It's Anti-Community to Not Allow People to Help You.

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#permaculture #foodforest #earthcare #peoplecare #fairshare #garden #sustainableliving

[LordMondegrene]

Forcing "care" on an unwilling person is not caring, it's attacking them... so the attacker can feel like a good person. Creepy.

[SyKnife]

I understand what you’re saying here. I have an 80 year old neighbor who offered to drive me to the laundromat instead of getting an uber. I knew him, but just to say hello. I said okay and he told me that it gave him something to do to help his friends and his family. ❤

[CandraCosplays]

You have a great therapist. I'm so bad at accepting help. Mostly because people that helped me held it over me and expected me to be ok with abuse later.


But I never ever thought of this

[NoKidsNoProblem]

There have been people who told me that they wanted to help me but what they were really trying to accomplish was convert me to their religion. I will never accept that "help"

[Vio-otft]

I don't think we owe others this. I get to choose whether or not I need or want help, or what kind of help that would be. If you need or want help, great; if you're fine and don't want it, it's totally acceptable to politely decline.

[aranyanigreen]

It is also anti community to be forced to heal other people's issues by accepting whatever form of care and help they want to enforce upon you.
My life, my boundaries.

[halasalready]

I’m the person that always helps others. I was the strong one and didn’t need help. My mom explained to me in my 20s that I was robbing them of their blessings. I feel good when I help people and it makes me happy……….it is the same for them when they want to help me.

I’m grateful that my mom taught me that relatively early in life.

[glcostin]

🙋🏻‍♂️ as a 62 year old man who’s been on his own since 17, and married at 20 (almost 41 years now next month), I’ve been guilty of this most my life. But I’m still working on it, and I’ll need it soon as I continue aging.

[robinlgood]

I’m a ‘boomer’ 66 yrs old. I’m not angry. I like your posts. But that is good advice from your therapist. We’re all still learning. ❤

[visualthinking]

I learned this when I bought my condo in 2012 and asked friends to help paint. First, I just enjoyed the heck out of painting together. Second, I saw how it deepened our connection and how they felt more at home in my home. It was truly lovely. And important for this hyper independent gal.

[tomdonahoe]

@ParkrosePermaculture
Boomer couple here. You are one of our favorite content creators because you are making a difference it motivates us to make a difference as well.

[victoriaconner]

It’s anti community to not help people and leave them abandoned which is why people usually end up self reliant and not as accepting of help

[Asongbook]

Between the peer group abuse, being in a friend circle of terminally busy people, and being The One Who Gets It Done, I've learned never to ask- there is no help.

[libbyt]

I won’t apologize for my whole generation, but I will say I have loved what you have shared that I see. You are helping me stay in touch with information I feel like I need to know. Knowing when to help can be tricky especially in a tradition of not asking.

[rochellebroglen]

Maybe about 15 years ago, I ran out of gas. I coasted into a local park, where I encountered two young Mennonite couples. I explained my dilemma and asked if they could take me to the gas station. Without going into the entire story, it ended up being a 40 minute ordeal. At the end, as one of the young men was putting gas into my car, I tried to give him $20. After refusing it the second time, he said "please don't take my blessing".

It was very touching and gave me a new perspective. At the time, I really struggled to accept help. Well, I still do. But, since then, I've had the opportunity to feel wonderful about helping, caring, and giving. So I suppose, if my need can give someone that same feeling, I'll swallow my pride and try to graciously receive.

[MelindaPlainandSimple]

I told my older sister this 30+ years ago. If you feel good after helping others, why are you being selfish and not allowing others to have that good feeling too by helping you? She was shocked by my enlightened perspective. She saw asking for help when you need it as being weak. Especially if she was the one who needed help.

I tend to not ask for help from anyone other than my husband. Not because I think it's weak, but because I don't want to inconvenience others and I fear that no one will help or they will grumble about it if they do. But I know that's my own baggage learned from childhood. Fear of rejection.
So when I need to ask for help, I remind myself of what I told my sister all those years ago. And when someone offers help that I don't necessarily need, but won't cause harm, I remind myself of what I told my sister.

Think of it as your good deed. Let others help. We can't complain about selfish, uncaring people in our society if we don't allow people to pratice giving, sharing, and caring.

But I will add... boundaries are important. Don't let people use you, abuse you, or invalidate you or your needs in deference to theirs whether you are helping or needing/being helped. It took me a long time to unlearn what I learned in doormat school.

[fmcscarkenlife]

A guy once said something similar because he thought he should be entitled to my body after helping me. That was my final straw.
I refuse to let ppl help me now because I believe most have a selfish ulterior motive that I now owe them.

[Elizabeth-bi]

Thank you for sharing. You make is all better people.

[AM-yiqb]

A byproduct of my neglectful upbringing resulted in me being hyper independent. It finally clicked how harmful I was being towards my friends by refusing to let them help me. I would be give happily but wouldn't allow them to give back to me. Not realizing how guiltly that makes a person feel.

[TheAnimalsMagicShop]

Often times helpful people are not really helpful. For example, a lot of times people will give you advice based on their own experiences and not what you need and if you take that advice, it would actually hurt you.