened.

"Having an ex tell you that you are selfish or acting childish for not responding to them implies that they are selfless and not childish but when we look at the situation all you are doing is minding your own business and moving past a breakup... all they are doing is throwing a tantrum since things aren't going their way. Who is more childish in this circumstance?"

[akasickform]

If you "mess up" the no contact rule, break contact, step back.

Delete all their messages, photos, and get rid of any other reminder of them.

Go and do something creative and use the emotional energy to create something new

Realise they are not perfect and if they were the person you thought they were, they would have still been in your life and not have left you for some other guy (yes, that is what they have done, sorry to break it to you dude, it's always another guy)

If they come back, ignore them. You are not responsible for their mistakes, and the only reason they are coming back is because *they* want something.

They are not doing it for *you*

[seanj]

That sounds good when you haven’t invested time, money and effort…. Not sure how many can just say…”oh well.”

[lestermatos]

My ex who broke up with me imposed a 3 month no contact rule. Ive messed but he also gave in but i think now ill stop because I dont want to be blocked and it will be worse

[swong]

It was 3 1/2 days and I broke no contact. We used to text each other everyday. Then he broke up with me and it went into radio silence. It was not easy. My skin was crawling. So I texted saying hi to my ex and asked how has work been. He broke up with me because he has no time for me because of his work schedule at a hospital. He works all the time. He answered my hello text within seconds. We then had a casual conversation talking about how we are. We talked about a lot of trivial things. I felt relief but I'm sure he is relieved too that I spoke to him after he broke up with me. He thought I would be angry at him but I'm not. But what do I do now? Go back into no contact? Will this work now that I messed up? I love him very much. I want to be back with him. I don't want to fall into the friend zone situation which I feel he will do.

[daisydeltoro]

I been a month 1/2 still crying heart broken don’t wanna eat don’t want to do anything ot sucks he really broke my heart ! I broke my 5 week no contact yesterday on his birthday! He said he going through a lot his mom got sick we talked for at least 5 mins and never responded to my last text … I started lurking he commented under his cousins picture on facebook “what a beautiful cousin I have “ from that I got so anxious and more depressed he seem so happy ! Like how can he be like this

[caoskin]

No Contact Rule is just a way to detach yourself from your dumper ex and start focusing on yourself. There’s no sense of showing them that you have changed especially when your dumper ex is automatically in a rebound relationship and started to ignore your messages again. Also, there’s no sense of talking to your dumper ex if they are not even willing to talk you on an emotional level in the first place. Yes you can talk on a platonic level but these actions may lead to miscommunication and misunderstanding and lets your ex move away again and you yourself opens your wounded heart again. Don’t forget that your dumper ex planned the breakup all along for months and create this negative version of you in their head. Using the no contact rule makes their guilt more high and soon they’ll make a decision to talk to you and regret all of those false negative version of you. Meanwhile while your dumper ex is building up his guilt while they are in their rebound relationship, you can go into dating someone new even just for friends and tell your new partner slowly about your situation with your ex and they will understand it no doubt. after some months and your dumper ex will be dealing with that news. One of the reactions with your ex would be mixed emotions of being happy that you’re now happy that you find someone new or most cases jealousy acts high. But again, it’s a normal reaction from your ex coz they are hoping that you are still miserable from the breakup and they are thinking that you are still head over heels over them. You can be friends casually if you are ready to talk to your ex through texting and after sometime you both build the lost attraction and when emotions gets comfortable enough, you see in person and maybe talk about the failed relationship and maybe somewhat perhaps it could work the second time around. Also, you will also make it clear to your new relationship that your ex wants to talk about your failed relationship. Your new partner of course will be saddened by that but they will understand.

[goldenangel]

I used to be in a relationship and broke up for 10 months, after the breakup, he guilts trip me by saying “ you’re ignoring me after my birthday what if I did the same thing to you, and one of my aunt had passed away”. He wanted immediate communication from me he shouldn’t have broken up or not suggested a breakup in the first place, and you’re right about this quote.

[ashishgarg]

i had gone for no contact for 5 month but after that in few meetings I ask for relationship she start she start behaving rude

[DanDan]

I just broke it.... she posted a picture of something that meant a lot to both of us as a profile photo.

I texted her and she said it reflects her love for me... wtf. She broke up and now announcing her love for me to the world...

[LadyAlexaa]

I broke non contact after 30 days and It occurred that he has rebound. I don't regret breaking NC, it hurts but at least I know

[vuyisilengwenya]

My ex she was telling me that I was childish selfish tell me how must I take care of my kids how must I love them she make me feel like guilty about the hole situation she trapped me with the little help that she needs me to pay the rent her i ignore her she was not happy about it.

[MsMervin]

He sent a reel about eating healthier..I took the bait..he was more intense with the abuse..I'm just broken hearted

[The_Darrell]

Ex broke up with me a month ago... she had a new guy one week later (a former fwb of hers), and she's still with him. She wrote me this... "You didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes things don’t work out. We both contributed to how things ended but it’s no ones fault. Thank you for the great memories" -- I'm going no contact, but sounds like I'm toast lol

[joeydrakeward]

God, I wish she was guilting me. She’s a coworker. We have to work together at least once a week. This week we’ve had to work together three times all day. That’s not the worst part. She started seeing another coworker not long after we started to have issues. Like weeks. So I’m doing no contact with a person I’m around literally all day and her new man is just down the dock. Oh and they moved in together, like two weeks into their relationship because he was homeless! I try to be friendly so there no tension but she’s right there and I make more conversation than I should. At first it was fine but no matter how polite she is, I’m clearly just bothering her. I don’t contact her outside of work. I workout 6 days a week, gave up beer, I read, I bought a convertible, I cut my hair short (which everyone loves) and dress better. Everything else is going my way…accept her.

[lilliankillian]

What if he shows nothing at all. How can i let go. We were togesthrr 3 and half years .i did brake the rule and called. Dont want to do this anymitr pl help ty

[tanguerogo]

This is really great...
If you broke your intended no 30 days no contact period two days earlier, you are still not ready for winning your ex back, you missed the whole point of NC, so you have to start again with the complete 30 days.
So right! 😅

[glakoblako]

I was half asleep and they pop up in dating app- pushed like in my drowsy stupor. Pretty sure they just don't like me anyways- oh well.

[sujaonajohnson]

Sir, I just want to say that my boyfriend broke up with me because his parents won't allow us to marry.
V r the childhood best friends,
5 years before v were in love with each other.
But that time he told me that his parents didn't allow us to get married, to each other. And he broke up with me.
But after 5 years, he again came to me and said that he still loves me, but the thing is that his parents won't allow us.
V both were again in a relationship but after 3 months he again left me. Because of his parents,
I want him back, but don't know how to make him realise my importance.
And this is the 10th day of my no contact rule.
But still, our families are very close friends and our families use to go to the same church,
I don't know what to do, so I use to ignore him every time I see him, even though every time he tries to talk in the same circle in which I m talking, and want to talk to me in the same, but that time I don't respond him.
Even though v both know that v both love each other a lot.
I don't know what to do,
When I took your test, I got 70.
I don't have the money to buy your videos,
Because my family is suffering from today's situation of covid,
So I don't have the money to buy it.
But still, hope that u will help me in my problem,
I m in this big complex situation, can u please help me?
So now I m the one

[vireshsaluja]

What To Do When Your Ex Ghosted You & After 1 Month I Begged Her To Talk To Me Which She Did But She Was Not Interested & Then Again She Stopped Replying To Me. What Should I Do?

[Hmurray]

I didnt message my ex out of needing to connect but I was simply checking something in our chat history for my coach and I accidentally sent a message rather than searching for the word. It wasnt lack of discipline just a genuine mistake. Does this still count as needing to start again?