5 Non-Binary People Explain What “Non-Binary” Means To Them

Here at Tinder, we believe that everyone deserves the freedom to live how they want to live and love how they want to love. Inclusivity is in our DNA.

From giving you the option to identify how you feel most authentic through More Genders to getting interracial couple emojis passed through Unicode, fighting for equality and representation is at the heart of what we do. And that’s why we’re particularly excited to bring you a new series that celebrates and turns the mic over to those whose identities don’t always receive the visibility and acceptance they deserve. We’re kicking it off by speaking with non-binary people about how they define the term “non-binary,” where they encounter challenges, their advice for allies, and what the future may hold. As Francois says, “Even though it’s 2019, it’s not something that everybody runs to be like, ‘Oh, you’re genderqueer, hugs and kisses, we love you still.'” But if you left it up to us, it would be.

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[rubyluisa]

your personality and fashion sense is not a gender

[BelieveSte]

Play it just call everyone "mate".... you're welcome.

[Samuels]

Just cuz you don't aline with gender stereotypes and expectations for your sex, that dose not make you a different gender or sex.

[kristinayordanova]

I personally feel that the more labels we use, the more we divide our society and create more distance from each other.

[rere]

But fashion isn't the same thing as gender

[Quickstrike]

I’ve been googling non binary stuff for the past few hours and I am absolutely beyond confused. I’m looking it up because I DO want to make an attempt to understand other people and who they are but I’m more confused than before I started looking it up. I feel bad but at least I’m making a genuine effort and not just judging and degrading these people

Edit: 356 replies later (trying to read all of them) didn’t help a lot :D. I feel I’m destined to just NOT get it. Sorry :(

[JosephJackson-yote]

I don’t get it when they say I feel like a woman or I feel like a man because there isn’t a feeling for any of them

[AJLovesMC]

I feel like a lot of them are using the terms “male” and “man” interchangeably, but correct me if I’m wrong…a (biological) male is a human-being born with male genitalia. You can’t choose your biological sex (male/female), but you can choose your gender identity (man/woman/non-binary). Personally, I don’t see why you’d need a different gender in order to express your individuality. I’ve always been a more feminine guy (probably cuz I’m gay lol), but I never hated being called a man. It’s so crazy how our current society places so much focus on how we “identify, ” but why does it matter if we are called a “man” or “woman”? They are just words that describe two types of human: one with male genitalia and one with female genitalia. Yes, we tend to perceive men as masculine and women as feminine, but no one said you can’t be a man and present as more feminine and vice versa. I didn’t mean to write an essay, but that’s just how I feel when it comes to gender identity. Sorry if I offended anyone.😅

[LordOwenTheThird]

Lord, give me the power to not look at the comments.

[AditiBose]

Not being a masculine man or a feminine woman doesn't mean you are a new gender. There is no cookie cutter definition of what traits a man or woman should be like.
It's called being yourself for a reason. Not being a stereotypical man or woman and saying that you are not a man because you like to wear dresses is just enforcing the stereotypes that you can't be a man and like dresses too.

[indakut]

I identify as nothing I'm not even here

[SummeRain]

I feel these people focus on the gender stereotypes even more. Who said women can’t wear pants without still being a woman? Masculine and feminine is not the same as gender

[jade]

My only problem with this video is that they kinda display non-binary folks as people who simply wanna be different or unique or just dress non-gendered. That's really not what it's all about. I liked Feng's way of explaining what non-binary is. It has nothing to do with clothing, makeup or just expression. I loved Feng's explanation.

[bullsquid]

To a degree, I relate to this. Even though I present male, "being a man" means nothing to me. It feels weird calling myself "cis", because that feels like an acknowledgment of a gender role I don't actually care about.
But since nobody questions my gender, and I'm fine with male pronouns, it just hasn't been a struggle for me.

[nowaynottoday]

I don't identify with paying income taxes

[saarkoene]

What I honesty don't get is this:

One the one hand these groups of people emphasize that gender stereotypes should be discarded. That wearing a dress doesnt make you less masculine and that not wearing make-up doesnt make you less feminine etc.

On the other hand they still use these stereotypes to say they dont belong to either gender. They say because they feel more male one day and more feminine the other, they do not belong to a gender.

But look, this is a contradiction. You cant oppose these stereotypes and then use them as an argument to make your point. It just doesnt make sense.

And besides, EVERYONE has fluctuating feelings about how feminine/masculine they feel. One day you in full disney-princess mode and the other you just wanna get your hands dirty. Its called being an individual...

Am I missing something here? Please tell me if I do. Because I honestly dont get this.

[Drinkyoghurt]

Wait, so now that I understand these labels they make even less sense to me than they did before. I’m a guy, born with a pp, but I have behavior that’s not “traditional” male. I don’t know why doing some stuff or wearing some colors/clothing would have to be gender specific. According to these people I’d be non-binary but nah I’m just a guy who likes some stuff that’s traditionally seen as something for women only.

[johnb]

You can challenge socital steriotypes of gender and still be a man or a woman, being non-binary isn't necessary. You can be a woman and feel feminine some days and masculine the next and still be a woman. Seems like non-binary is just a vocalization of challenging societal expectations and that's fine...but you don't have to "float" between genders because you are only reinforcing stereotypes by saying that's why you are non-binary. I don't think I will ever understand the reason one would classify themselves as something different in order to break a classification system, it literally has the opposite effect and honestly just creates confusion on how people should interact with you. If you want to be a man who wears makeup, tighter clothing, speaks with a softer voice....go for it, you can still identify as a man though, the moment you choose to run from that and be non-binary because you don't "fit" into what society sees as a man but also not what society sees as a woman you just foster an attitude toward accepting those stereotypes rather than challenging them.

[ballsoutballistic]

I’m more confused than before I watched this video

[MariaLaSister]

Simply put and I quote Prince's lyrics: I'm not a woman I'm not a man I am something that you'll never understand. You just are and that should be enough.