GETTING MARRIED in the USA vs. Germany | Feli from Germany

👉 Bridesmaids, rehearsal dinners, and wedding showers vs. Polterabend, discofox, and kidnapping the bride? Let’s talk about weddings in the USA compared to Germany!

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0:00 Intro
0:53 American Weddings
7:05 Legal Differences
9:49 Before the Wedding
14:23 Wedding Day
24:29 Fashion
26:32 Rings
27:30 Last Names
28:38 Statistics
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ABOUT ME: Hallo, Servus, and welcome to my channel! My name is Felicia (Feli), I'm 30 years old, and I'm a German living in the USA! I was born and raised in Munich, Germany but have been living in Cincinnati, Ohio off and on since 2016. I first came here for an exchange semester during my undergrad at LMU Munich, then I returned for an internship, and then I got my master's degree in Cincinnati. I was lucky enough to win the Green Card lottery and have been a permanent resident since 2019! In my videos, I talk about cultural differences between America and Germany, things I like and dislike about living here, and other topics I come across in my everyday life in the States. Let me know what YOU would like to hear about in the comments below. DANKE :)
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[FelifromGermany]

Huge shoutout to all the couples that let me use photos and videos from their weddings! *Which wedding differences have YOU noticed? Let me know in the comments below!*

[nejdro]

I married my German wife in 1964 in Darmstadt, Germany. I was an American G.I. We did indeed ge married in the Rathaus, and then had a religious ceremony in the American Military Chapel. One tradition I found interesting is that an engaged couple had to post their intentions to marry at the Rathaus for a couple weeks before the marriage. I also found it interesting that the Hessen Police actually checked for any criminal record of mine from back home in Chicago. Kind of ironic because I worked in military intelligence and had a Top Secret security clearance.
We also followed the German custom of not having an engagement ring, but rather wearing the wedding rings on the engagement hand until the wedding, where the bands were then switched to the wedding hand.
All turned out well and we were happily married for 50 years until her death 10 years ago.

[MrGrumpy]

I have seen American weddings where the couple spent an outrageous amount and then began married life deep in debt. Neither my family nor my wife's were wealthy and we didn't want anyone to have debt so we self-funded our wedding within our budget. We had a wedding/reception where we could give our guests (30 or so) individual attention. Still married 32 years later!

[Grecks]

German couple: Before getting married, my wife and I had known each other and lived together for about 10 years. Our son was nearly a year old when we had our wedding. He was also one of the reasons to finally do get married mainly because of the legal status (between parents and their children) but also because of the practical aspects (everyday things become easier if parents are married and both bear the same name as the child). We wouldn't need the marriage status for ourselves or to prove our love for one another; for us nothing much had changed by the marriage. Yet I do believe this was the right thing to do because it feels more committed and more official and even more natural to me.

[kenpobob]

Fili, my wife is Polish, about 30 years ago my cousin in law's wedding ceremony scarred and traumatized me forever (in a good way). It was in a small Polish rural village, we arrived from Utah the night before and I was sleep deprived. Upon arrival I discovered a circus tent set up for the visitors. The music, the cakes and sweets, the dancing, the vodka...and more vodka. The villagers found a place for me to sleep while the celebrants continued until sunup. I'll never be the same.

[hikingcook]

Kidnapping the bride is also a thing in Northern-Germany, not only Bavaria/Austria. Another (rather nasty) tradition is the "preparing of the home for wedding night": The couple's siblings prepare the house/apartment in order to hinder bride and groom getting into bed, - obstacle course! A bedroom filled up to the ceiling with balloons, yarn-spider-webs in the hallway, loud music from hidden speakers... It is shocking how creative siblings can be...

[peterrabbitn]

I am from northern Germany. And only one Polterabend I have been to did the burning of the trousers and nailing the shoes of the bride. One thing you have not mentioned but is more popular here is making wreaths for the door. So all the neighbours and family and friends come together in a neighbours backyard or at the house of the bride and groom (when they are not there) and all are creating a huge wreath for their house and most do a heart too to decorate the house and also show others that they have married.

[siggipreiss]

Feli, this is a great video about the differences between German and American weddings. I'm a former wedding videographer with experiences in about 450 weddings in Bavaria and about 70 weddings in California. One thing I liked in German wedding was the "Kuchenbuffet" with some weddings 20-30 different cakes baked by relatives. Since I filmed almost every Saturday a wedding, I gained to much weight.

[desperadox]

It's crazy how much money people spend for a wedding, especially in America.

[evanhooper]

I've been a photographer for a few weddings and OMG, it's so stressful. There's so much pressure to capture one of a couple's most important moments, so you can't mess up. You simultaneously have to able to capture any touching moments at a moment's notice, but also you have to try to be as unobtrusive and "invisible" as possible as to not distract anyone. Also, I'm sure you and Ben can attest to this, but editing so much (photos in this case) is A LOT of work. It's paid well, and I love seeing the gratitude and happiness from the couple, but I don't know if I could do it again.

[Der_Dolmetscher]

Getting married was the most stressful thing I‘ve ever done. We had three receptions: one in Munich (for my family), one in Wales (for my husband‘s family) and one in Switzerland (for our friends and colleagues). I‘m never getting married again!

My younger siblings and cousins also married foreigners and moved abroad, so I attended their weddings in Canada, France, the US, the Netherlands and Slovakia. This summer my cousin is getting married in Greece. I guess, I won’t be drinking the next two months, because come September, my liver will have to survive the three day ordeal.

[rafterwhomestead]

I attended a polish family wedding in Chicago. This was the first time I was at a first generation emigrant to the US wedding. The catholic wedding was nothing new to me, nor was the initial reception, but what was is that most of the attendees took a little break from the reception around 10:30 only to return after a quick nap and the party continued until sun rise!

[terrys]

I was a professional DJ for over 30 years in Los Angeles and Las Vegas specializing in wedding receptions for the last 20 years of my career. In that time I provided entertainment and coordination for over 400 receptions.
The reason that there’s generally a time limit on receptions in the US is because the catering staff has to be paid for the time that they’re at the reception and the employees also have other shifts to work and are required to have time to sleep between shifts.

If you want to see out-of-place wedding elements, go to a casino in Las Vegas on a Saturday and you’ll usually see at least one woman in a wedding gown sitting at a slot machine or gaming table!

[uribove]

Safiya Nygaard went HARD on her wedding learning multiple dances to show off an amazing opening dance. And i respect that

[Kietrich]

There are a few other American wedding traditions that might be of interest to you, Feli. In the Black American traditions, after the bride and groom is officially introduced to their guests, they will often jump over a broom. This tradition dates back to the days of American chattel slavery when the enslaved were not allowed to "officially" marry. This leap over the broom made their marriages official among the enslaved communities, even if they got sold away from one another. Today, Black American couples will use a decorative broom for this purpose.

Another tradition that is common at Black American weddings are group dances at the reception. There are three that are usually done as a group: the electric slide, the cupid shuffle, and the wobble. They are typically done in that order throughout the night because each dance becomes more and more taxing. These three aren't exclusive to weddings, but are used at most celebratory social gatherings such as cookouts, family reunions, and the like. 

Also, at some point, the group will form a "Soul Train" line on the dance floor. A "Soul Train" line is named after an old Black American television program called Soul Train. All of the dancers line up in two single file lines facing each other with a lane between the lines. Each dancer goes one-by-one down the center lane in front of everyone and does their own unique dance while the rest of the dancers cheer them on.

[vernieplummer]

I was worried I wouldn’t be interested in this video for the entire over 30 minutes, but it was just fascinating. Thanks for the info.

[Tinkerbe]

I grew up in Baden-Württemberg in Germany, and we have this bride abduction custom, too!
We also have a custom to pull a prank on the bride and groom in the room or apartment where they spend their wedding night. This already starts before the wedding with a competition between the couple and their friends - the couple tries to hide where they spend the night or at least get all the keys for this room, the friends try to find this out and get the keys. And usually they do. Once they found out, the friends do something in that room, while everyone is celebrating at the wedding, to create an obstacle for the couple which they have to overcome. Like wrapping the bed in toilet paper. I was at a wedding where we filled lots of plastic cups with water and placed them on the stairs in front of the couples' apartment, so they had to get rid of them before they could get into their room. The funniest prank I know of was done by my cousin at one of his friend's wedding. They just placed a movement sensor under the bed, and the couple thought their friends had not found out where they were staying or did not get the keys. But the movement sensor was connected to a paper or plastic stork with lightbulbs in its eyes, which stood in front of the house, where all the friends were gathering. And every time there was a movement in the bed, the stork's lightbulbs lit up and the friends cheered.
I have lived in the UK for some years, and was on a few weddings there. They are basically similar to the German ones. With wedding in a church and celebration somewhere else, and celebration until long into the night. But it was a lot more formal, with no funny games or pranks, like we have in Germany.

[katherinemurphy]

American here!

I got married when I was 30, and spent less than $10, 000 on my wedding. My husband and I knew very early on in our relationship that we wanted to be together indefinitely, but we didn't get engaged until 3 and a half years later, and then got married 2 years after that. This summer we are celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary. Our ceremony was on a Monday afternoon at a church, and it was pretty small: we had about 50 people total, and we each had two people in our wedding party. Our reception was at a favorite restaurant (which was opened just for us) and we played music on an iPod through their sound system instead of having a DJ. We didn't have any of the traditional first dance things, or someone to announce us as "Mr. and Mrs." but we did have a sweetheart table.

Thanks for the side-by-side comparison!

[karlschneider]

I went to a wedding in Dublin, Ireland and the pints and whiskey was flowing like water. The next day I barely remember getting back to my hotel!

[sewing]

About 20 years ago my wife and I attended the wedding in New Orleans. After the church ceremony the wedding party and guests all drove about 10 miles to the reception location. The line of cars was lead by multiple police cars that had their lights flashing. The police ran all the red traffic lights and even stopped traffic on an Interstate highway so all the wedding cars could stay together!