I fell off the wagon

ON ME

*CHAPTERS*
00:00 → Intro
01:12 → How it happened
06:48 → Why it happened
08:29 → What happened
10:52 → Thoughts
17:07 → Starting over
18:14 → Reflections

*****************************************************************

If you shop through my links and use my codes, _my channel makes a commission._ It's a great way to support me if there's something that you are happily planning to buy! But please remember to shop responsibly 🤍

*****************************************************************

_FTC disclosure: This post contains affiliate links, which means I may receive a commission for purchases made through some of the links. This video is not sponsored!

*****************************************************************

*THANK YOU FOR WATCHING AND BEING WONDERFUL!!!*

[Highlyhazel]

Speaking from the point of view of an alcoholic who has been sober for 5 years (which is not super long and not exactly what you speak of I know) abstinence has been the only way for me. The people I’ve seen dabble in moderation usually do wind up having trouble getting back and staying away from the shame spiral. It’s really a key quality of addiction. I’m not implying anything about you and addiction I’m just saying not to feel bad l as the framework for these endeavors is pretty solid and similar for a lot of people.

[debrawells-hopey]

"The cleansing fire of total abstinence." Only on Hannah's channel will one hear a turn of phrase like this in relation to beauty and fashion 😂❤❤

[marionagnew]

LOL: "But Tuesday is kind of like Friday, right?" OH HOW I'VE BEEN THERE!

[melanierimmer]

I think you hit the nail on the head when you described the stroppy teenager wanting their own way. It sounds like the inner child was feeling neglected and, as always happens eventually, demanded attention. This happens to me when I’ve been adulting too much and not given myself enough time to ‘play’ - that is, to be myself away from the demands and expectations of others. Alongside asking yourself whether the thing you want to shop for can wait, you might also want to ask yourself what message your inner child is sending you - which of your needs are you neglecting, and can you meet them in a way that is healthier than shopping?

[shanthathippaiah]

Speaking from a shopaholic point of view (I've gone through these), I'd say there's two phases. The first, as you pointed out, is total abstinence - you realise things are crisis-mode, and the fear of that sobers you up into total abstinence. That can go along well, as long as the crisis mode and resultant fear persists, you and abstinence can play well together.
The second is post-crisis mode. You are now out of the crisis mode (financial or so ial or personal), your abstinence has pulled you through, and as a result, your fear is gone, or greatly lessened. Now, you try to relax the rules, instead of continuing to abstain, because despite your fear during crisis-mode, it was never your intention to abstain for life, only till the crisis passed.
And this is when the slip-up happens. The fear that was keeping you in check is no longer doing its job. There is nothing to stop you from sliding, except your rules - which is not sufficient motivation - because the rules are logical and your mind isn't always listening to logic. Your mind is especially chaotic when it is highly stressed. There is only two things that can happen now - you continue to slip up now and then, until crisis-mode returns again, or you figure out what is stressing you so much that you have to figure out an escape from it via mindless activity. Whether you buy less or more isn't really the issue (until crisis mode of course), but addressing the cause of stress really is the issue. It's different for everyone, so you're right in not sharing it to the world. But for yourself, until and unless that cause is met, understood and dealt with, nothing can change. For me, it was being in the wrong field of work which was meaningless to me. For some one else, it might be a toxic family relationship, for a third one, it could be lack of meaningful relationships.
Some of us are incredibly good at crisis-mode handling, and that's a survival skill - we perform better under threat.
But it's the post-crisis phase that is sneaky - when our will-power has no fear to drive it from behind.
Post-crisis mode will work only on reward-driven will power. Those rewards have to be powerful - magnificent ideas that pull your will-power to work. I won't go into what they are - they are really individual, and different for each.

If anyone still thinks the shopping itself is the issue, that's just the crisis-mode thinking. That is a hard one, but what comes after is much harder.
You can figure it out though. Yes, it's a process, you are right. The process has to be driven by an idea of yourself that's big - much bigger than what has been used so far.

[sarahbeekman]

I took DBT classes which is a type therapy. What you described (the teenager taking the wheel) we call Willfulness. It’s like a “f*ck it” reflex kicks in and we refuse to consider obeying the grown up inside of us. I have been on a no buy since the beginning of the year and I too have fallen off the wagon due to this Willfulness. Good thing we can start over whenever we want, and for me that time is today. Here’s wishing willingness to you, my friend 💛

[Miliregretz]

You're wondering if falling of the wagon is part of the process when one is making changes. The answer is: yes, it very much is!

Change is very much a circular process, that begins with contemplation and can end with maintenance, but more often than not finishes with relapse and continues back into contemplation (according to Prochaska and Diclemente's model of the stages of change).
We use this at the forensic psychiatric hospital i worked at (as a nurse), most of the patients were battling addictions. The key is, we never expected the patients to just decide, quit and then maintain, because that's an oversimplification of what can sometimes be a lifelong cycle of quitting and relapsing. The important part is forgiving and learning, so it seems youre already doing very well.

Stay compassionate and go easy on yourself, it's all part of the process!

[QuickSilverHair]

My mom has this saying and I find it always allows me to forgive myself when I go back to something I’m trying to leave or quit: sometimes you have to go back to find out why you left.

[bryonyvaughn]

This reminds me of a meditation practice. The point isn't not focusing, emptiness, or lack of distractions. The point is REfocusing amidst distractions, REemptying amidst clutter. It's the bringing the mind back that builds the strength. With no outside (or inside) temptations & distractions, the meditation practice wouldn't be strengthening us and giving us the benefits we seek.

[HighPointAframe]

As someone who really hates small talk. I LOVE your channel! Thank you for speaking about deep, meaningful things.

[blendofdays]

As someone who has 20 yrs of sobriety this coming August, I feel like I'm somewhat qualified to speak on the topic of addiction struggles. For me, compulsive shopping is 100% an addiction. It's the "rush" that I get. I have successfully done a no buy (with replacements only) twice now. One from Sept 2020- Feb 2021 & most recently from Oct 2022 - Feb 2024! Notice a pattern with Feb being when I break it? My birth month. I end up with the urge around my birthday because what better time? 😅 it's a trap I'm trying to coax myself out of! I recognize it & that is the first step. I'm back on my no buy... For now. I try to be gentle with myself & also proud of myself for recognizing the issue.

[brendamunguia]

I confirm myself as a fan of this channel due to the mix and perfect balance in content between beauty, aesthetics, emotions and human behavior, balance between the superficial and the deep. And more than the videos themselves, I would like to say that I love coming to read the comments. What a beautiful community you have created, full of sensitive and intelligent people. What a treat. Un abrazo con cariño desde Guadalajara ❤

[wlammyever]

Fell off the wagon too, 11 days ago and spent over 300 bucks that took me many months to save 😢 Today is day 2 of being back on the wagon, and yikes it’s HARD

(Doing a no-buy to beat a shopping addiction)

[King_Kuromi]

Hi Hannah! I’m a psychotherapist, and I’m loving this description you’re sharing of your inner world. The teenage part that just wants their way and wants relief, the wise adult who wants to follow through on this commitment to yourself—it’s beautiful, really cool stuff. Are you familiar with Internal Family Systems (IFS)? It’s a modality of therapy that facilities conversations and connections between all of the different parts of one’s self. I share this because it makes me so curious about that teenage part you’re describing, and sounds like you’re already doing some of this work intuitively (-: Really enjoying this series! ❤️

[carolhathaway]

Hmm, generally, behavior is communication; communication with ourselves, with others, or both. So, as a retired therapist, I would ask, "What does your teenager part need?" What is it trying to communicate? When you did a "no-buy" year, it was just a year. But you're now trying to change a behavior on a more permanent basis; I do hope you consider the deeper roots of the shopping behavior. In doing so, you may create a greater chance for success. Best wishes

[amydement.]

Thank you for emphasizing the Begin Again aspect. We all falter, but we only fail when we don't begin again.

[MrsZhang]

Really appreciate the transparency in this video. Online shopping and its addictive qualities are so taboo. Thanks for being so honest about your struggles with it.<3

[kalindabittner]

There's something powerful, I've found, in going back to old habits after switching to healthy ones and realizing how *bad* they make me feel. When I'm in the bad habit, I can't always see it; and when I'm in the healthy habit, there's this way that it can disappear and become the new normal, and then you're left saying "what was *really* so bad about that old habit, it's fine isn't it?" Mostly I'm thinking of this in terms of food, like sugar and alcohol, but it's also been true for me with phone games and spending too much time on YouTube. I easily forget how down and bad I felt when engaging in mindless scrolling or eating lots of sugar until I've taken some time away and get the shock of 20-30 minutes on my phone or eating handfuls of jellybeans and looking up with the stark realization, "wow, I feel terrible!" In that way, there's nothing quite as motivating for me as falling off the wagon. Wishing you luck as you restart your project!

[kimfeddema]

My therapist pointed out recently that we often default to the familiar when we are stressed by change. Recently I was neglecting a lot of responsibilities and things i do that I know are good for me and had that inner teenager saying i just wanted to do what I felt would make me happy in the short-term. She recommended to switch the framing away from "i need to X" or "I have the rule to X" to "its better when I X " so that i don't trigger that rejection. It reminds me that ultimately I'm doing those things to take care of myself, and that will bring me long-term joy and fulfillment.

[Lillypad]

“This is a good time to start again.” I love this. I was on a no-buy/low-buy this year and totally broke my rules this past month. I know why I did it. It was the teenager coming out just wanting things to make up for feeling a lack of love and belonging. I felt that rush of excitement when I purchased a luxury bag I’d been eyeing but decided this wasn’t the year to get it. The anticipation built and built, I told myself I’d add to cart but not purchase it but before I knew it, I watched my disembodied thumb click “submit order”. I immediately felt such a sense of relief, peace, and calm, almost as if I had just done something good that I could be proud of (similar to the feeling I’ve had when I’ve summited literal mountains). I found that interesting - it was so hard to buy the thing because of my rules, that actually accomplishing the buying felt like a genuine accomplishment! Even though it broke my rules. I no longer feel that sense of peace and calm, but also don’t feel regret or guilt. I feel a bit devoid of any feeling. So I’m sitting with that and looking forward to starting again.