THIS Is The Secret To Pulling An Avoidant Out Of Limbo

The average advice you’ll typically hear someone say to 'pull an avoidant out of limbo' will usually be something along the lines of:
'Just give them space and wait for them to come around,'
or
'Be patient, they’ll open up when they’re ready.'
Now, I’m willing to admit there’s a grain of truth with this advice.
But here’s the thing: it's incomplete—and, honestly, frustrating for anyone who’s tired of waiting indefinitely for clarity that never comes.

[Bee-lpwj]

Stop focusing on the avoidant! Stop attempting to manipulate the avoidant to do what you want. Focus on yourself. Do you have an anxious attachment style? If so focus on yourself. Practice self love. If you love yourself avoidant behaviors will be a huge turn off.

[idkman]

"you can't put the sun in limbo, the sun doesn't care" what a quote 😄

[youtubeaccountserio]

No matter how secure you might become an avoidant partner will always make you anxious, the hot and cold the ups and downs will make you anxious, trust me guys, don’t fall for it, they don’t change

[LisaNEdwards]

I love your advice, if you’re your best self, the right person will come into your life and that maybe someone new, or the avoidant - but if they’re not doing the work, why do you want them? The best thing I’ve found is to be happy where you are, and not focus on an outcome but trust the higher powers that the best will always happen for you

[susmateja]

I appreciate the video, I have indeed done the steps you recommend to get my avoidant ex back, to my surprise it worked like a charm, but yeah, they didn't change, they just talk about how they want to change and how they have good intentions, I have been patient, loving, I have shown him consistency, it's sad - they will take it for granted. I would not try to do something like that again, it just prolongs the hurt indefinitely. Now I'm done, and in the process I have learned to respect myself and to expect being treated well and not taken for granted in return. Thank you.

[LadyMarigoldWithers]

My avoidant texted me after 6 months to say he misses me, I said I miss you too and to have a good new year. I can acknowledge that I still miss him while also knowing that he will not change anything and that we wouldn’t work out because he values his status as a ‘lone wolf’ so much that it’s his entire identity (he’s even said in the past that he feels like he’d be letting people down if he got into a relationship but I think he just likes to think he doesn’t need anyone because he perceives that as ‘weakness’) and he’s too frightened to take a leap and of the risk/change it would involve. The funny thing is I would’ve given him the world and his own space because I like mine too if I’d just known he had my back and that we were together. I’m sad about it but accepting of the reality and going to try and start dating again soon with much clearer rules for myself.

[viperb]

Everyone saying "don't be with an avoidant" don't take into consideration that they love bomb in the beginning, and it usually doesn't look like love bomb until you're attached and looking at it in retrospect AND it doesn't look like love bomb for them too. It was then genuinely trying to be/show love and then they got burnt out

[steffiekensley]

Comprehensive research and insight again! Thank you, Chris! It seems the more acquainted you get with yourself, the less it'll matter to you what the avoidant does or doesn't do. Ironically, that's often when the avoidant re-engages through a meme or something innocuous but by this time, it no longer provides you a dopamine hit that influences you to respond one way or the other. You've truly moved on in mind, body and spirit. The dopamine surge is permanently uncoupled from the avoidant and is primarily dependent on your own conscious choices, creating a better future and a brighter outlook for the rest of your time on this planet. ❤

[angeladee]

What Chris is saying is legit. Married to an avoidant mixed in with secure. I was anxious avoidant now fearful avoidant moving into secure. I left for a month this summer to work on a farm in Maine. Told him I needed to get myself back after the loss of my son and father. Made it about me getting my shit together. Yet when I planned the trip I was so over all the DA behaviors. I was questioning moving forward with our relationship. When my friend asked me, “Are you leaving to punish him or are you really doing this for you?” I thought about it and let all my fears go of potentially losing him, the anger and hurt from his behaviors and focused on my intentions for healing myself. He’s been a different person since I’ve been back. We are 60 and in a second marriage, such a diff dynamic than a lot of people here. But long story…to say, it worked. He’s more engaged and trying.

[fluffythebluepersian]

I'm never contactimg him again unless he initiates first. Im done feeling like im chasing and my energy isn't being reciprocated

[youtubeaccountserio]

Almost 3 months of no contact and slowly taking my life back, I know she’ll eventually come back one day but she’s not going to find me after leaving me the same day that my grandfather died

[constructiveinterference]

All I needed was knowledge!!! Now I feel feminine and magnetic. And I don’t think we will want our avoidants back. It isn’t worth the work even secure.

[maryellenjohnsun]

I walked away from an avoidant partner. The relationship drained me completely, physically, mentally, and emotionally. It took such a toll that I barely recognized myself. Leaving wasn’t easy, but for the sake of my mental health, I had no choice. I blocked him everywhere, yet he still finds ways to reach out, which is unsettling. I gave my all, pouring my heart into something that was never reciprocated. In the end, I stayed far longer than I should have, and that was my mistake. This was the hardest lesson of my life, and I hope I never have to go through it again. If you’re in a similar situation, know when to walk away, it’s just not worth it.

[saram]

DA HERE- you did an outstanding job describing me which is often not the case.

[eftsoulpath]

This is really a powerful video. I love how you’re encouraging folks to focus inside and surrender. Surrender is like mailing the letter. It always works. Thank you so much for your wisdom.❤❤❤

[RainbowBright]

This is a good one!! I'm glad that you pointed out that both anxious and avoidant can become more secure by being with a secure partner. I have said the same thing in the comments on other videos, but no one wants to listen to an avoidant. 😂 Attachment styles are most certainly fluid. With me it depends on my partner's energy. If they show up calm and collected then I'm not triggered. If they start showing up anxious and too emotional I don't get triggered, but I do want it far away from me. If you show up too avoidant and I care about you I will be triggered. If I don't then I'll be fine walking away or vice versa.

Honestly though, as much as I appreciate attachment theory and all of the information out there, sometimes I miss when we just dated and it either worked or it didn't. I sometimes wonder how beneficial it is for people to spend months or years focusing on their ex's attachment style. It would be put to better use if we focused more on our own so we show up better.

[whereswendy]

At this point, after 8 years, I just feel my ladt choice is to begin detaching and start finding myself in a new life on the road in a motorhome far away.

[SuzanneO]

An elderly close relative said to me " Space, space? More space to act like a goat, if you ask me.

[taniam]

I love the parables …. And just get on with your own goals; keep shining your own light. Be present to the moment.
So clear ❤

[andreheinrich]

I did exactly this… I completely shifted how I was acting. Instead of giving in into my anxiousness, when she ghosted me or treated me harshly, I was warm, loving, cheerful and made it into something we could laugh about.

Everytime we met, we had a wonderful time… good conversation, a lot of love, good sex, etc. but than, everytime… when she left, or I left, or we spend the night and woke up in the morning she got ice cold again… ignored me, wanted to leave, ghosted my messages, wrote with other man and went to the club with them… it was just hopeless so I broke up… and than she cried and said she wanted to move to me, she wanted to marry me 2025 and to have children with me in 2026… but it wasn’t the first time I heared it so I ended things.