Let's reflect on Intergenerational Trauma & Neurodiversity together while I crochet

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Discovering your Masks ADHD & Autism Workbook

ADHD & Autism Uncovering Your Stims Workbook

ADHD-friendly Weekly Planner · Helps with Executive Dysfunction

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♡𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗺𝗲♡

[melissabennett]

I want to tell the little girl you— there was never anything wrong with you. You had so much to give and those around you just couldn’t see it. You always deserved love and acceptance. I’m sorry that you didn’t get that. It’s not fair.

[absolutelyfab]

Trying to mend relationships with our parents as adults is so hard. I felt profoundly that the things your mom said echoed what my mother has said about me. Which creates an emotional disconnect where it feels like everything is recentered around their (projection) of their experience of me, thereby invalidating what I am trying to express because they aren’t listening to understand me (mom takes it personally). It gets to a point where I don’t even want to bother. But, I’ve recently learned about the “mother wound” and it’s been so helpful in liberating me from the guilt and shame (and lowkey gaslighting and manipulation) I felt imposed upon me from my mother my whole life (I legit only thought I had father issues, because his abusiveness). Also, healing the part of myself that had to be a parent to my parents since they never worked out their own childhood trauma and just dumped it on me. That, meditation, somatic exercise, prayer, and releasing trapped emotions has done so much for me that I can safely say I am less likely to be triggered by anyone because I am learning to meet my emotional and safety needs that weren’t met before. And, I feel no shame in creating boundaries with my direct family.
You were brave for making (and editing!) and putting out that interview with your mom. It’s gonna help a lot of people see themselves.

[kaylaparker]

Inner child work has been by far the most important work I've done. Numerous times as I'm triggered and can't place why, I stop. Breathe and talk to myself how I would my child. I look myself in the mirror and talk to her and I'll hold myself in an embrace. It's what she needed back then, it's what I give her now. Sometimes I feel crazy for doing these things, but it truly has healed me. Much love to all of you ❤

[hodgeh]

"Too many people spend their lives being dutiful descendants instead of good ancestors.
The responsibility of each generation is not to please their predecessors. It's to improve things for their offspring.
It's more important to make your children proud than your parents proud. "
Not sure if Adam Grant was the first to say this or if he was quoting but I feel like it will resonate with you and your viewers the way it did with me.
I saw this minutes after you uploaded but haven't been able to words my feels so I'll just say thank you for sharing because you are sharing part of my story too, I hope you find the peace and closure you deserve.
*dark side note* I feel a deep need to warn you about preparing for the day you can't have children if your endometriosis story goes the way mine did... I never prepared myself for a childless future because it wasn't diagnosed until it was too late.

[almadelatierra]

crocheting while watching this as well <3

[desireedelilah]

I've been reflecting on my suppressed anger (turned rage) the past few months. Its been feeling like a mourning. Because my spirit was so vivacious. And the people who envied and wanted to suck it out, carried on in life and tried to replicate it. I used to feel guilty for being happy or optimistic or "winning" when others felt intimidated. That's how they get you. Working on replenishing this now. As well as learning what it means to be and feel nurtured and genuinely Loved, after a narc. mother and relationships of the like I aligned to after. I've learned, just allowing ourselves to feel it, validate and hold it without thinking we're bad or deserve punishment for anger is usually a good way to start. That's what nurturing parents do with their babies who feel an array of emotions. The other stuff is shame. Grateeful for you♥

[Chucanelli]

This one hit hard. I’ve been watching for a couple weeks now, and this channel has been a huge part of the epiphany-laden journey I’ve been on connecting the dots for myself.

I was avoiding watching the video with your mom, because I wasn’t ready for what might come up for me. But seeing these little clips, I just felt for you and this little girl. I knew you had PTSD from your dad’s abuse, but I wondered what your mom was like. I was just blown away by how unrelenting the negativity was. There was no warmth, no understanding, no self-reflection, nothing.

I’m putting together my own channel, and thinking of how my mom would respond. She’s somewhere in the cluster B arena, but she absolutely adored me as a child. When I realized how alone you were as a little girl, I cried a little, too.

For what it’s worth, as I said, your channel has been incredibly valuable — cathartic, insightful, compassionate, and so many other good things. I’m sorry for the pain you’ve been and are going through, and I’m proud of you for the work you’ve put into healing. ❤

[blue_anime_cat]

If you close that loop but have no kids you can give your warmth/guidence/help stil to the 1, 2, 3, 4 close people in your life and/or like i do esp a friend who has a kid. You can always help to empathise better wirh a kid or partner and so you still can spread "the good" and get a bit of a firework-moment ❤meow❤

[camellia]

I am so sorry you have gone through this. Going by the small video excerpt your mum sounds like she cannot see past her own convenience with no thought about what would make Irene happy, what does Irene need (you were effectively erased). I am glad you mentioned narcissism yourself as it is what I was thinking myself. I had a somewhat similar dynamic myself in my family of origin so this really touches a nerve. I hope you now have a loving circle of friends who are your chosen family.

[Chucanelli]

Seriously underrated video. It’s so dense with insight and full of heart. ❤

[ptlovelight]

Thank you for sharing this moment of vulnerability with us. Although it makes me sad....that so many of us on the autism spectrum have had these traumatic upbringings. It adds a layer of difficulty to an already stressful living experience.

And yes, I too have come from a trauma background. My earliest memory is my parents abandoning me overnight in a hospital when I was like 3 years old. I remember being confused, hurt, saddened. It was a double trauma, as I also have a fear of hospitals and needles from that. But my life was much worse than that memory....lots of alcoholism, neglect, and domestic violence in my family. It's easy to see why my parents never suspected my autism (I showed signs as early as 4 yo-the "tippy toe" stance which I still do) because they were so engrossed with their own dramas and traumas. Fast forward to today, I'm 36 yo late diagnosed autistic woman, both of my parents have passed away due to their self destructive ways. Now like you, I have to pick up the pieces of my broken life and process that intergenerational trauma that has plagued my family for decades. But that is the prize, isn't it? To know that the pain and hurt ends with us?? I dont think I'll be having children, but I'm glad to know that I helped end the cycle of pain. Great video

[JS-pbgz]

Never been this early before, so I just wanna thank you for being so real about your life. I relate to so much of it, including the dynamic with your mom. It takes so much energy to revisit that stuff and it's definitely triggering! I hope you know how much of a difference you make. 💖

[lilijagaming]

I was my mom's emotional caretaker. My dad was the loud and shouting one. Both narcissist. They started divorcing when I was going to uni. The whole process was so toxic. I didn't want to talk to them on the phone cause all they did was telling me how horrible the other one is. And I was left alone with how difficult being an adult was for me and all that led me to my first depressive episode. I've done tons of boundry building. It's better now because when they start stomping over my boundries, it is a sign for me to increase the distance. I actually have a decent relationship with my father. We are similar when it comes to general temperment and we both like to talk a lot about health (in fact when talking about health issues it seems it's this special area where my father acts properly like a father). It's more complex with my mother due to that hard to spot risk of getting dragged into emotional caregiver. And we work together so I cannot always avoid her if she starts creeping onto my boundries. I cannot ask my parents for important stuff as it always comes with a hidden price that they will hit me over my head with later on.

[emi]

Honestly, ur so wise and beautiful and helpful to many, that I know u will be a great mother

[chavelybourgeois]

I never had that feeling of wanting a real genuine friend to talk to about this kinda stuff and other meaningful things… I’m watching all your content and it’s so uplifting and pure. I wish I had a friend like you who understood the real me, the unmasked me. I have four neurodiverse kids myself. And although I know it’s my job to break the cycle, keeping it cool in times of chaos and overstimulation is so hard. It put me in burnout for several years now. I’m a super empathetic mom, but sensory wise, it’s another kinda hell. Choosing to have kids, is not a decision to take litely. I’m sorry for what you’ve been going through and I hope you can find peace en love in your relationship with your boyfriend. Lot’s of love from Belgium.❤

[blue_anime_cat]

Wowzers....i feel you so much. Somehow a child on the spectrum and narcistic mum seems to be such a situation that just cannot work.😿 The strength we kids have is too find each other, know you're not alone and get power back by seeing: yes we all struggle but we have the ability to stil go on! We can bc we already got so damn far. We're fighters!❤
Thank you so much for your videos!🐈‍⬛meow🐾

[idab]

I relate so much to that parental dynamic you have. I have such a similar dynamic. It's so tough to deal with. My mom also didn't feed me and I also chose to go with her in the divorce, but my dad technically has helped me more despite my mom being the one I've lived with.

[YOUAreTheSecretToLife]

I am only a little over 5 minutes in so far, but I HAVE to say; Omg. You just triggered such a huge epiphany for me!!!!
For about, the last 8 or so years, out of the last 17 years that I've been a momma, I've been actively, deliberately, determined to end the cycles of mental health, poverty and substance use disorder for my 3 children. For one, I'm failing. Which doesn't surprise anyone. But for two, IT'S NOT EVEN THOSE THINGS I NEED TO BE FOCUSED ON!!!! Its the SHAME. I have to end the friggin guilt/blame/shame ❤️ Thank you! ❤️ I've been completely deeply binging your videos. I just found you today and you're already helping me change my brain. I've filled up at least a third of a notebook just taking notes (and quotes 😊)while watching your videos. You are SUCH a light. Thank you for putting yourself out there!! ❤ I only hope to one day be as deliberately, intentionally functional as you are ❤️

[sarahkreuzer]

Your company and conversation was so encouraging tonight. I crochet as well and really enjoyed watching you work and listening to everything you said. I even picked up my sewing needle and started working too. Every time I hear something that resonates this much from others I still can’t believe I’m not alone. I feel like all I ever hear about is from autistic people who were supported as children and have at least functional relationships with their parents. I’ve been beating myself up so much recently that I can’t move on from this resentment I feel towards them and feeling unsure why I guess I can’t let it go. I’m also in a time in my life where my current self esteem is extremely low. Hearing your words was so helpful. I feel like so many things just clicked for me. I think when I start to begin making my life how I want it and becoming who I really want to be, learning to love myself, I’ll probably be able to let some of these feelings go. I’ve always felt the pressure to be the healer of the inter generational trauma as well, hopefully I’m still headed in that direction! I think you’re super correct in saying it is anti climactic haha.

Btw hi from Nor Cal too! And you’re going to be an AWESOME mom someday!! Thanks for everything.

[Minakie]

I am currently trying to get diagnosed with both ADHD and autism and, while I did mention several times to my therapist that I also have C-PTSD, he still made a comment at the end of the session about just how disconnected and emotionless I sound when I'm describing past traumatic events. I thought it was just an alexithymia thing but it didn't even occur to me that it could be from the C-PTSD as well, even though I am very well aware that "turning off my emotions" played a big part in my traumatic response over the years.
Also, I saw the interview and I was in shock the whole time. I had already gotten the vibe from your past videos that we had very similar traumatic experiences growing up and listening to your mom talk was exactly like listening to my abuser talk. They have the same mindset, they say the same things, and they both refuse to own up or take any responsibility. That interview broke my heart but I think it was needed because, as you said, we only see the supportive family dynamics on Youtube, and it's important to see what it's like for the rest of us as well.
Sadly, I still live with my abuser because, even though I'm an adult and earn my own salary now, it's just not enough for me to be able to move out and be independent.