reflecting on my autistic social faux pas

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[trustt]

“Usually my way of bonding with other people is to just let them talk about themselves” that one hit hard….

[garden.of.thistles]

"When you are someone with autism, you are an esoteric person; and esoteric means that you're not going to be understood by everyone, but you are still understood by a few people."

This video was so well done and made me feel less alone in my social struggles

[RuthMcDougal]

If I had a friend for every time someone I really liked said “I thought you hated me!” I would have quite a few more friends. People just thought I hated them. I thought it was shyness but it wasn’t really shyness. Just didn’t know how to connect and more than connect, I couldn’t sustain connections.

[Alice_Walker]

Thanks for sharing. My most common social faux pas has been turning up somewhere when someone has said to me "you should come along" and then almost immediately realising when I get there that they didn't actually expect I'd go, it was just a frivolous polite invitation. So awkward 🤦🏻‍♀️

[bethanythatsme]

Thank you for sharing this. I'm a middle aged autistic gal (late in life diagnosis) who has experienced this very kind of dynamic throughout life, both in school & in the workplace. The catharsis we feel when we share these experiences is so valuable.

[bicheandoconkaiko]

I couldn’t help but to sob the entire video. I felt so identified and I remember all those experiences so vividly. I always wanted to just “be like the rest”, and I tried. I really tried. Never worked and never undestood why. Now I’m 26, got my diagnosis 3 months ago and everything is starting to fall in place. Thank you so much for sharing.

[clivematthews]

It’s like even when you’re out of high school, those experiences still follow you

But I’m glad you’re at a better place in life, thank you for starting a YouTube channel, you’re SO relatable 🙏🏾💛

[tallyh]

Exactly my experience. I don’t understand why people react to us that way. It feels really good to know I’m not alone in this type of experience socializing.

[ethergnosis]

As someone who spent years in the hospitality industry. . . Thank you so much for sharing this.

[Half_LifeKitty]

How I realized I made a faux pas and how hard the "after the fact" realization strikes with its shame, condemnation, confusion, and self-doubt.

[margiecole]

Thank you for sharing your story. I totally relate. I discovered my autism at 75 years of age. I have made many, many social faux pas throughout my life. I love your channel!

[annienamaste]

1:55 Tears welled up in my eyes.
I have experienced multiple painful and traumatic friendship ruptures and rejections and not known why. I was diagnosed Autistic a few months ago and apparently it's so common for Autistic people to have experienced that that it was actually a question in the assessment 😔 I felt both very seen, and very sad for us. We deserve better.
Learning I'm Autistic has certainly had me looking back and realising things I might've done/said/not done, etc that weren't the social norm but didn't know at the time. It's been a lot to look back and see that. But I still don't think it's okay for friends to reject someone without explanation or apparent compassion. So deeply hurtful. But learning I'm Autistic has also profoundly helped me to hold myself in a grace and tenderness and self acceptance that I've never experienced before. Seeing after all these years, it wasn't my fault. It's also helped me shift on a fundamental level away from focussing on how others may perceive me and onto how I feel best authentically and honouring that, which is a liberation so new to me. Finding my Autistic feet as it were and stepping into those (..sparkly..!) shoes that I'm discovering fit me so well 💕
Sadly I am experiencing a friendship rupture right now and it's particularly poignant as it's my oldest and once dearest friend who seems to have stopped talking to me. It's heartbreaking because she knows how I have been through that trauma so many times before with other friends doing this, so it's very hard to understand how and why she would do this. But I see as we step into our true Autistic selves and align with our truth and authenticity, allowing ourselves to finally be ourselves and find our healing, those who aren't good for us will fall away from our lives and those who align and value and appreciate us come into that space as we finally find our people and ourselves. To not be just tolerated, but celebrated 💖🙏💕
Thank you Irene. You and your channel means so much to me 🧜‍♀️🦋

[makeda___]

The trauma you carry from so many of those social experiences is real but i’m the most inspired by folks who move similar to me and dgaf when people get tight or have fall outs from stuff like that. when i see ppl who move out of it unscathed it’s like seeing a real life superhero

[taylordurden]

Wow thank you Irene for your vulnerability. I've always struggled with friendships, especially with females. I've have several stories like this and never understand why things always ended up traumatic, life altering and just so confusing for me because I feel like I'm nice, supportive, loyal, funny, and never did anything wrong but yet every ends like this story you shared. Listening to you talk allowed me to think about my past situations and further break them down and see where there could have been an issue. I truly loved being able to walk through that experience you had and relate to it. It breaks my heart and is so frustrating to not be able to maintain friendship and I see other people around me with friends they've had for decades.

[zainaba.]

Honestly speaking though I may also at times have a hard time with some social interpretations and I am by no means the most socially skilled person ever out there but yet for your story,

I just see you as a mature person dealing with a bunch of majorly superficial and immature girls who do not share your values and temperament. They also seem to be massively insecure and seek their validation through clicks and severe lack of empathy.

Regarding the fact of you trying to help the girl and guy reconcile, you did the right thing trying to get them together (you had such a pure and good intention). The way they reacted is out of your control and they were not smart enough to know or sense why you were trying to do so or what your reasonings are.

From your story I am learning that maybe we could not be skilled enough to predict others’ behaviours, know how to protect our self and energy from damaging personalities and how to deliver our words in a non hurtful or negative ways. This is shared by way too many neurotypicals

[carolynmacdonald]

Also one time this lady with ASD and ADHD mentioned in an ADHD group I was in that female friendships were harder for her and she just didn't understand the social dynamic within female friends groups as easily. I chimed in that I agreed and I honestly also really struggled with that (especially in high school). And this other lady got very offended about it as if it was a betrayal of our own gender. Like throwing other women under the bus. Being a "pick me" girl. But I'm so far past that "pick me" thing. I've never really had that. I had a friend in high school who came off that way a bit, but now as adults I found out her older brother has ADHD and I suspect that maybe she does too. It's probably at the heart of why we got along in high school. In hindsight all of my friends in high school were either diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or they likely had one or both of those things. But at the time I didn't know I was neurodivergent. So I didn't know why I struggled so much with those relationships with other girls. And like you said, if there was ever an issue with a guy...I could just talk to him about it and it would be resolved usually. We'd be cool after. But if there was an issue with a girl it would become this big thing and it would have far reaching, lasting consequences. So there was definitely a difference. But as long as I befriended other neurodivergent women, I'd be fine. So it was not about internalized misogyny. It was all about that expectation of having these very finely tuned social skills. Being really in tune with how everyone was feeling and what they thought without hardly even having to ask. Having little grace for clumsiness and high expectations for anticipating people's needs, being very sensitive to people, and communicating effortlessly without having to have any of these unspoken social rules explained. I do find that pressure is higher with certain types of female friend groups. I always just considered them to be unreasonable and toxic people, though 🤣 I avoided those girls. But in adulthood in the workplace it's not always that easy. You're in close quarters and you have to try and get along. So those clumsy social skills really cause a lot more issues then.

[earthlingbella]

"Ill remember your zodiac sign, god Ill remember your dads zodiac sign. But names?" YESSS. Thank YOUUUU

[BasicTGirlVODs]

I’m only 11:46 in and you have literally just described my whole school life growing up. I’m tearing up bc that is exactly how I’ve always felt.

[exploringdimensionsall]

This happened to me a lot when I was younger. It was very painful and I never understood it. You helped shed light on something I've always wanted to understand, but couldn't. THANK YOU!

[makeda___]

i feel so seen in every video.. i just found your yt yesterday 😭 the whole coworker thing is something i’ve handled the same countless times. finding autistic friends changed my life even if i don’t get to see them often