The myth of romantic love

Us Westerners have come to be bewitched by the lure of “romantic love”. We grow up with images of a romantic couple walking hand-in-hand along the beach with the sun setting gently over the ocean. The couple is, of course, poised to live happily ever after.

The idea of romantic love is an attractive one. Romantic love brings to mind the pure and emotional intimacy we feel when the passion for the other person elevates “above” our animalistic sexual desires. Romantic love seems to represent a boundless desire that is limitless in depth. It’s a rarefied spiritual passion that lifts the two partners into a union that is quite literally out of this world.

It’s a beautiful idea. But where does the notion of romantic love come from?

The School of Life points out that the concept of romantic love is very new to modern-day society and is likely only 250 years old.

Before this, people did, of course, live together, but more so for practical reasons. They didn’t expect to become blissfully happy for doing so. They entered into their partnerships for the sake of survival and having kids.

A partnership that brings feelings of romantic love is certainly possible. Perhaps you’ve even experienced something akin to it in your lifetime. But we shouldn’t kid ourselves into thinking it’s the norm. It’s more likely that only a small percentage of romantic partnerships will be successful by the standards of romantic love. And why should that be a problem?

The problem isn’t the relationships we form in modern-day society. The problem is that as a society we’ve made something that is, in fact, a remarkable anomaly—romantic love—into the standard by which we judge the success of relationships.

The vision of romantic love may be an unrealistic standard for us to aspire to.

What do you think of the concept of romantic love? Let us know in the comments.

[MichelleMillerRealtor]

Whereas I believe that the concept of romantic love exists (the feelings, the brain chemicals, etc.) and seem real to the person, it is my assertion that FAR too much weight is given to the importance of it. And in some, possibly even most, of the cases where romantic love is experienced, it may stem from dysfunctional or unhealthy relationships that remain present in the subconscious.

[margaretgalvin]

I think there is romance and there is love. Romance is oxytocin flooding the brain for about two years or so, it is distracting from the realities of day to day existence. Good thing that level of intensity ultimately dials itself down. Romance generally fades, then you can choose to love your partner or not! It is easier to define love by what it is not!

[versoturner]

Romantic love is older than 250 yrs old... it's ancient. Where did you get the idea of 250 years from?

[yassinebarhoumi]

"only 250 years old" .. sorry that's wrong, ancient poetry shows the opposite..

[watching]

This is all fine and good but this says nothing if you don't define romantic love. How can we know if we're on the same page about what romantic love is and thus the validity of your points?

[rudigruenberg]

Romantic love is not myth if you find the right person with empathy care and support then you have an happy romantic love