Why Dating Apps Suck @TheIcedCoffeeHour

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[MinnieBlues]

I hate them. Feels like job interviews.

[jessicam]

That last part sums it up completely. Except an even bigger part than “criteria” is just the fact that you already opted in and so the question immediately becomes “are they texting enough? Is this progressing towards a relationship consistently?” Etc etc, and there wouldn’t normally be that pressure. You’d usually see them out a few times or hang out with them in a friend group, and there would be a reasonable amount of caution to proceed into something more. Now there’s just pressure about where it should go.

[alexandramaclachlan]

After being friends with my current "special person" for at least two years, we both had a conversation and we luckily had mutual feelings. A couple months of courting and doing activities together (eg, seeing movies, going to the museum, seeing a sports game, attending concerts etc) & it turns out we get along really well, can talk about things that are uncomfortable, and resolve conflict without resorting to anger. They make me feel safe and happy, so think I'm gunna ask them out :)

[Pinkiepower]

should we bring back the dancing part? feel like we could

[spliffbooth]

I walked away from dating apps (websites, really) in 2011/2012 and never looked back. Every introduction that turned into since then developed organically, usually at places of shared common interest. The problem these days is most people don't know how to (or feel comfortable with) converse/ing with strangers anymore, choosing instead to hide behind the screens (filters) of their phone apps.

[DragonTamer]

Instagram and reality TV shows have made people’s standards through the roof. Everyone has low self esteem and insecure in many ways because of these ridiculous standards.

[ryanbarker]

This is where we are really hurting from the death of third spaces in society...

[Viper]

An early relationship cannot withstand the pressures of a long term relationship from day 1.

Exactly. We already inherently know this. It's why we want that small pocket of time where we don't tell others of our relationship or have our new partner meet our family and friends.

The relationship is between you and the other person. You have to see if anything can live and endure between the two of you first.

[EylsRichEntity]

Even outside dating apps, does anyone else notice you constantly asking yourself “can I see myself in a long term relationship with this person?” when you’ve only started developing interest in them and haven’t even approached them?

[Nikelaos_Khristianos]

I think we’ve all collectively grown increasingly aware of, and afraid of, the idea that just one person can really fuck up our lives.

[normang]

One of the other things I've always found amusing about people's criteria: We think the things that define us are set in stone. They aren’t.

People change. You could end up being an entirely different person 5 or 10 years from now with totally different beliefs and wants and goals.

Even if you meet someone who is compatible with all of your criteria, you and that person could ultimately end up becoming incompatible as opinions change and differ.

[Onmyway-qc]

The amount of criteria is directly related to the amount of selfishness and intolerance.

[samserious]

Don't use ANY of them, those companies are not interested in losing customers by pairing them with a mate!

[aliveslice]

I think the main idea here is that we should leave more space to get to know the person before we reject them (aka filtering) because you shouldn't have to be immediately sexy, engaging and exciting, that may be one of the higher standards we set in before.
What is actually different now is how less of natural real life social interactions we have available and how a lot of it has simply become inappropriate, such as approaching people, especially romantically, including "dancing in front of them" (metaphorically or not).
I always wished for a way to get to know people naturally, using social groups as a starting point, that's how I imagined a perfect start. But I've long lost these chances. Nothing can be any more natural than knowing someone from context different from "relationship plans" and gradually developing a relationship. But for socially underdeveloped people which there are more of now than ever, those circumstances are even harder to approach than for most people in the reality of increased isolation. It's not very appropriate to approach strangers romantically in a social setting and I can't blame all men for the reasons behind it any more than I can blame the women for growing to be vary of such behaviour.

[dr.zoidberg]

He almost got it. To name the problem, it's that potential partners (& you) have been turned into products: commodities to consume. You 'shop' for a date with dating apps.

[flobba]

im 31 and never even gotten to the stage of a first date, dating apps is just a waste of time so better to just focus on work and hobbies.

[Mike-sjsi]

It's awkward showing up to meet someone who already expects that because you matched on an app you already want to date them or have sex with them or whatever their case may be, and it's like I respect you and I respect what you want but I also JUST met you. You are literally meeting a total stranger. I think it's so important to keep that in mind not just from a safety perspective but also from a kind of chemistry perspective. Even when you meet a stranger in a bar or something you at least get to have those initial moments of feeling or not feeling chemistry before that person expects you to be into them, but with apps sometimes that expectation develops before you even meet the person (before you meet them in person). I'm not even talking about situations where you talk for a long time before meeting in person, I'm even just talking about when the expectation develops right when you match with them.

[danksalt]

Dating app
=
Reading a CV for interview

[laurapruitt]

Smart words. On a first date you arent looking at the person like "I want this to be a last forever or a no go." Heck no!😂 Not how life works. Glad Ive never dealt with those apps before.

[LN-jrnj]

Ive been saying this from day 1 and everyone thought I was weird. Dating apps are unnatural and take all the fun out of dating. You should meet someone naturally while living your life.