Competitiveness in Family Life

You know what it's like to feel competitive with a sibling. That's pretty normal and healthy. But if you grow up feeling unwanted from your earliest years then almost anything can be a threat that sets you up to compete and prove your worthiness to be loved and made number one.

For example many partners feel an underlying competitiveness with their spouses ex - as if they have to match up; or which of you is the best parent. It can even include being envious and competitive with a pet that your partner brought into the relationship with them.

Competitiveness in family life can be exhausting because you have to be ever vigilant and proving yourself. It makes you feel bad and causes friction among loved ones. Family life deteriorates when your deep sense of not feeling wanted makes your lens set on competing for top spot. It's endless and rarely succeeds, because trying to be perfect ends in defeatism.

The man in my book is plagued with the need to be competitive and he suffers acutely for it. This video tells you more about how he came to lower the threat and feel better about himself.

copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D. 2022