Strategies to Help Clients Who Feel “Never Good Enough” – with Steven Hayes, PhD

Ever notice how some of your most highly skilled, successful clients often find themselves burnt out and unsatisfied?

That no matter how much they achieve, feelings of inadequacy leave them believing that they’re just “never good enough”?

To help them move out of this belief, one critical first step can be getting them to identify what’s driving it.

In the video, Steven Hayes, PhD walks through his work with a client to help her do just this.

[JBaxter-pioj]

If I'm correct I think the strategy employed was to extend compassion to oneself. We don't have to prove ourselves worthy of anything. We are worthy of being loved and not judged just by being ourselves. Of course, we have to be that person for ourselves first and foremost. Compassion in how we approach everything is the starting point. Instead of "I look terrible" see the wonderful being you are. Instead of "I'm no good at my job, etc" -once again, see your own strengths. I believe that's what this gentleman was saying although he did seem very emotional on this subject.

[blackbird]

Look at yourself from the outside, in the instances where you felt judged. Hurt. Harmed. Made to feel small. Think of you as someone else. What would you do to help them? Now do it for yourself. Would you make them some tea. Listen to their feelings. Give them a hug? Let them rest. Reassure them. Then do it for yourself. You know that someone else is worthy of love. You know that everyone else is good enough. You dont see anyone else in that light. Stop putting yourself there. Stop telling yourself things will end badly if you dont do everything you can to impress people. Instead think I'd like to do this to impress myself. I'd like to do this for me. Because i love me. Id like to do this because I want to feel better. Not for anyone else. Treat yourself like that small scared child you were when you were younger and had the trauma. Care for yourself the way someone shouldve care for you back then. I could do with using this exercise more often. It would help me process alot while also forming good habits.

[duytdl]

I'm not sure I follow. So, this woman is highly competent and dresses sharply. Which apparently all just a compensation for the fact that she feels like she's not good enough? Why is this being scrutinized? Like, it's not a bad thing to be competent and looking nice, right? If the outcome is good or desirable, why try to "fix" whatever the cause of that might be? Clearly whatever "never feeling good enough" is, it's actually benefiting her in her life.

[BBFCCO]

I think she's in the wrong profession! If you know how to help your clients, why would you feel not good enough? That "bar" was used in the past but today's society is more accepting. She needs to accept herself and that means maybe she is not meant to be in a competitive environment.

[MaithiliKulkarni]

Speaker seems to be under immense stress!!