You're Being Gaslit By Generational Wealth

In our March video essay, Chelsea investigates two different realities splitting Americans down the middle: growing up with generational wealth, and growing up without it. So much of what we perceive as a "normal" American experience is actually the product of having a financially privileged family, and we need to talk about it.

Thanks so much to our interview guests, Paola and Sarah!

SOURCE LINKS:

00:00 Intro
02:46 Ad break
10:52 The privilege of being a kid
18:09 College: affirmative action for rich kids
27:49 The cost of making connections
34:11 How generational wealth ruins the housing market
40:02 When did childcare get so expensive?
48:15 Conclusion

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[sarak]

A few days ago, I got in a heated argument with a friend about traveling. She thought it was absolutely baffling that I could be well into my mid-twenties and still had never left the continent, and even accused me of having "nationalist" ideals that caused me to be afraid of foreign countries. I responded that no, I simply can't afford to take time off my job. Her response? "You could just get a job in another country. I got a consulting job and that's how I paid to be there. It's not like you need money to travel, you just need to work hard."

I don't know how to explain to her that getting a job in another country REQUIRES MONEY TO DO. The plane ticket, travel visa, food, lodging, etc. don't just appear out of thin air. People with privilege would rather accuse someone of having an inherent moral failing than admit that they grew up rich.

[Squishbiscuits]

Oh god. The “teeth and joint issues” really hit home. I grew up below the poverty line and clawed my way to “middle class” (through student loans mostly). I am the only person at my job that feels like their body is just falling apart. I’m getting my 3rd root canal soon because my family couldn’t afford dentistry when I was young and my wisdom teeth literally broke my molars coming in. Then, there was the fact that until my 20’s my diet was essentially just beans and rice, or beans and bread with kraft Mac as a weekend treat. I’m pretty sure I was borderline anemic until my 20’s when I got my first bloodwork done and the doctor put me on supplements.
Point is, I’m middle class now, but the damage was done and no amount of clean eating and yoga is going to undo growing up undernourished.

[nicoles]

Both my parents and my in-laws have mentioned being sad because they couldn't help us with a home down payment. We were like... the ONLY reason we could save to buy a home was because you guys paid for >75% of our college tuitions. We might not have a trust fund, but we got to start adulthood with basically a clean slate. And that's invaluable these days.

[victoriab]

Even as a teenager, so much of social life is dependent on wealth. Many teenagers at my school would go to town on the weekend, shopping and getting a meal in town. If you did not have the money for that, it was uncomfortable to try to maintain those friendships, because you would be forever unable to participate.

[Blandco]

It's so weird that my parents were clearly embarrassed that they had no money so they constantly told me that I was "spoiled" and I didn't deserve anything nice because I was "lazy". And yet at the same time they wouldn't allow me to work any job that would actually generate money in the area that I grew up because it was rural and they decided I needed go to college. So I took this insane schedule of working 10-30 hours a week while I was doing 15 credits a year AND on the college swim team (because they pressured me into that as well). I destroyed myself doing this ungodly amount of work while my parents were still angry at me that I didn't have a solid plan for anything. I was literally trying survive day by day. When I look back I can't believe how incredibly ignorant my parents are and how I could have easily had the skills to get an amazing career starting with working with my hands. I was never lazy until I got absolutely burnt out and started dealing with health issues.

[BellaOConnor-mt]

THANK YOU for this! I was invited on multiple vacation trips this year by my friends, and I had to decline each time. One friend approached me asking if I was trying to distance myself from her and couldn't believe she didn't realize that I simply cannot afford these things! Like, how much are you guys making????

[Spiritfba]

I’m a house cleaner and a single parent. Every day I’m exposed to the privileges that my children don’t have and it’s painful. I wish I would’ve thought about and known all this in my early 20s. Another benefit of being raised in a wealthier family is having parents who teach you things. My parents just… didn’t.

[jaimicottrill]

One of the best comments I heard was during covid when rich people were putting out videos of them having mental breakdowns in their huge houses, or clapping videos for healthcare workers while saying "we're all in this together" and "we're in the same boat". The comment said something like "we are all in the same storm but while some of us are in a leaky rowboat, others are in a fairly comfortable boat that has a good chance of weathering the storm, and still others are in a mega yacht that barely feels the storm at all". That is what wealth, especially generational wealth feels like. You see the storm outside and think that since you are in it too that other people must be going through it the same.

[Deszigames]

My cousin and I had a discussion about this not too long ago. He is a Notre Dame graduate and has a masters from Wharton and manages a hedge fun for context and comes from a wealthy family. We started talking about wealth inequality and how the middle class was getting pinched and he simply says "Well, most of these people don't know how to save money properly and that's why their poor." Like, WHAT?! It's astonishing how much these people are oblivious to the struggles of people outside their circle of privilege.

[foreverangelxoxo]

i remember the shock i felt when my high school best friend and i were talking about the 2008 financial crisis. I said it deeply affected my family and she said that it affected her too and her dad had to sell one of the family businesses. I then realized how different we were.

[PleasantRevolt]

Generational wealth was the difference for me between staying in an abusive relationship, and being able to leave and live with my parents for a few months while I figured out how to manage on one income. I feel so incredibly grateful that while they couldn’t pay for my college or help me in other ways they were able to provide safe harbor when I needed it most.

[dameazize]

I also think that "generational wealth" can be less direct than "your parents are well-off". For example, my parents weren't what I would call "comfortably middle class" (i.e. they didn't worry about bills) until I was in high school, but both of them grew up in stable, middle class(ish) households and knew how to navigate systems to get my brother and I into good schools and have a lot of opportunities. Also, several of my aunts are VERY wealthy, and looking back I know that if my parents ever had issues my family would have never been on the streets and in fact would have had a lot of support. The community safety net is huge, and something I've only really appreciated after seeing so many people who don't have it even if they are in the same socio-economic class and just and skilled and smart as me.

[nitradee]

I remember a guy in college saying it’s not fair that some people get to receive Pell grants and government student loans because his parents paid out of pocket for his education. I looked at him like he was crazy!! My mom would’ve LOVED to afford to pay for my college out of pocket, but she could barely make ends meet.

[Eccovi]

I felt gaslit from both sides 😭

I had a weird experience with this phenomenon, my dad grew up in a broken family in 1970’s Detroit—so it felt like we couldn’t complain—but at the same time my dad put us in a wealthy school district bc he wanted us to get a good education and I was surrounded by wealthy kids and I had no conception (still rlly don’t) of what my upbringing was really like compared to others. I felt poor at school and went home to a dad that always pulled the “I grew up with nothing, do I not make sure you have shoes for school and food to eat??!” Def impacted me DEEPLY and still does as an adult…

[mzzzzzzday]

I didn't realize this was a thing until I turned 25 and started talking to my 50+ year old coworkers. Their parents funded so much for them, and they fund so much for their adult kids.

[TheBerserk]

I (European) work in marine industry and had a conversation with my American colleague about our healthcare and education. He asked me, why I was so content with paying so much taxes to “subsidize” the expenses of others. I explained to him that I grew poor and would not be here if I did not have access to high quality free education so it is only natural for me to give me back. But even if I grew rich, I would still gladly pay if that means more people can improve their lives because this way the whole society benefits. He just could not get it.

[makayla]

as a low-income kid who went to an elite university on 100% financial aid, I relate so very much to the lack of “impressive” awards, extracurriculars, internships, and so on vs my peers because I was simply ✨working✨ in HS

[valeriekerr]

My parents were not rich, but they let me live at home after college, pay off my student loans, and attend graduate school. It helped me soooo much. Even middle-class parents are a help.

[janek]

I’m so invested reading everyone’s POVs in the comment section. I also finally have a term or way of describing my own financial literacy’s origin. I remember a friend asking me how he should go about learning finance, and I was honestly a bit stumped about how exactly to explain. While a lot of knowledge I gained from videos and reading, I now realize that a large part of my being able to start and experiment was because I had no psychological barriers surrounding it and a safety net should things turn south. It reminds me of a quote I read somewhere along the lines of “the biggest difference between those with and without wealth is the opportunity of a second chance”. That along with being able to ask my dad and those in the field were how I was even able to differentiate the truth from the various videos online.

[veroxx]

Now imagine seeing the difference in classes in the same family. I am the eldest daughter of three and I grew up in a middle to low class household. I had to see my parents struggle everyday, working their ass off so they can pay off the mortgage, afford food, pay off debts. I had to learn from a young age how to be financially responsible to be able to reach the end of the month with “at least some money”. And then the situation got much better and years later my siblings were born, with my family being in an upper middle class. I’m grateful that my siblings didn’t have to see the ugly side of my parents when they were struggling but sometimes I wish they could experience it😅 My sister especially can be very out of touch and greedy regarding money and financial struggle.
Experiencing both sides made me very conscious about the privilege that I have but also the amount of work it takes to get into a better financial position. It was tough but I’m forever grateful