I'm not queer | My struggles with the Gay Community

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[ecoron]

As a gay man who enjoys working on cars, home improvements, etc., I just consider these my hobbies and intersets and ones that anyone can enjoy (not male hetero-normative activities), The gay community is diverse and we are just part of that diversity!!

[Not-Ap]

If it's any consolation your not alone in feeling this. I think many have felt this way and simple have never participated in mainstream gay culture.

[akraen]

Come to Norway! My husband and I moved here after the constant whiplash in the US (we lived in many states: SC, VA, IN, PA, traveled all over too). The reason we're here is we're just people and we wanted to be around people who just treat us like people. We hike, have a small farm, enjoy our monogamy, aren't super extroverts. I was in the closet until 28 because I simply never wanted to be associated with flamboyance, I couldn't line myself up with the way it was portrayed. I don't judge others, but all the damn stereotypes were just never for me (or for my hubby, which is one big reason we clicked immediately). Once I traveled to Europe I recognized it's a much, much wider umbrella we are all under. The US has a very weird way of streamlining cultural norms and creating outgroups even in the 'communities' that are supposed to be helping those outgroups. For that reason we just couldn't see a future for us there.

But yeah, in the US we've had the red carpet rolled out, free ice cream, creepy applause from strangers because we're holding hands. We've also been spat at, preached to, heckled. In our little farming island in Norway though nobody has ever blinked an eye, we never imagined just being part of society in a way that isn't propped up, no expectations are set, and no judgement levied.

Interesting how YouTube put your video up on my recs, I see it's a year old, but just wanted to send some good vibes out your way and hope you don't feel completely alone. I've always figured there are tons of us, we're an iceberg, we go unnoticed until we're paired together in public. But we're here, we're not particularly queer, and we're just spreading good cheer <3

[nathanielleeson]

I feel ya. I'm just a gay man that's it. I'm not Queer lol. I'm gay.

[marth]

Thanks Matt. Every word you said rang true with me. I’m exclusively attracted to the same sex. I always was and I always will be. I’m not queer. Everything else is just “stuff” and I find very little to relate to in it. And my sense is there are many many gay men who feel the same.

[jayg]

Honestly there's nothing wrong with not identifying with "queer culture" tbh I feel like implying that there is queer/gay culture is counter productive.

Let me explain, there isn't one queer/gay experience so to define our entire culture around one type of experience is a false narrative.

Don't worry about fitting in any box. There's def. A larger conversation to be had on the subject but I'll be brief, this is an internalized desire for external validation which is a poison instilled in our society. Again a much larger conversation to be had on the subject.

Just be yourself and don't shame others for their lifestyle and interest.

You are "normal" but there's nothing wrong with being "abnormal" either, as long as you're not hurting or violating anyone else's autonomy.

[sonicxisever]

I feel like I'm looking at a mirror of myself when I watch your videos haha I don't feel like I fit into the gay try to go to gay spaces (bars, clubs) but I don't really like the drag races, i dont wear makeup or paint my nails, I've been to pride parades but I feel misrepresented because most people are half naked. I don't consider myself flamboyant or sassy...I'm just a man who likes men. I've always felt like a misfit whenever I said I dont watch rupaul or didnt know any gay slang...the gay community has to remember being gay is not a monolith and we are all different. Some of us like sports and drink beer, , , , some of us like to read...etc.

[amber]

I’m a bisexual woman and I feel this so deeply.

[Frichilsasta]

I totally get it. I used to be fearful of stereotypical gay behavior, and trends...and sayings, and I was fearful because ultimately was uncomfortable with my sexuality.

Now, years later, I'm comfortable with who I am, but these stereotypical things are still somewhat foreign to me and don't feel like I belong. Often, I feel alone within gay spaces...because our sexualities don't necessarily mean we have anything in common. I almost feel that I have to act a certain way or say certain things just to fit in.

I know how you feel. As long as you're comfortable with being gay, and it doesn't stem from a place of self-hate, you should continue being yourself. You're not alone.

[majerelynn]

Man I am so happy I came across this video. I was really feeling like I am the only person that feels this way. I am 51 and I've always felt like there is so much about the gay community that I haven't matched up with. I don't like to drink myself stupid. I don't like using drugs. I don't like lots of sex with some random person I care nothing for. When I've told people how I feel about it, they always give me this look and say, "Really?!". It's always made me feel like I'm an outsider in my own community. I feel like the most I have in common with the gay community (besides Drag Race) is the fact that I'm sexually attracted to guys.

[tinysolarshack]

Hey Matt I get it. I was raised on a farm. Always done guy stuff and am attracted to guy in general. I knew when I was 5 that I was different I just didn’t have a name for it. I don’t fit well in the “Queer community “ either.
Ya I love to cook or grill now and then, laundry no big deal. Drag and club stuff not very often if ever.
You are not alone. I think it’s hard to find other guys like us in this current culture. Nerdy/techie, mechanical/ masculine doesn’t seem to be the online vibe.

[tastywitchbuns]

I actually really needed to hear this 💜 not all of us gay men make being gay our entire lives and who we are. Being gay is the least interesting thing about me honestly....wish others could get that lol

[VOLTRAR]

Speaking as a gay guy myself I can relate to you with this Matt. I feel every person that comes out has their own journey with self defining what queer means for them. You don't necessary have to fit into the typical gay culture that is currently out there. Being a gamer or "Gaymer" I tend to be more incline to have hobbies that often don't fall into typical queer scene and sometimes get the sideeye from others for it but that is okay since that part of me is an extension of myself. My point is that you are not alone with these feelings as many others in the comments have said. All the best man. 😁

[Jake-gogo]

Most people think I’m straight. But I’m gay as shit. I wished there were more gay men like you and me out there.

[stuff]

I’m a really femme lesbian and I have felt like an outsider in the lesbian community since forever. I never had a tomboy phase, never played with boy toys, never cut my hair. I’ve always loved dresses, sparkly things, Barbies/Bratz, I enjoy makeup.. all that. It took me a very long time to figure out that I can be ME in any possible way and still be gay.

[jaronbalderes]

I've never watched one of your videos except for this one. I used to be like you; I never thought I could fit into gay culture, but I moved to a large city and experienced it in all its forms. The nice thing is that gay culture isn't really "one" thing. It is expansive and is always changing.

[dixiechatty]

I am considerably older than you but I have felt similarly from time to time. In the 70's I was not a big fan of disco and took a lot of heat for it. In something a little more up to date, I watched the first season of Drag Race and thought it was OK but thought it got boring and repetitive so I no longer watch it. There have been other instances along the way. Try not to concern yourself with it too much. Don't spend a lot of time trying to fit in. Just be yourself. It will make you much happier in the long run.

[DanielSelk]

I totally get this, dude. It sucks that there's this thing out there that you "have to" be certain things in order to be gay. I'm not into the bar or club scene but many gays "expect" me to be, stuff like that. I avoid being part of LGBT things myself. Not saying those things are wrong either, but it's not ME. I just want to be an actor and live well in my life and be happy =)
I'm not someone who's like anyone else cause I want to be ME. And I am unique and don't need to change myself to fit in anywhere.
Stereotypes I feel have made a negative impact on our community cause many of the LGBT are not the stereotype at all.

[Crazywryter]

Hey Matt! It's ok to feel how you feel. Just because they do rainbows and sparkles, doesn't mean you have to being part of the community. Shoot, I'm a drag queen and don't particularly care for rainbows all that much. Thank you for sharing. I would hope that you don't feel alone or that you don't fit in the queer community or if it makes you feel less gay than what you are.

[Jojoloon]

Matt, I can say, because I align the same way that you do, you're definitely not alone. Finding yourself is one huge process. Feeling like you have to categorize yourself is the worst; people who try to bundle others into a "group" just to satisfy some "norm" are vile. In the end, you're the only one that can decide who you are, or want to be. It's been a struggle trying to accept this and are still trying. Don't let the world change the light you have inside of you.