7 Questions Women Probably Don't Want to Answer

"How much do you weigh?" not included.

Join Cristen to get down to the business of being a woman and all the Stuff Mom Never Told You about bodies, boys and the female brain.

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[mollyconway]

I just got asked "when are you getting married and having babies?" this past monday when I was holding my little cousin while she was eating her watermelon. I was then asked "Why are you single" and similar questions until I left. *le sigh*

[neeneko]

Great, now I am picturing empty uteri sneaking out at night and screwing with people.  

"Damn it, I can't find my car keys! I bet our childless neighbor's uterus hid them again!" 

[shinyandnotpanicking]

I get a lot of people I don't know very well who will ask me, "are you ok?" when I'm reading a book or in my head or minding my own business and zoning out and I just have a neutral expression on my face. I happen to have a neutral facial expression. You don't have to be worried that I'm not smiling 24/7. It makes it annoying when people don't understand why I get annoyed when asked to smile.

[virginiatreichler]

yeah, the reason im in a bad mood is all because of my period, nothing to do with the fact that im running late, havent had my coffee, got cut off on the freeway, some jack hole stealing my parking spot... nope, its just my period.

[imnotu]

Omg I hate it when I'm at work and a customer says "why aren't u smiling?" Like, seriously? Do u smile every second of the day while ur at work? I'm not smiling cuz I'm not insane, I don't have a fake smile plastered on my face all day, and I won't smile for u.

"are u on ur period" is never appropriate unless ur her partner wondering if sex is a possibility right now.

The others havent been a problem for me.

[jeffreygrech]

I recall my sister telling me when I was growing up that men also have a monthly cycle. I never doubted her, but I never read much into it either. Looking it up now, the first page of results on Google are all things like "It's Not A Period, " "Men Don't Menstruate, " "Irritable Man Syndrome" and "It's Okay, It's Testosterone." Why are these particular articles (I've only read the titles) worded in such a way that, to me, says "Don't worry, you don't have a woman problem, you have a MANLY problem"? Is the very idea of a "monthly cycle" as such, being an aspect of being human and not not exclusive to being a woman really something anyone is at all concerned about?

[emilykulas]

Cristen, spot on! I have a question: why do guys ask girls if they are virgins? Why is it such a big deal? And it's really uncomfortable to be in that situation, especially if it's just an acquaintance, or a stranger!

[annadios]

I have always thought "when are you having kids?" to be *such* an invasive, nosey, inappropriately personal question that, for some reason, people who don't know me very well feel comfortable asking. If you're my mom or a close friend, fine, that's cool. But everyone else, back the eff off; that's an intimate decision that is between my significant other and myself.

[HattiesaurusRex]

This. Yes. All the time. Especially now that I'm in a "serious relationship", my parents' friends seem to think that it's fine to just ask me when I'm getting married. It's gotten to the point that when I'm around one of them who hasn't heard that I have a boyfriend, I pre-emptively strike and say, "Marriage isn't something we're talking about yet. Kids, either." I just can't believe that people think it's their business. 

[kdandsheela]

Lol! Mustached ukulele guy is my new favorite Cristen impression!!

[GarlicKiss]

While those question all bother me to some degree I think the period one is the worst. Like somehow the only possible reason I might be expressing a negative attitude is because I'm having a period related mood swing? UH NO. Sometimes I am just having a bad day. Sometimes people are stupid and I can't keep to silently judging them about it any longer. Periods just make things worse and harder to cope with. They aren't really the source of all foul moods.

[JadedDragon_]

Omg!!! Same on the why aren't you smiling thing!!!

[Tasoq]

When I was in high school, a few people would say to me "hey who's the daddy?" because I was fat and it embarrassed me so much but thinking back to it now, I should have been happy. They were implying I could get some, lol.

[chrisnotaperson]

Ok, the sexy man with min-guitar is quite possibly your best look. Do you know if he is seeing anyone? I'd love to listen to guitar as we work our way through a bottle of wine or two. You let me know if he is available.

[saramakesartx]

I've been asked number one and it's so annoying.  If you want me to smile, try sincerely smiling at me.  That will be far more effective than telling me to smile.

[LowQualityCheese]

As for the smiling question, that can go for both men and women. I hate that. Quote me on this: It matters not if one is smiling, but if one is happy.
... you don't need to smile to prove that you're happy.

[jdw]

I like going with "no, I'm never having kids" if they ask why, I ask "why not?"

[skylark]

A couple of weeks ago I got pretty sick so I was in an awful mood most of the time-I get extremely agressive when I'm ill especially towards my family (not sure if that's normal or not) and the sheer amount of people who said "calm dowm, are you on youre period or something?" was unbelievable. For a start its none of theyre business and second surely that would just irritate me more? Why is it that when a girl is mad that people automatically assume shes on her period?!

[aceroyalty]

I once slapped a guy who asked the first and last questions in front of a teacher (because I still go to school) and all she told him was, "You had it coming". Everyone laughed.

[morganwilliams]

The period one is infuriating because even other women ask it. Look, I'm sorry that I'm not a bouncing bundle of joy while my uterus is dumping blood into my pants, but for the record it's not hormones that are making me a total bitch, it's the fact that it feels like I swallowed a tiny person who proceeded to throw a frat party in my uterus and then everyone at the frat party decided it would be a grand idea to have a knife-throwing contest, with the knives covered in lava. Get me some goddamn Motrin, I'll be fine.