Non binary dysphoria explained

As someone who experiences non binary dysphoria, I decided to answer some questions that I regularly get. Some non binary people do experience dysphoria, and some don't.

In this video I talk about whether or not I bind my chest, and how I feel about my period. In a video coming soon I will address questions about decided to/not to transition.
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[jupitertheplanet.]

baggy t-shirts: **exist**

people with top dysphoria: HELL YEAH

[incelrevolution]

Dysphoria:
"You're gonna look like a girl in that"
"You're gonna look like a boy in that"
Me:
* visable confusion *

[chonkyteef]

My dysphoria:
"Hey, your not actually non binary."
"You should've never come out."
Also my dysphoria:
"Hey, you might be a dude."

me: *please take your time.*

[jem]

when I first watched this a couple of months ago I was like "...but doesn't everyone feel that way." you'd think I would have caught on lmao

[emilylanier]

I needed this. This explains exactly how I feel about my breasts, and my body shape. I have curves and large hips. It sometimes makes me very upset. Other days, I can deal with my breasts. It depends on the day.

[theannieelainey]

I've been questioning with my eye on "gender fluid" for a some time now, because I'll go through lengths of time with similar dysphoria, but then lengths at a time comfortable with a feminine perceived body. As a constant, I desire a more androgynous expression or moreso an androgynous body shape/aesthetic, if people use the word "feminine" to describe me, I often internally get upset, but have difficulty pin pointing if that is dysphoria or if it might be some kind of internalized misogyny. However sometimes, if femininity is the intent of my expression, I'll be fine. Does that make sense? I'm lost myself, trying to navigate through everything.

[bec]

I tell my mom how I feel about my period and she's like "You're going to have to deal with it for the rest of your life." And I just-

[eddiemakesart]

SOMEONE ELSE FEELS THIS WHILE BEING NONBINARY TOO! HALLELUJAH

[nova_vista]

To answer the question:
I feel dysphoria towards masculine parts of my body such as my facial and body hair, my bulge, my body height and proportions. I feel like if someone sees them they stop seeing me as a person and only as a "man". Fully identifying with neither men* or women* makes me feel alone.



Thinking about this I made an attempt to analyse how gender dysphoria connects to my life experience with gender and sexuality. So here's my life story if anyone's interested lol:

I grew up believing that because I was assigned male, I have to force myself to meet the standards set by toxic masculinity. That caused a lot of suffering. I created a habit of suppressing my emotions, causing me to have difficulties dealing with depression later on. I suppressed any homosexual thoughts, convincing myself that I was straight. The "we and them" attitude towards women* made me misogynistic, causing women* to suffer. I never liked this masculine version/representation of myself, but I thought that I don't have a choice.


When I was 19, I met my best friend who is a feminist. She took the time to discuss feminist values with me, which helped me develop a much more open and flexible mindset.



When I was 20, I decided to explore my sexuality. It wasn't easy because of all the internalised homophobia, but it was worth it. I learned that I am pansexual and discovered many other things. I noticed that had a lot of internalized kink-shaming, which I'm still working to release. The BDSM community helps a lot with that, but that's a whole other topic.



Now that I'm 21, I started to explore my gender. I first started cross-dressing because I believed that if I present more feminine, I can feel more beautiful. It probably has to do with homophobia, which ingrained in me that men can never be sexy/attractive. I'm confused about why I have this belief and try to accept my body as it is, even the parts that are masculine. Later on I paid some attention to my behaviour. I noticed that I have days where I act, speak, move and feel more feminine or masculine. That is the deciding factor why I identify as gender-fluid.



Having a non-binary identity is not always easy. I often feel that I don't belong, which is why my next step is to get in touch with the local trans community. Exploring gender and sexuality brought feelings of shame, dysphoria and phobia to surface but it is good because only this way I can work on processing and releasing them. I already feel that I live a lot more true to myself with this new way of life (hence the name ;) ).

The fact that gender is becoming more mainstream makes me happy. Singular "they" was the word of the year for many dictionaries in 2019 and I see a lot more change in real life, such as gender-neutral bathrooms in universities and clubs. I hope that this helps more people to live freely as themselves. I dream of a society where people are seen as individuals.

[kas]

I feel the same way about my chest.. like it's fine when I'm naked but if I'm not wearing a sports bra under clothing it's super uncomfortable and doesn't feel like part of my body. So now I only wear sports bras and feel way more comfortable, but also I find myself turning to the side and fixating on my chest in the mirror to make sure it's flat enough.

[suemoro]

My dysphoria is exactly the same! This video was like watching my inner self speaking. When I get my period, I often find myself upset because it gets in the way of me being my authentic self. Its a constant reminder that I was born female, and I wish it would stop. I'm also lucky and I do not have to bind. Sports bras do the job fine for me.

[taramisu]

I'm a cisgenger woman, and when I was questioning my gender identity I identified as nonbinary. Although I was nonbinary I still identified with "she" pronouns. Any other pronouns felt odd to me. It was later that I realized I experienced gender disphoria only when others would apply gender roles to me, sexualize me, or just be sexist/condescending to me. Then I was all like, "... FUCK" cus I realized I didn't want to identify as a woman because I didn't want to be treated the way society treats women.From then 'till now I can proudly call my gender identity my own. I never disliked my femininity. I was scared to show it because of the way others would react, BUT... now I be like, "Dis is who I am and I will define femininity for myself, thank you!" So now it's a huge weight off my shoulders to be comfortable with my own identity, defined by me. So I continue to not shave my armpits, burp loudly, and maintain my femininity/humanity at the same time :)

[MrSteith]

Gender noncompliance is a struggle many people of all different types have known through most traces of human civilizations. It isn't new. It isn't strange. It's not a mental illness. To the extent that dysphoria is a part of it, it is a treatable situation: sometimes medically, sometimes surgically, sometimes just behaviorally. These days there is a more socially embracing atmosphere in which to express it and learn about people's real challenges, experiences. I applaud that.

I like the way you speak about this complex situation with clarity and ownership. Thanks for this video, and the courage it took to make it.

[airohtheenby]

I'm agender and I experience a lot of top dysphoria! It just feels like it's not apart of me, and like my real chest is underneath, and what I see is wrong. I don't hate my chest, I just feel like it's not my chest, and I want desperately to remove it. As far as bottom dysphoria I have none unless its feminized. I don't have any desire to have anything else, and I actually feel dysphoric thinking of myself with a penis, but I often disconnect when what I have is referred to as "female genitalia" or something girls deal with. Like I feel comfortable with my genitals only when I think of them as genderless, mine, and separate from societies views.

[bonnie]

I'm questioning my gender at the moment and its pretty scary actually. I know I'm not wholly comfy with the gender i was assigned at birth but im scared that i wont feel this way in a few years and im just making this more than it is in my head but what you said really resonated with me, especially about the flat chest and not removing and about feeling distanced from the period

[Louisyed]

I am a cisgender female and so I don't know if you can call this dysphoria, but I have a hormonal condition which means I have some male pattern hair growth. That makes me feel awful about myself and I feel like I'm "not a proper woman" and unfeminine and ugly because of it. So I understand how gender is a really important part of our identities which many cisgender people have the privilege of not having to think about often. But when there is a mismatch it feels so personal and difficult to handle

[bomoore]

At 1:38 I felt what you were saying so much I started crying. I've been experiencing this since 4th grade. Hoodies to make my breasts nonexistent without actually knowing that's what I wanted to do. Baggy pants to make my hips more "masculine." And now I'm in 10th grade and I finally realized I was nonbinary. Yet I still have doubts because I think my dysphoria "isn't real" I think it's because it's not the most extreme form. but idk.

[Phoenix-uynm]

My experience with dysphoria has changed through the years so much that I almost feel like a different person than I was 10 years ago, when I first came out and started transitioning. I've always felt genderqueer even before I had a label for it. But I believed back then that if I wanted to be taken seriously as a transgender masculine-leaning person, I had to go ALL OUT and be 1000 percent masculine! I made myself suffer a lot because I'd reject femininity in any form just so that I could establish myself firmly in one way. I was afraid. I felt like everything was a contest with other ftm friends on who could be the "most masculine". And then, due to many circumstances, transitioning got put on hold. I went "back" to living in society as a woman even though I personally still felt the same as always. My dysphoria lessened for a while but would come bubbling up occasionally. It got stronger and stronger until about a year ago I couldn't hide it anymore. I started the medical process of transitioning again, but this time it's so different. I embrace myself as genderqueer transmasc person. I am living socially as a guy, but this time I haven't thrown away all my feminine clothes nor will I try so hard to change my mannerisms. I'm just ME. And I've kept my hair really, really long. People are all over the place with pronouns and it's hard sometimes, but I feel it's more important for my own mind/body integrity to not give in to societal expectations, and make myself happy instead!

[renskevroomans]

As a cis-gender who's just educating herself on the topic, I don't want to claim that I understand how you feel. Still, I can kind of relate to what you said about periods, although my thorough dislike of them probably has a different underlying reason: it feels like my body is attacking itself. Since I do not want kids, why should I go throught this? The solution for me is the hormonal IUD (brand name Mirena). Though your mileage may vary (some other people hated it) for me it stopped the periods completely and I think it also keeps the mood swings down considerably. I get the impression that not many people know about it, so I just thought I'd share it here.

[autumnkivisto]

I hate labels in general
I accept myself and no one else has to
IDC who calls me he or she
I see myself as just Autumn and that's all that matters to me
And it's took awhile for me to get to that point
I use to be so tied up in how everyone else saw me and that's just to stressful for me
I got tired of it