zeus loves all his children equally

Original post:

Hephaestus voiced by River Kanoff:

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[zenxmizuki]

"oh you love all your children? name every one of them"
Zeus: *nervously sweating*

[Kosky]

*Zeus sweats nervously* “d-diabetes?”

*Dionysus angrily drinking his pain away*

[chaoschannel]

Zeus: "....and of course how could I forget my beloved son, Herpes!"

Hermes: *"Bitch."*

[moomosa]

Fun fact: Zeus is not even sorry about his preferences when it comes to his children. He doesn’t hide the fact that his favorite is Athena and that he’s disgusted by Ares’s brutality

[mutantmaster]

"I love all of my children equally"
You're the father of about 15% of the Roman and Greek

[atticusv]

“I love all my children equally, except for Athena, she’s my favourite.
None of you will compare, especially you, Ares.”

[kurcina]

Imagine asking him to name all the names of the childrens mothers

[rosebythecreek]

* Looks at smudge on hand *
* looks at smudge on wrist *
* the smudge goes does up his arm, down his side, then his leg, around his foot, then back up his leg again *

[cameronb]

Random ancient Greek person: "So who's your dad?"
Other random ancient Greek person: "I have no idea, which absolutely means it's Zeus."

[ronanhiggz]

"And I am extremely loyal and would never lay with another woman!"

[thisguyispeculiar]

"I love all my children equally! ares, athena, hepatitis, heracles..."

_Proceeds to list over a thousand demigods he gave birth to._

[mathewricafrente]

Zeus: I love all my children equally, but there are some children I love more than others

[JustinY.]

Technically you can love everyone equally if you don't love anyone at all.

[silomenezes]

Fun fact: this joke works even better with Ares as the last child, because during the Trojan war, Zeus pretty much said the only reason he doesn't kill Ares is because he is Hera's son.

[voidify]

Fun fact: the Wikipedia category “Offspring of Zeus” contains 110 pages.

Edit: I can no longer ignore the nitpickers! Blanket rebuttal: aside from the fact that this post was made for funnies so the exact number of pages in the category is immaterial, 110 was actually the exact number when I posted it in August 2020; check the wayback machine you silly nerds

[bored]

hey anyone remember that time when Zeus gave birth after burning one of his lovers to a crisp?

[slwtdvy]

At least he remembers Hephaestus, just look at all those other kids he never mentions

[veridian]

*_And like Lysanderoth I love all egghundred of my eggs equally too_*

[jackiethejackal]

Hephaestus isn’t zeus’s child in some versions. So there is another joke.

Zeus: son.
Hephaestus: I’m not your son.
Zeus: ...
Hephaestus: You’ve never heard that before?
Zeus: No and it feels weird.

[Shadoboy]

"How about Heracles, uh? HOW ABOUT HIM?"
"Shhh, don't mention him when your mother is close"